Dusk Substitute
The painful jealousy

Tap the hammer echoing in the courtroom. A major decision has been taken, a decision that the judge considers correct. Truth based on evidence, not conscience. Truth in the name of justice, though sometimes justice is a word. Decisions to accept, like it or not. No one can deny the outcome of the trial.

A week passed, after Alvira's victory over Zain. The court granted Zain custody of Alvira. Zain's age was very small. Although custody is in Alvira's hands. There is one condition that Alvira must meet. At least for the next three months. Alvira has to prove it to the court. If Zain is happy and okay with him. For three months, the social service will oversee Zain's development. If Alvira is negligent, Zain's custody will be transferred to Radit.

The final decision made Nissa feel even more guilty. Unintentionally, Nissa excuses Alvira's lawsuit. If time could come back, Nissa would gladly let go of Radit. But now in his womb grew fruit of his love with Radit. The son who has the same rights as Zain. Nissa's guilt, as if right when she saw Radit's attitude that turned quiet. Radit was more often alone in his study. Radit is no longer as warm as it used to be for Nissa.

A week passed with a quiet that began to stifle. Radit picked himself in the dark of his study. Ignoring Nissa's affection, dissolves in longing for her son. Zain reasons Radit's smile that disappeared. Radit continued to dissolve in his pain. Like tonight, Radit chose to stay in his study. At dinner, Radit didn't come down. Even Radit doesn't care anymore, Nissa has dinner or not. Radit's world is stalled without Zain's son.

The night is getting late, no sign of Radit returning to his room. At exactly 00.00 WIB, did not feel the first sound of chickens heard welcoming morning. Nissa ventured out of her room. Radit's workspace, right next to his room. Nissa walked slowly towards Radit's study. The workspace lights are still on, visible from the light rays coming out of the door gap. Nissa held onto the door algae, slowly Nissa opened the door.

The room looks brightly lit, indicating Radit is still awake. Nissa opened the door slowly, her steps were really slow. I don't want Nissa to bother Radit. Nissa looked to her right and left, looking for Radit's shadow. Nissa went deeper and deeper, when she realized Radit had no sight of her. Nissa walked in with a slow step. Nissa was stunned, as her two eyeballs looked at the sleeping body in the corner of the room.

Two of Nissa's eyes saw Radit fall asleep in a sitting position. Nissa walked slowly towards Radit. For days Radit could not sleep, restlessly holding back his longing for Zain. Nissa looked at Radit's messy body. Radit's fine snoring, like a greeting to miss the figure of Zain. Radit's life seems to end with the departure of Zain. Nissa felt her chest tight. Nissa couldn't see the tormented Radit. Slowly Nissa wiped her tears. Nissa felt helpless, looking at Radit's heartache.

Braaakkk

A picture frame detached from Radit's hand. A picture that Nissa may never have imagined. With a troubled heart, Nissa looked at the photo. Nissa's tears were dripping, her heart ached. Nissa patted his chest softly, hoping that his heart would not be hurt. Her chest felt increasingly claustrophobic, seeing the turmoil of Radit's heart her husband. Nissa's bones crumbled, staring at the crumbling Radit holding back the longing.

"This is your broken heart, until you hide in the corner of this room. Miss it is your heart, until you cry while hugging their photo. I understand your longing, but I never understand your firmness. Now real in front of my eyes, I see your great love for her. A name that was in the heart from the beginning. The one who taught you love. The one who gives you happiness. Radit, my warm dawn. I could never see your cold. Long ago, when your warmth touched my body. I always ignored him, even if I refused. Now, when your warmth moves away a moment from my life. My body feels cold and frozen. Radit, should I give up. To keep Raditya warm again shining. The dawn that begins the day. As for me twilight at the end of the day. Now I realize the true meaning of love. You taught me the meaning of the sacrifice of love. Thank you for letting me be in your life!" inner Nissa, while wiping the picture frame in her hand.

Nissa came out of Radit's study, but not back to her bedroom. Nissa came down from the second floor, out of Radit's mansion. Nissa feels alien in the house she's been in for months. Why does her chest feel so tight? Jealousy, maybe that's what Nissa's feeling. Seeing the person he loves the most, longing for his first love. Nissa feels the weight of loving, heart-giving a wife who is now being tested. When the owner of the heart, still remember his past.

Nissa chose to walk in the courtyard, she sought tranquility in the dark and cold of the night. Nissa looked up towards the sky, the studded stars adding to the beautiful night. The wind felt cold to the bone. Nissa clenched tightly onto her cold body. Nissa began to feel calm, forgetting for a moment her pain. The sound of the night animals breaks the silence of the night. Adding a scarred night.

"I lost to Radit, I lost to your love. I gave up Radit, I gave up on your warm. I'm sick of Radit, I'm sick of seeing your misses on him. Jealousy, this is called jealousy. I was ruined by your love, I was jealous to realize I was your second love. Radit, should I go? So that you are happy with him. Could I be able to survive? When I realized, I was the second and he was the first. Dusk substitute, forever I'm just a substitute!" nissa's inner self was piteous, while looking up at the night sky. Cold bone-piercing, hoping a warm embrace enveloped him.

Tin Tin Tin

The sound of car horns, the high gate of Radit's house opened. Nissa regained her senses, she was astonished that there was a guest in the morning blind. Nissa had not yet come near, Radit's door opened. Nissa immediately went into hiding, when she saw Radit running out. It was as if Radit knew the guests coming. Nissa kept hiding in the dark, seeing who came to see you?

"Sorry Radit, I tried to calm him down. But he's still mad, he's looking for you!" alvira said, holding Zain. Zain was crying and struggling. Nissa was about to run, but her steps came to a halt. Nissa is afraid of disturbing Radit and Alvira.

"Give me!" radit said, Alvira nodded slowly. Radit held Zain, while Alvira rubbed Zain's back. Radit and Alvira look compact to appease Zain.

"Stay, you can sleep in the guest room!" radit said, Alvira nodded slowly. Radit and Alvira enter the house.

"I'll just bother them. I'd better be outside, tomorrow morning I'll be in. I can't help this jealousy. It hurts, it hurts so much!" inner Nissa, while pressing her chest that hurt.