A WIFE'S TEARS BEHIND A CLOWN COSTUME
Intan Pov

I stood on the porch of the house, let go of Mas Rian, waved until the car he was driving gradually away, then disappeared behind the towering high gate. Mas Rian said he would visit Mama Santi's house. Mas Rian did not offer me at all to participate, even though I wanted to join. But let it be, I will always be patient waiting for those moments to come. When Mas Rian had truly considered me as his wife.

After that I went into the house, today is Sunday, I can relax at home while cleaning some of papa's belongings, taking care of his clothes and other items. Later, some Papa items that are still worth using will I donate to the nursing home, because papa has clothes and other items that are quite a lot. Like watches, shoes, etc.

I walked into Mom and Dad's room. The room that used to feel so warm has now turned cold and silent. For the owner has gone for ever, moved to the final resting place, the eternal place.

I sat on the edge of the sofa, took it, then looked at the photo of Mama and Papa on the nightstand, which was displayed on a medium-sized frame. I miss my parents very much. Although Papa is not my biological parent, but I already consider him like my own Papa. I know, during his life, Mama and Papa made a lot of mistakes, hurting Mas Rian and Mama just because of the selfishness of those who want to live together. But I promise, I will make amends for my husband and my mother-in-law. My name is Intan, I am a strong woman, independent and certainly can be trusted.

Just as I was about to open Papa's wardrobe, suddenly the phone in my sweater pocket shook. I lifted her up fast.

''Assalamu'allaikum, Ma.'' said politely, it turns out that Mama mas Rian contacted. What's the matter? Tumben once Mama called. Has Mas Rian reached his mother's house. Thought.

''Walaikum'sallam.'' replied the voice across there rang sniffling. I folded my forehead, shocked and astonished at the tone of Mama's voice that sounded unusual, because usually Mama always said in a soft and friendly tone, but this time it sounded different. I sat down on the edge of the sofa with my hands on my phone and I put it near my ears.

''Mama Tumben once called me. Is there anything I can help you with, Ma?'' I said as softly as possible.

''You don't like it, do you, if Mama calls you?''

''Um, Mama why do you say that? I'm glad Mama called me.''

''Yes already, there is no need to use any pleasantries. Just go straight, yeah. Mama just wanted to say. That is, all the treasures left by Papa Rian's birth immediately you must give all the important papers and certificates to Rian directly. Don't delay anymore. Your papa is not dead.'' Mama's words managed to make me shocked. A treasure? Mama could talk about treasure, while Papa's grave is still not dry. And Mama will know for herself, if all the treasures Papa has indeed bequeathed to Mas Rian. What do you mean you tried to call me and then push me like this?

''But, Ma ...''

''There is no buts. Anyway all the treasures of his Papa Rian must be handed over completely to Rian and on behalf of Rian. You have no right to set-up Rian, Intan. It's enough you took Rian's happiness in his childhood, you can't take the company and the house left by my ex-husband. That's all Rian's right.''

''But Mas Rian did not want to work at the company owned by the late Papa, Ma.''

The company and the house I live in now is a relic from the Mama family. But, in the remnants of Mama's age, Mama left all her property to Mas Rian, he said as an expression of his apology. As for me, I am only twenty percent. Even though it's only twenty percent, I feel happy and very grateful.

***

That night, my husband did not come home. I walked back and forth on the balcony of the room facing the courtyard. Looking forward to the return of Mas Rian.

I've tried to call Mas Rian's phone a few times, but it hasn't been picked up. Honestly, I feel so restless and agitated. Even though our marriage happened because of the matchmaking and papa's request. But I really love Mas Rian, I hope Mas Rian feels the same way as I feel. I hope this is my first and last marriage. I will try to get Mas Rian's love as much as I can, and I will be patient with his cold attitude.

Mas Rian was the first man to make me fall in love, making me dream of her day and night. It may be hard to believe, but that's the truth.

In the past, when I was in elementary school, I often saw Papa quietly staring at a photo in his study. I always peek at what you're doing, and photos of who you're looking at with affection. Papa always routinely does that every night without your knowledge. Until one night, because I was so curious, I finally quietly slipped into Papa's workroom when Papa was resting in the room with Mama. Unbeknownst to Mom and Dad of course. In the past, I was a girl who was always curious, I was a smart child in school and always ranked first in the class. He even got a general champion. Defeating the other class brothers.

Upon arrival at papa's study, I opened the drawer slowly and carefully. In the drawer I often see papa taking a photo album and then after satisfied looking at her, papa back store her in the same drawer.

Once I got the photo album. I opened it slowly and slowly. I was so shocked to see a boy my age who was in the photo, besides being shocked, I also felt admiration for the figure of a child like me. He looks so handsome in my eyes.

After that night, I always routinely go into the papa workspace secretly. For especially if not to see a photo of a boy who seems to have become a opium in itself for me. I always wait for the latest photos. Because sometimes once a week, or if not once a month there will always be new photos that papa put into the album.

I guess it's just the usual admiration and love of ordinary monkeys. Until over time, as I grew older and older, my habit of seeing photos of Mas Rian grew. I admired his figure more and more mature increasingly handsome and dashing.

In fact, in school and university, I had no interest at all in any man. Though many male friends expressed their feelings directly towards me. All I have in my heart is Mas Rian. And my dream of meeting Mas Rian in person was huge. My prayers after the five prayers, I always ask that God's wrestling match me with Mas Rian, and may Mas Rian keep the heart closed from any woman. Until then, when we were found.

Seriate.