An Overdose of Love
Deteriorated
# FLASHBACK ON PART 16 #
The emotions of the soul so deeply stuck in me.
Hate continues to incite my goodness which has been awake all this time.
The fragile soul had washed away the uncontrollable anger.
Mistakes are easy to make, but can they be fixed easily?.
There are no words but to apologize, but it feels like this heart is closed to all that.
Sincerity baby bit by bit it starts to wither.
The light of a sincere heart of love seems to begin to dim and erode against it.
As soon as the ceiling of my heart began to appear cloudy, it was implied in the gloom of not loving him back.
"I'm sorry ..I'm sorry, brother. I don't mean to say rude to you, but your brengs*k attitude makes my anger grow even more. Is there a little memory of you not, after last night's incident?" the grouchy heart murmur that was now crying hoarsely in the blanket.
Perih, yes that's what I feel holding back the pain while moaning on the body and heart as well. No more tears that came back dripping down the cheeks, because this pain seemed to have made me forget how to cry. Bloodstains may still imprint the dysprei there which may instantly disappear when washed, but not with my body that has been damaged and even dirty due to tarnished.
The shadow of the fingers last night that had been tracing my body, made this self even more disgusting. Tightness in the chest raged between the anger, so many times I bit the blanket to pull it strong, but it was just futility when the pain did not disappear. The stain of destruction will surely be forever, without the master who has done it not being conscious at all.
Tok .. tok .. tok, the door just keeps knocking, which is likely to be the foster brother.
It felt really lazy to meet or talk to him. My disgust was so intense that I would not care about his alarming voice anymore. What is clear is that I want to calm down for a while in the room, because my silence cannot be spread out, when the person who has done it is still stupid not to remember it.
"Today, open this door! Htc .. tok, Karin ... Karin," he said, knocking on the door.
"Sunday, let's open it! Clamps ... clamps. I beg you to open it for a moment, for I am now bringing you some food" he asked.
"Nlt .. tok. Karin, come. I know you may have been angry at the party last night, but this is not how you turn your back on me" Andrian said.
"Party last night? What did Adrian say? Does he remember that incident?" my question is in my heart.
"Come, Karin. I know my biggest mistake is to grieve and not care about you, which is more important to my friends. But is that why you've been so mad at me? Come on, Karin, open the door to your room for a while," she said she still wanted to enter my room.
"Haaah, you petty-minded human being. Is it your fault that stained me still you do not remember, brother? How stupid of you to think I was so angry just because I didn't go to your birthday party. Egoistic man has no feelings" My regret speaks to me in my heart.
"Yes, if you don't want to open the door. I'll put a tray of rice here, but you'll have to eat it later" said brother Adrian before actually leaving from outside my room.
The noise is no longer heard in the ear, but this self is still lazing in the room. There is no intention to get up from the bed and stop locking yourself up. It feels really lazy to meet face to face with people I used to love, until now I really hate half to death for what he did to me.
Surprisingly, the stomach does not feel hungry at all. The mind that is afraid of the burden that I am facing, really does not make this stomach rumble to be filled. The body continues to curl up in a blanket to close the eyes with the intention of forgetting all the events, but when opening the eyes of the shadow for the sake of the incident the curse again danced in the head, so inevitably the melt of tears still accompany this destruction.
"Carin ... Karin, tok .. tok!" The voice of the foster brother who repeatedly knocked on my room again.
"Oh Allah, Karin. Just open this door a little, let me see you for a minute. Please, don't make me worry about you. I'm really sorry if something's wrong with you, but really please and please open the door to your room. Karyn .. tok .. tok ... Karim!" talk to Adrian again.
Her sweet words still don't bother me. The more he blabbed, the longer I covered my ears. The chirping of his words made me feel more chest tight, so that not repeatedly I did not want to hear his voice again.
********
Gts ... Tok, the door has again been knocked on by someone.
"Carin ... Karin, open the door, son!" Mom Lidya's voice calling.
"Mama? Is that really you?" my question is in my heart.
"Today, let's open this door. Don't do this, honey. Come open! It's mama," His voice softly called again.
Because I believed that it was actually the voice of Mama Lidya that I missed, finally without a doubt the feet now stepped up to immediately open the door of the room.
Ceklek, I slowly opened the door by popping my head a little, trying to see if the one who knocked on the door was really Mama Lidya or not.
"Mama?" I said softly with lethargy.
"Yes, this is my mom. Can mom come in? Because you want to talk to you?" ask him for permission.
"Byeh, Ma! As long as Adrian doesn't come in here," I'll allow.
"But, Karin-!" reject Adrian's brother who is now standing behind my mother.
"No pa-pa, Adrian. Let me talk to Karin first," my mother's pinta defended me.
"Heeh, alright ma!" the answer is to lower his head weakly.
After Adrian really went from the front door of my room, I finally opened the door wide and just hugged Mama Lidya because of the longing that was stuck no longer.
"Why are you, baby? What was? Tell me about mom. Lookie! You look so messed up," said Mama Lidya stroking behind my back.
I shook my head slowly, tried hard and with all my might to not tell Mama Lidya what was happening to me.
"Mama is really worried about your situation. Let's sit down and talk about this all casually inside" he said.
Finally we both sat down on my bed. Mouth still tight not dare to say a word, because I do not want everything will grow worse about this problem, because the wrath of parents could make Adrian's brother get angry and expelled by them.
"Why did you come back here? Aren't there two more weeks in Singapore?" I was curious to see that you still wanted to cry.
"Sister Ardrian told mom everything, because you locked yourself in the room. She was so worried about you that she called her mom and finally here is where she is now" he explained.
"So long, mama!" I said weakly while poking my eyes.
"Mama knows, but do you lock yourself in a room that has anything to do with this longing? Didn't Adrian say you looked so mad at him that you wouldn't open the door for him? What's up, son? Tell me, mama will surely be ready to help you scold her," she softly persuaded with her hands stroking my cheeks.
Again I could only shake my head strongly, as my mother tried to find an answer.
"Heeh, yes if you don't want to tell a story. But then when you're calm, talk to your mom about everything, ok!" persuade him to try to calm down to my nature.
"Yes, ma!" I replied lethargic while giving a sweet smile.
We both hugged each other. The warmth of his embrace was so comfortable and allayed my fears. Mouth feels so choked can not answer the question mama Lidya.
Indeed, the behavior of Adrian's brother who had tasted illicit drinks and desecrated me, I could not immediately reveal it easily, because it all had to be full of courage to do it. I don't want to cause this whole family to be broken and divided. It could be that parents will not believe in the talk of their children pickle, because all believe that the nature of brother Adrian is quiet and kind, it is, surely parents will not just believe that their children can do such crazy things. So now I better shut up a thousand languages first by storing all the wounds, rather than later all destroyed.
I am not a child who does not know themselves for their good, therefore this self does not want to be labeled as a person ("The milk is repaid with tubal water" that is kindness is reciprocated by sheer nonsense cruelty). I am afraid and scared of all this, because there is no way the kindness of parents who have sent me to school and lifted me from the orphanage, now the good name of their child can be destroyed because of the depraved tainted if I tell him, then it is better for themselves to be silent to bear everything alone.