(Who) I'm Without you
53. Fretted

In the previous nights, Dinda was used to sleeping on time. But tonight, Dinda's eyes could not feel sleepy at all even though the clock had shown at 23:50.

Dinda has also re-unblocked Ariel's Whatsapp contacts. In her mind, perhaps in the few days before Ariel's proposal, Ariel would contact Dinda for ... Apologizing maybe, or wanting to explain something that was the cause of that time Ariel called Dinda.

Actually, what makes Dinda fret the most tonight is that Dinda wants to know, who is the woman who became Ariel's prospective fiancee. Dinda also remembered a series of names of women who had once been present in the middle of her relationship.

From Deka, Mutia, Puja. Dinda's feelings became erratic.

He also often went back and forth bathroom bolik every 2 hours because of the desire to pee. Dinda who has never been upset like this in her entire life so understand that it turns out like this it feels if in stay fit again unfortunately.

Emh, but right... Dinda had 5 months without Ariel. Or you could say they broke up.

That means, the phrase "in stay fit again unfortunately" is not right dong for Dinda? Huft...

Dinda lay down fretfully, face left, face right, then supine. So it continues until he is able to put himself to sleep even though he does not feel sleepy even though the clock is at 02:00 in the morning.

Every time Dinda closed her eyes, a flash of Ariel came into her head. And again Dinda's tears came out to wet her pillow.

Dinda remembered that day, the afternoon. Ariel and Dinda are on a motorcycle going somewhere.

On the way, Dinda hugged Ariel tightly from behind. Shortly thereafter, Dinda took off her arms at Ariel's waist.

Ariel, "Kok on the loose? I like it though". Ariel asked with his habit that always lead the rearview mirror left to Dinda's face every time he spoke.

Up here, Dinda forgot what time it was.

And now, Dinda was crying over why she let go of that hug too soon. If only Dinda knew that they would end up as tragic as they are now, Dinda would have hugged Ariel even longer.

So heartbroken Dinda, wanted to feel to meet Ariel and ask what exactly Ariel wanted to convey to Dinda by phone. And Dinda was also curious, since when Dinda did not help to the extent that Ariel who was right in front of her house knew already wanted a proposal.

Dinda was sure. If their relationship can still be repaired if it is not allowed to drag on until now.

"If the prestige didn't exist, maybe what I'm feeling right now wouldn't have happened, Riel".

Said Dinda while staring at the screen of her phone that displays a photo of Ariel on Instagram.

The clock shows at 04:00 and Dinda is still lamenting the fate of her romance with Ariel. The memories surrounding Ariel always loomed in every Dinda to close her eyes.

Even Dinda doesn't have a taste for food. In the past, Dinda was also upset because Ariel betrayed the first time, sick indeed.

Until Dinda loses her appetite. But more and more, because of the frequent betrayal.

Eventually Dinda got used to it and the turmoil no longer affected her appetite. And now, Dinda is back to being what she was.

Sadness again affects his appetite. Maybe this time sadness is indeed quite severe from the many wounds Ariel created.

He asked God, hopefully there is an opportunity for him to know clearly about what really happened during these 5 months. Dinda felt like she had no meaning in Ariel's eyes after all these years together.

Even for a small habit that is fairly trivial about Ariel, Dinda is very understanding. It felt like Dinda wanted to repeat every time they were together, Ariel who always stroked Dinda's head gently and kissed Dinda's hand every time Ariel felt so grateful to have Dinda.

Now what? Dinda was just like being thrown away. Wasn't there even a hint of Ariel's consideration for Dinda?

Until now, just a moment, there is no guilt in Ariel's heart against Dinda? Is Ariel calmly starting her new start with someone else but sacrificing Dinda's feelings first?

Or was Ariel and someone that had been married to a long time ago? Or are they ta'arufan?

Dinda was so scared, so scared. Ariel easily finds a better woman than Dinda.

As for Dinda, I don't know how she will live in the future. For the moment, it's a mind, for sure.

Because he always compared himself to the woman of Ariel's choice. Moreover, what if Ariel is happy with the woman of her choice.

That means, Dinda deserves to be thrown out. More heartbroken Dinda imagines how later she will see Ariel and the woman laughs at him like this useless trash.

Until this morning, Dinda had really become an overthinking and desperate person. He really didn't sleep last night until his eyes were puffy and he looked very sad.

Dinda wants to see Ariel today. Ariel had a lot of debt to explain to her.

Either Dinda will meet Ariel at home or at the office. That must definitely be met today too, cried Dinda in her heart.

At 06:30 Dinda had finished her bath. He will go to Ariel's house early in the morning because the sooner the better, he thought.

"Don't delay any more. I'm like this because I delay too much" said Dinda, slathering a thin powder on her face.

He had been reporting with Ayu since dawn that he was going to see Ariel this morning. And Ayu just asked Dinda to "do not emotion and face it calmly. We still have God, if not him, there are still others that God created to be your soul mate later".

Ayu deliberately warned Dinda, because she knew Dinda was a passionate and impatient person. He was afraid of regret later if he did not warn Dinda first.

When she was ready, Dinda got down and walked to the main door. He was very grateful not to cross paths with the residents of his house.

Because what would happen if they saw Dinda's face so pale and puffy eyes. Surely they will ask a lot and even make Dinda cancel meet Ariel later.

Just as Dinda was almost at the front door of her house. There was one thing in his heart.

If he's your soul mate, whatever happens will come back to you. If he's not your soul mate, that means there's a better man than you've ever met.

Dinda paused for a moment, she realized that what she was going to do at this time would certainly not be of any use if it turned out that Ariel was not her match. Then do what?

Still want to fight? Not necessarily a soul mate. Want to show that you're better than her choice? Isn't love where it feels?