A WIFE'S TEARS BEHIND A CLOWN COSTUME
That man is my husband

''Come on, Papa Photo me and Mama, I'm ready'' shouted the girl who was about 6 years old, her face so cheerful. Her tiny body was standing right in front of me, her back slightly clinging to the clown costume I was wearing. While a beautiful woman who I assumed was as beautiful as myself standing right beside me.

''Yes, take a good style. One ... Two ... Three ...! Done it. The photo is very good. The son of Papa and the Wife of Papa is indeed very beautiful.'' said a well-built man, with eyes focused on the cellphone in hand. A happy smile emanated from the twinkle of his eyes and face.

As for me, I who was standing not far away from him was staring bitterly. I stood with my legs feeling weak and trembling, my body was trembling. Tears dripped from the crackers without anyone knowing. I cried in silence with my chest tight behind the clown costume I was wearing, a pink costume. My eyes focused on seeing that man's happy smile that was without pause.

''Here, take. Thanks!'' she said, she was dressed so sexy. He handed the purple currency to me. By putting the banknotes directly into the Tote bag hanging around my neck. I just nodded small.

Then after they left, they were like a very happy little family. The man carried the girl and kissed her repeatedly with love. While his hands were embracing the waist of the woman beside him.

''Where are you going again?''

''I want Papa''s ice cream''

''Good beautiful boy. What would Mama want?''

''Mama wants Papa to always be next to us like this''

Their voices that were mutually simple were still heard. The longer it sounds the more distant and faint.

I was still standing at the original place with a broken feeling.

That man looks a lot like my husband, the man who married me 6 years ago. No longer similar, it seems like he is indeed my husband. His clothes, his jacket, all were exactly the same as I used to wash at home.

''Mas Setya why do you have the heart!'' my mind cries bitterly while holding the chest.

''It turns out you can be very gentle with other women. It's different when you're with me and your own son. Apparently this is the reason, the reason you always go early in the morning and go home late at night. Even you neglected to give a living to me and your own child.'' again I monologue. I did not think, it turns out that all this time Mas Setya has other women besides me.

''Is that woman my honey? Since when?'' the question kept raging, the tightness in the chest never went away.

I'm dragging my way to the place where the replacement clothes, the night is late, the income tonight is also good enough I can get, with this money hopefully enough to buy my son's fever-reducing medicine.

***

I went home through the drizzle, walking down the sidewalk. The highway is deserted. Just natural. This cold is the best to gather with family, joking laugh happily.

But I, I have to fight for rupiah, an uneducated woman may indeed her fate will be like mine. In vain and in a lie all out. Unappreciated in front of a man who feels perfect, when in fact our degree is always the same before the creator. Only worship is the benchmark, more noble or not a servant.

While passing through the pharmacy, my steps stopped and then entered there. I fingered the Tote bag, took out the old paper money in it.

''Is there anything I can help you with, ma'am?'' greet the blue hooded female pharmacist kindly. A sweet smile was etched on his face.

''I am here, I want to buy a hot-dampening drug for my son.'' I stammered. My hands hugged the body that shivered cold exposed to drizzle, plus the AC pharmacy that increasingly add to the coldness of this body.

''Oh. If you could know how old your son is? And when is it hot?''

''My son is five years old. Sudden fever yesterday afternoon.''

''Alright. Wait a minute, I'll get you. Next time Mbak who quickly look for his heat-lowering drugs yes, fear of anything happening with Putra Mbak if late handled.''

I nodded small, the friendly lady passed behind taking the medicine.

After waiting for about three minutes the woman approached me again. He gave the medicine, gave the fever-reducing syrup. In the bottle is a picture of a boy of Arif's age, my son.

''How much, Ma'am?'' my many.

''Thirty thousand only, Ma'am.''

I gave the purple money as much as the three pieces I collected earlier. After that I passed.

***

I walked into a densely populated area on the edge of town. Yes, my house is in this area.

