Cragile
Return home with doubts

During the journey to my residence, returning from the residence of the Aditya mas in Central Java, I was just silently pensive, thinking of deep doubts, whether my relationship with the Aditya mas will end happily or vice versa,I can only resign, and try to accept the fate of Allah with what will happen in the future, do not feel the time is half the way to my area, the bus stopped at the resting place.

Rey wants a message to eat what.?.?, my mother asked me.. not ah ma'am... I buy a cold drink, the rich are still full ma'am, ya have not taken all buyin for your pound, you know,yes ma'am if mom and dad want to get a cold drink too mom, do not Rey mother already have this anget tea, oh yes already mom I went to take the drink I want, I want, after a break the bus drove back, and finally we arrived at the city terminal.

Arriving at home I immediately cleaned myself and prepared to perform the Maghrib prayer, in prostration I insisted on asking the Almighty for help, given the best way for my relationship with the Aditya mas,asking to be launched, at the ease of all my business, if indeed he is my soul mate, bring me closer, and vice versa if it is not my soul mate to give instructions that are always in the ridho i without any pain between the two of us.

I vaguely heard my mother calling me, "Rey... Rey...are you asleep? then I rushed to my mother, no ma'am what to call me?. You eat first, you haven't eaten all day, don't even torture yourself like this, son, if you get sick, you also have a hard time." I nodded slowly and I was forced to take a meal and then I took it to the room, I deliberately took a little portion of my meal, because the laziness that was so strong dominated me, because the feeling of laziness was so strong dominating myself,I lazily put the feed for the sake of rice without being able to spend it. I put the plate on the corner table of my room.I put again this body on the mattress, my mind looked far away remembering the words of his father Mas Aditya, who told Aditya mas to search for job vacancies in his area first, will I be able to meet him again in the future, no feeling of clear circles began to wet this cheek, it is very difficult to resist this taste, the taste of which can be united somehow otherwise,because maybe tired all day long distance travel finally I fell asleep in sobs.As soon as I open my eyes this clock shows at 02.15 here today,I also decided to go to the bathroom and take water wudu to perform Isya prayer which was delayed because I overslept, then I continued to pray tahajud asking for peace of heart and mind, and hopefully in spite of the hesitation to live all this reality.