A WIFE'S TEARS BEHIND A CLOWN COSTUME
Died

Long I stared at the mound of sticky yellow soil, and on it sprinkled various colorful flowers. Near his headstone, there was a photo of a man so handsome in his youth. And now the man's body had been buried in the ground, alone. Only charity during his life can be a light in his grave. And the prayers of the children who are Sholeh and Sholehah. I, although I never felt his affection, but I promise, I will always pray after my prayer. Because, however, in my body, blood flows. There is no one person or thing that can break the blood relationship. I'm no longer vengeful, I've forgiven Papa. I sincerely accept the destiny of life that I have to live until I grow this big.

Two women of different ages on my right and left side were so saddened by the passing of the man they loved and cared about so much. They cried, sobbed, with reddened and puffy eyes. The voices of both sounded hoarse.

''After all, the sun is getting higher, let's go home.'' I said as I touched the shoulders of the two women I had to look after. Intan and Mama then stood up, after which we walked side by side leaving the cemetery, leaving the cemetery area. Rest easy, Pa. There was no satisfaction in me when I saw how Papa struggled with death, twitched violently and then drooped weakly helpless with a lifeless body again. There are, I feel sorry and sad. Now that I live my life, how about me live my future life, I hope I can be a good Imam and parent and should be a role model for my small family. Without judging Papa's past mistakes again.

***

In the evening, at the house of papa relics, Intan's family home.

''Mas, try to see this,'' said Intan while offering several photo albums, some are small, medium, and some are quite large.

''What is this?'' tanyaku squinted by holding the smallest photo album. Intan and I sat on my bed, my bed. I was going to sleep, but Intan came and showed me something.

''Open, Mas.'' he said softly while smiling knots. I slowly opened the photo album. On the first page, I saw a photo of a baby boy who was so adorable, a photo of a baby who was in the playground with an adult woman. I stared intensely at the woman, she looked a lot like Mama. My mom looks beautiful at a young age. That makes me a little pangling.

''This, Mama, and this, me?!'' just make sure, staring intan stick with fingers pointing towards the photo.

''Yes, you are right, Mom. Try to open all pages by page, after finishing with a small album, you can open a medium-sized album and then continue the largest again.'' said Intan enthusiastically. I nodded slowly, then followed what Intan explained.

In the small photo album, there are photos of me as a baby and toddler, all in sequence according to my growth and development.

In the medium-sized photo album, there is a photo of me while still Kindergarten and a photo of me during elementary school.

And in the big photo album, there is a photo of me from Junior High to college and graduation. And also a picture of me as CEO of Om Andra. After I finished looking at all the photos, I asked Intan.

''Where did you get this photo?'' manya curious. Intan may have photo albums that contain photos of me, while I never realized that someone had photographed me intentionally.

''Papa, all these photos Papa collected and put them in the album so neatly.''

''Yes. Papa always ordered his men to take photos of Mas secretly, maybe that's the way to treat his longing for, Mas. Papa has no other choice. Because, if Papa dares to meet the same, Mas, directly, then Mama will be very angry. In the past, I often heard Mama and Papa fighting just because papa was caught collecting photos, Mas. Mama was furious and eventually Papa handed all these photos to me. Papa left it, so I can save it and I can show it to Mas directly as it is now. And now I feel so relieved and happy because I have conveyed Papa's trust well explained Intan with a happy twinkle.

''Thank you, '' I said briefly. I did not expect, it turns out that Papa cares about me, but, his concern was ignored because he was afraid of the wife. I can understand, maybe Papa really has no other choice. Papa is a very nice guy.

''For? I did everything sincerely, Mas.'' said Intan smiling sweetly. He stroked my cheek, but I quickly patted slowly. It's nothing, for now, I still have to understand myself. What I really want. Because I don't want to hurt anyone in the end. I don't think I love Intan yet.

I saw Intan looking down after I patted, then he stood up and walked slowly to his bed while turning his face away from me. After that a quiet atmosphere was created between us. I was busy with my own thoughts. And Intan, I'm sure he must be busy with his own thoughts as well. What I don't know, what he's thinking.

Om Andra, Aunt Ainun, Hamidah and Abdillah also attended the afternoon service, they also took the time to deliver Papa's body to the final resting place. I'm happy that Om and Aunt finally got to meet their real daughter. And now Hamidah is pregnant, soon Om Andra and Aunt Ainun will have grandchildren.

***

The next day, I told Intan to visit Mama's house. For almost a week I have not been to that house. There are so many things I want to ask my mom. About Mama's attitude so good towards Papa, and about Mama's attitude so ketus towards Om Andra and Aunt Ainun.

After driving far away, I finally arrived at my destination. I parked my four-wheeled vehicle in the yard. Then I entered impatiently, honestly, I felt very homesick with the atmosphere of the house where I grew up and grew up in it.

''Ma,''

''Mama ..'' call me a little scream when I get home. I passed the living room, the family room and went upstairs to Mama's room. As soon as I got to my door, I heard Mama talking. I close my ears to the door, trying to eavesdrop.

''Anyway all the treasures of his Papa Rian must be handed over completely to Rian and on behalf of Rian. You have no right to set up Intan. It's enough you took Rian's happiness in his childhood, you can't take the company and the house left by my ex-husband. That's all Rian's right.''

''Rian will, gradually he will want to lead the company. If he still does not want to, then I will manage everything.'' I can clearly hear what Mama said. Suddenly my hand clenched tightly with a thump of anger in the chest. Mama, is Mama still the same Mama? What Mama still crazy treasure and justify all the way as she ever did to Om Andra and Aunt Ainun.

Seriate.