A WIFE'S TEARS BEHIND A CLOWN COSTUME
Pov Rian's

Month passed.

I stood on the balcony of the room, took a deep and long breath and exhaled slowly. I stared at the night sky filled with flickering stars, beautiful. But not as good as my way of life. Both of my hands were in my pants pocket, I lamented my fate which somehow I was able to persuade the old man's seduction.

''Papa tipped Intan with you, Rian.'' lirihnya at that time. He tried every day to meet me even though I had spoken rudely and dishonorably kicked him out of the house, even he also met me at the company where I worked.

''No way!'' refuse me rudely without looking at her for a second.

''Intan has no one else, Rian. His mother is dead, and Papa, Papa will not be long after his mother. Uhuk, uhuk ... The gentleman in front of me said with a cough and his face was clear. I see, his shirt-clad body is getting thinner and thinner every day.

''He is not my responsibility at all! Just wasting time. Sana, just put him in the orphanage.''I replied haughtily. But the old man still insisted, even willing to kneel at my feet. Until finally my weak heart is broken, melted to accept all that he wants to put in the remnants of his age.

He said Intan was his stepson, the son of a woman who had robbed me and Mama of their happiness. In fact, a woman named Intan also contributed to ruining my happiness as a child. The woman has a pretty face, clean white skin, a rancid nose, straight hair black solid color on her back and her posture is tall slim. She's beautiful, but I hate her so much. He's probably about the same age as me and Hamidah.

''Mas, I'm going to Papa's hospital. You're not coming?'' Intan came up to me on the balcony, then said softly.

''No!''

''Yes, then I go with the driver.'' Intan wanted to take my hand, but I was rough.

''Solar.''

After I said that, Intan stepped out of her legs leaving me alone on the balcony. When I heard him snort violently, he might have been upset by the cold, haughty attitude I always showed him.

Not long after that, I saw Intan entering a car with a driver who was about forty years old, the family driver said, the driver had a thick body with a slightly dark skin color. The car slowly left the yard. I also chose to leave the balcony, I lay on the bed while opening my social media that I had not opened for a long time.

***

The next morning, I sat at the dinner table, Intan was always loyal to be by my side, even he put rice and my side dishes. For cooking, everything has been prepared by the maid.

''Mas, when are you going to start working at Papa's company replacing my position?''

''Never will be! You don't expect much.''

''Stop that shit! You don't know anything!'' I slammed the spoon into the plate, making a loud noise. I stood up, then left, I left Intan alone at the dinner table. As I looked, Intan's face stiffened after I said that.

***

"You haven't seen your Papa yet, Rian?'' mama said, she met me at the company.

''Never will, Ma!'' I replied, I stayed focused on some of the files I had to sign. Abdillah did not enter today, because she said her younger sister named Hanifa was in the hospital.

''Rian, your Papa is already dying in the hospital, why are you still not willing to forgive all his mistakes?'' Mama said in a soft tone as she stroked my shoulder, I saw there was still a little love that Mama had saved for Papa.

''I won't forgive him, Ma.''

''Haaaahh .... Since when have you been so hard? Even though your Papa has left his company to you, he has also entrusted a beautiful girl to accompany you and take care of you. You should be grateful for all that, Rian. You just have to enjoy everything that Papa has inherited.'' said Mama again while blowing a rough breath. He sat on the sofa in my room. Not long after that, Mama said she would visit her ex-husband. I wonder the same Mama, why Mama is still being nice with Papa, even Mama is also very good with Intan.

After Mama's departure, I sat down to reflect, remembering all the events that happened in my life. During the process of growing up to this age, it can be said my life is not too difficult-very difficult. Om Andra and Aunt Ainun always met all my needs since I was a child, they also poured their love for me exactly like their own children. It's just, I feel there's still something lacking, which is the affection of a real father. Especially when I was little, I often saw Mama crying in her room, I knew Mama was crying because of Papa. Because Papa turned to another woman, a woman who is his coworker, as well as the daughter of the owner of the company where papa works. The woman who was a widow bore one child, the widow of a seductress. That's how I knew, because I often heard Mama confide in Aunt Ainun with tears in her eyes.

***

At night, I didn't go home right after the office. I'd rather stop by Om Andra and Aunt Ainun's house. I feel more comfortable in their home.

"Rian, how's your Papa doing, son?'' ask Om Andra when we were having dinner together. Me, Om and Auntie, we only had three meals. Hamidah and Abdillah are still not home, because Aunt Ainun said, Hanifa is still unconscious after the cesarean section.

''I don't know, Om.'' I replied as I was.

''Your father and his wife have been rewarded for their actions, Rian. Your papa's already apologized, he's already regretting everything. Even before he went to the hospital, he also met Om, expressing all his complaints about his guilt towards you. He said, when you were a child until adulthood now, he often asked his man to take pictures of you remotely, then the photo he kept as a cure for his miss. He said he didn't have the courage to meet you. Try to be at peace with yourself, son. Om know, you are a good person and are able to forgive a mistake that occurred in the past.''

''Yes, Rian. Especially now that you have become a husband. Be heartened, and from today on, you should be able to accept everything. Live life well without any grudges. Intan is a good woman, she is also so polite and patient, learn to love her.'' Aunt Ainun gave a message with a sweet smiling face. I can only be silent. I dare not dispute what Om Andra and Aunt Ainun said. After that there was no more chat. We focus on the food on our plates. From earlier my phone in my pocket just kept ringing, I know, it must be a call from Intan. During my time as my wife, Intan was very aggressive in contacting me when I was late to come home.

Seriate.