Not waiting for long, Teh Hamidah showed his face behind the door.

''Oh Hanifa, you finally came home too. Thought nothing happened to you. Tumben you're late for her. Let's go in first. Arif is asleep.''

''No need for tea, I want to go straight home. These are clothes I've been damp in drizzle. Can I ask Arif to come here without tea?

''Ya already. But dread first. Teteh heard the sound of your husband's motorbike, it looks like your husband has come home, Fa. Maybe the motor was put in. Teteh just said, if he was angry because you came home late like this you are silent yes, pity Arif if you have to hear his parents quarrel.'' teh Hamidah's message whispered while glancing at the terrace of my house which was only six meters from his house.

''Iya Tea. Thanks for your attention and kindness during this time.''

''Yes. You do not feel condescending to Teteh because Teteh already considers you like Little Sister Teteh herself. You wait here for a moment huh, Teteh take Arif first,''

''Yes Tea.''

Hamidah tea passed inside, while I, I glanced towards my house. ''Tumben Mas Setya came home. What's the matter? And why didn't she stay at the sexy lady's house?'' batinku. My chest still feels tight considering the incident earlier.

After that Hamidah Tea carried Arif's body, a second later Arif's body had moved on my sling.

''This, Arif's forehead was always a compress. That's why the fever didn't increase. Did you buy the medicine?''

''Udah Tea.''

''Yes, have a quick love yes, pity Arif.''

"Yes Tea. Thanks again so much. I went home.'' I said. Hamidah Tea nodded small with a bitter smile. It seems like Teh Hamidah feels sorry for me and my son.

****

When I got in front of the door. I said hello.

''Assalamuailakum.'' I said. I pushed the door that was not in the lock slowly, then walked in. I really can't stand my damp clothes anymore. Setya did not return my greetings.

I saw Mas Setya sitting on the mat of the living room. He leaned against the wall, a cigarette accompanying him.

That's right, what I saw was really Mas Setya. The clothes are exactly the same as before.

''Where have you been? Night-night wandering, '' Mas Setya' bass voice breaks the silence.

''It's none of your business!'' reply indifferently. I heard Mas Setya take a deep breath. I passed to the room. Change clothes, then lay Arif's body on a thin mattress. ''Mother, ''' Whine Arif he hugged my body.

''Arif wait here for a moment yes, Mother take the water back. Arif must take medicine, so as to heal quickly. This Mother has bought her medicine.'' I said forcing a smile while caressing my son's thick and straight hair. Arif nodded, he smiled sweetly.

I walk back. Passing through the body of Mas Setya. Our house is small. Going to the kitchen should go through the living room.

''Great now yes! You were horrified not I said what?!'' mas Setya said with great emphasis when I was in the kitchen.

''Great yes! You are great. I remember coming home too. Where have you been for these three days, I replied not to lose. Sometimes women have to make a sound, so as not to always be underestimated right.

''Finish your business first. Urus Arifs. After that make coffee for me. We need to talk. There is something Mas want to say.'' said Mas Setya in a slightly soft tone from earlier. ''Kopi said, did not give a living but still asked to be served. Basic selfish.''my inner.

I didn't answer. He did not even ask about the condition of his son. The child who asks for his existence every day. Arif got sick like this.

Setya has a beautiful face. He's very handsome. He used to be so kind, romantic, caring, and so considerate. Mas Setya works as an online motorcycle taxi driver, even concurrently becoming a driver in a wealthy family. We got married on the basis of liking. All this time I have always accepted his shortcomings and advantages. Accepting how much of the birth he gave. But since this week Mas Setya forgot his obligations, he never again gave shopping money, his party never did. It requires me to work as a clown to get by.

These few months he started to change. He was closed, more silent and rarely went home.

Now I know the real reason. He already had a new family, a second home where he stopped.

Sometimes the word faithful at the beginning of marriage is not enough to be proof that the person will be faithful forever, during the course of the household.