An Overdose of Love
Blurred
# THE FLYBACK OFF #
Eyes began to open, with the head feeling a bit dizzy. I looked slowly at the room that was foreign to me. The right hand felt sore and throbbing pain, until the mind began to realize what was being done earlier.
"It turns out I was alive, when my life was trying to end it. Are there still people who love and care for my life that is starting to fall apart? Do I have to live when I no longer have the strength to live it? Oh my God, how am I supposed to live this life, when I'm alone struggling on my twists and turns now?" I said in my heart thinking.
"Carin ... Karin, are you awake, son? It's mama" he said, calling my name when his eyes were completely open.
"Emm, yes ma!" weak answer.
"Are you okay? I'm so scared to lose you, son. Where is the sick? Let me call the doctor to come here," said he had cried bitterly due to excessive worry.
"No need, ma. I'm fine, I don't suck at calling any doctor," I said prevented.
"Heeh, fine if you're okay!" answer him while gently rubbing my shoulder.
"Yes, ma. Thanks." Thanks."
The eyes felt empty, with a lazy mouth to answer questions after questions thrown by Mama Lidya. In the brain right now there are only thoughts how I got out of this problem. It continues but it will destroy the family, but if I back down how should I live this life. It feels like the head just wants to break, when the way out for now so dead-end there is no gap to find a solution.
"Excuse me!" the voice of a woman wants to meet.
"Hi Karin, how are you?" ask brother Yona with brother Adrian who has come together.
"I'm good" I replied.
"Why did you kill yourself? You'll be able to confide in your future sister-in-law this. Isn't that Adrian?" said brother Yona tried well, who has now exhibited intimacy by holding the arm adrian.
There was no answer a word from my mouth, with my face turned to the left, for I felt so sick of their heart-burning attitude.
"There was just a little misunderstanding with the family, so maybe he was desperate to do that action" said Mama Lidya trying to help answer.
"Ooh, why do I think, auntie? 'You also feel sorry if there are all suicides, '" said Yona, who was sympathetic.
Because I did not want to hear the ravings of the Yona, now my body is trying to improve as soon as possible to sleep turned to the left, with my face immediately closed tightly using a blanket.
"You did that yesterday, anyway? Iiiih, I have a hard time trying to come here," complained Yona did not like my attitude.
"Let it be Yona. Maybe Karin again tired of wanting to rest, so we just go out of the way to bother her," explained Adrian.
"Yes, Yona. We better get out, maybe Karin for a while doesn't want anyone to bother her. Let's just get out now, "give Mama Lidya.
"Good, ma!" answer Adrian's voice.
"We're staying you rest first, Karin!" pamit mama Lidya's.
"Gold, mom!" I said in the blanket.
I don't know why their attitude and speech felt so piercing and made this chest so hot, when they both never spoke bad of me.
"What does this mean? Have I fallen in love with you, brother Adrian? Aaah, no .. not possible. I can't love a br*ngs*k guy who ruined my life. What is clear is that this hatred is so strong and if I can kill him now, I will definitely kill him so that his sin on me can be atoned for. What does this taste mean? Why is this hate so strong, but I wish he could love me like he loves Yona? Aah, the stupid time with all that, obviously I don't want to know or hear his voice anymore, because his voice and his words are getting longer and more slowly feel like killing me," the murmur of the heart continues to fumble in no direction.
Everyone was no longer willing to visit me, because when family and friends came this mouth was so locked and did not want to eat their faces. My hatred has been able to live again, as if to make this heart continue to fumble just want to plunge the dagger into the heart immediately
The day keeps showing sounds.
It was full of breath sounds.
I tried to close my eyes to get him out of sight, but it was hard to close each other.
I felt burning and I had a suffocating breath.
I was thirsty, yet this cup was filled with a torture aura drink.
Until I don't know what to do tonight.
Every day is calmer in silence, until no one gets hurt.
But now the heart is so burning.
Where is his sense of responsibility and love for me?
I close my eyes and ears so I can't look at them or hear them.
I was forcibly wandering around looking for answers.
But too much ego, until an empty glass filled with drinks used by others.
While people were asleep, including my mother and brother Adrian sleeping in my waiting seat, I did not waste the opportunity to escape. I slowly entered the bathroom, changed my clothes and quickly wanted to get out of the luxurious room where I was being treated.
"I'm sorry ma, brother Adrian! I went without saying goodbye to you guys. Let me conquer all this alone, without destroying your happy family. I'm sorry if there's something wrong with you, which I obviously don't want to cause trouble or be a burden on you. Let the boy I brought go. You have got a woman you love and will be a wife who can accompany you, brother! So I don't suck at being here anymore. Happy, I'm sorry" I said in my heart, who had now made it out of the hospital, walking straight away from the place.
People have come and gone as they please.
Only you and I have stopped in this world.
This feeling is very boring, for you are insensitive to me.
Can it feel like your heart is falling apart like mine?.
I'm in confusion by heart and you've managed to turn it all off.
Until it really makes my heart burn nothing left.
This hatred is getting out of control, so the way to avoid is what I decide now so that you are happy.
You decided to marry her behind my back, which I was hoping for you to be the last port.
You can let me go until I look far away at you.
But it was too futile, so that my imagination was scattered could not have it all.
Now the feet continue to climb the highway without stopping, who no longer know where this place is, which is clear the road now looks lonely at night. The sudden onset of thirst had dried up my throat, so I had to find water immediately to relieve this thirst. It has been going for a long time, but I still did not find a drop of water, until as a result I could not bear to stop at a resident's house.
"Heeeh, I'm so thirsty! Where can I gulp a drop of water," I complained with the head clingak clinguk saw the courtyard of the people's house, in order to help find water.
"Why can't I drink. Heeh, patience .. patience Karin," I said in a limp-sitting heart.
"O Allah, is my attitude right or wrong? I don't want them to re-enter my life again, because my heart and the other people I care about are bound to hurt. Yes right, maybe this is the path that I should take so that all do not suffer the consequences of myself" a heart that was exhausted.
Slowly I was drowsy, until unconsciously my eyes began to shut, due to fatigue walking and hunger began to attack as well.