Cragile
Return home with doubts

During the journey to my residence, returning from the residence of the Aditya mas in Central Java, I was just silently pensive, thinking of deep doubts, whether my relationship with the Aditya mas will end happily or vice versa? .Aaku can only resign, and try to accept the fate of Allah with what will happen in the future, did not feel the time is half the way to my area, the bus stopped at the resting place.

"Rey wants a message to eat what.?., the mother asked me.. no ah ma'am.. I bought a cold drink, the rich are still full ma'am, ma'am, yes, have you taken all buyin for your ponakan, yes ma'am would you like to be taken too..?cold drink mom, no need Rey mom already there's this anget tea, oh yes already mom I'm going to take the drink I want," after the bus break was back on the road, so I went, we finally arrived at the city terminal.

Arriving at home I immediately cleaned myself and prepared to perform the Maghrib prayer, in prostration I insisted on asking the Almighty for help, given the best way for my relationship with the Aditya mas,asking to be launched, at the ease of all my business, if indeed he is my soul mate, bring me closer, and vice versa if it is not my soul mate to give instructions that are always in the ridho i without any pain between the two of us.

I vaguely heard my mother calling me, "Rey... Rey...are you asleep? then I rushed to my mother, no ma'am what to call me?. You eat first, you haven't eaten all day, don't even torture yourself like this, son, if until you are sick you are also a hard man," I nodded slowly and I was forced to take a meal and I took it to the room, I deliberately took a little portion of my meal, I took a little portion, because the feeling of laziness that is so strong dominates myself, by lazily I input feed for rice without being able to spend it, I put the plate on the corner table of my room. I put this body on the bed again, my mind looked far away remembered the words of his father Mas Aditya, who told Aditya mas to look for job vacancies in his area first,will in the future I can meet him again, do not feel clear circles begin to wet this cheek, it is very difficult to bear this taste, a sense that can be united somehow otherwise, instead,because maybe tired all day long distance travel finally I fell asleep in sobs.As soon as I open my eyes this clock shows at 02.15 here today,I also decided to go to the bathroom and take water wudu to perform Isya prayer which was delayed because I overslept, then I continued to pray tahajud asking for peace of heart and mind, and hopefully in spite of the hesitation to live all this reality.