(Who) I'm Without you
58. Saturday Ariel Day

"Allahu akbar... allahu akbar.." I heard the dawn prayer at the mosque near Dinda's house. With a step that is still dragged Dinda immediately clean his face and part of his body to perform dawn prayers that feel more special than the previous morning prayers.

After fulfilling her duty, Dinda took the time to speak heart to heart with her Lord without moving from the top of her peace. He wanted to express a lot of honesty that only to God could he easily express.

"Bismilahbornrohmanirrohiim, O Allah... I want to apologize to You. Because all this time, I was just busy complaining and asking You to grant all my wishes. Only you know what is best for me. O Allah, thank you for all your generosity during this time. Thank you for all my prayers that you have granted. Thank you for all the tests to beat me up. Thank You for all the do'a that You are weighing up to immediately deliver. I want to surrender to You, O God. My life and death. Oh God, I'm just asking you... Don't make me a bad woman after this. And keep my heart firm, that in this world there are still many good and sincere people. Who can accept me for anything. Don't you send me a man who can destroy my world. As for Ariel, I don't hate her God, I just can't be as kind as I used to be. I hope Ariel's life will be okay in the future. May he be happy with his life including his chosen woman. I know I'm not an adult, God... Hiks. May the descendants of Ariel not experience anything similar to me, O God. I know every action has a payoff. But I am sincere, O Allah, I'm Dinda I'm okay. Really, oh God.

Oh God, today Ariel's proposal. May I also one day find a good man and patiently face me with all my shortcomings. I know your purpose is to put me in the position that I am now, because You know what is best for me, O God. And I can live it. I will always implant in my brain that Ariel is a good person, only he is not a good man for me.

Oh my God, how can I do'ain Ariel who is fine. He is evil as I am. How my parents felt, God. I know they're sad too, but they're great at hiding that sadness. They really understand my feelings, O God. Because they never mentioned Ariel in front of me again.

Oh God, sometimes I feel inferior and I'm not grateful just because Ariel didn't choose me. I feel I'm not beautiful, I'm not attractive, I'm a boring person, I'm not good, and there are many more things that I compare with Ariel's future wife. Though I myself do not know what the figure of his future wife. I should be grateful to be released from Ariel. Because it means he's not the best for me. You must have prepared the best according to your version for me, O God. I just don't know what's happened in these 5 months, God. Only you know but I don't. I do not understand your riddle, O God. I'm just an ordinary human being who can accept with common sense that there's real evidence in front of my eyes. Either Ariel cheated on me or she told me straight away that she didn't want me.

It all happened, and the absolute answer is that he is not my soul mate. Hopefully after this, I just fell in love with the right person, aamiin.

O Allah, thank you for all my complaints that I have suffered for several days. I must draw near to You so that all the negative energies within me will soon fade away. And my steps in the future are much lighter" said Dinda ended her deep talk with the Maha Cinta.

Dinda also cleaned her prayer equipment before going down and helped prepare breakfast. Because today is a weekend aka a holiday.

Dinda also prepared all her cutlery with Bi Hanum. This morning they had breakfast alone because both parents had not returned from Medan.

As usual, if Dinda is on holiday, Dinda will take the time to bathe the Zombies, the children of the cat first.

After 1 hour of playing with the cats, Dinda finally took a bath because it was already reminiscent and the clock was also almost noon, which was 10. After finishing the bath, Dinda intends to see the flower garden just want to check if there are withered or even dead, he said, because the mother is now no longer home so Dinda used to replace him as an observer of impromptu plants.

Dinda was already in the yard next to his house, then he began to observe the plants one by one. Until finally the sound of the motorbike engine that he used to often hear passed nearby and messed up Dinda's mood instantly.

Yes, that biker is Ariel. This should be Ariel's day of application. But I'm still running around with people. What time is the show?, Dinda said in her heart.

There is still curiosity about the ex. Even if you know the reality, you will be sad again.

That's women. He was curious himself, and he was also injured.

Dinda was finally busy staring at Ariel's house. He was sure that at home he was doing a lot of preparation.

In view of his yard, many parked cars that Dinda had never seen before. It must be the Ariel family car that came from nowhere to attend Ariel's sacred event today.

Then Dinda looked at herself at the window right next to her house. He held his waist like he was looking for what he lacked physically.

"It's only natural that you choose someone else over me, Riel. I'm not good at dancing and you know, not gaul either. Everyday if at home doang daeran already rich mother-emak. Or even the mother is not like that" said Dinda on her reflection on the window glass.

Then Dinda went straight into the house and went to her room. He no longer intends to take care of his mother's plants, because it feels like Dinda wants to momentarily seclude herself in her room.