Dusk Substitute
Final Letter

In the domestic departure lounge. Nissa sat down by herself, glancing at her watch, which now shows at 22:00. That means in 30 minutes, Nissa is leaving town. Honestly wants Nissa back, trying to fight for her complicated relationship with Radit. But Nissa had no strength to endure the pain for the umpteenth time. Nissa could no longer hold on.

Nissa hit her chest softly which felt claustrophobic. Nissa felt a terrible pain, like thousands of needles piercing her heart together. Nissa felt her world collapse, no longer able to protect her. Nissa can't breathe in the same town as Radit. It would be a lie if Nissa hadn't been hurt. If anyone gets hurt, Nissa's the one. Again and again Nissa was hurt, the pain left by the people she loved so much.

Nissa sat pensively, her gaze blank. His weak hands were clenching his invisible flat stomach. Trying hard with the big decision. Nissa chose to go far away, not from Radit's life alone. Nissa chose to live in a country she never lived in. Nissa chose to stay with Daniel, away from those who hated him. At least until Nissa found the strength to look back at Radit. Nissa fell silent remembering the pieces of her story with Radit. A short story that gives a new color in his life.

NISA POV'S

The first time I heard your name, my body shook violently. A name that sounds foreign to my ears. But the same name, I must write in my destiny. Ahmad Dzaky Raditya, a beautiful name that will be written in the depths of my heart. A foreign name that I never imagined, became the closest name in my veins. A name that is difficult to pronounce from my lips, but real is shouted by my heart

Exactly a week after our meeting, I became completely yours. Your hand shook my real father's hand. The holy qobul is said to be the beginning of a new status in my life. Status I never expected to come this fast. A relationship based without love. It scares you for a moment, but for my sake the father who raised me. I marry you, my heart sincerely accepts you, my ribs ready to support your body, myself ready to guard your honor. But my heartfelt, my promise, my loyalty and my holiness are an insult to your family.

The first time I stepped into your house. Not a glass of water you offer. But a grievous insult was heard welcoming my arrival. My hunger and thirst do not necessarily disturb your calm. No heat greeted me. Instead, the insults I always heard. Delicious dishes that accompany my steps. I feel alone in your prison. But I stayed, for the sake of last service to my father.

One month, two months, even three months passed. I didn't get my honor. I just heard the abuse from your dear sister. I ate with your old plate. Dreaming that you are with me, feeding me food to wipe away my hunger and my lonely heart. I kept dreaming, getting affection from your family. Even when they heard about my pregnancy. They kept ignoring me, thinking my baby was heartless. The father-in-law I expected gave her a little affection. Even choose silence, ignoring my longing for the figure of the father. Silence that makes me cornered and excluded.

Until he finally came, Alvira Putri Oktaviani Kusuma. A foster cousin who never thought I existed. An ex-wife who keeps hoping for your affection. The birth mother of my little son. Alvira who easily gets an apology from you. Alvira who earn the love of your family sincerely. Forgetting the mistakes he's made with you. The gaping grief in your life is closed, changing into a wound in my life.

The wounds you inflict, when you ignore my longing. For the sake of venting your anger about Zain's departure. Your tears as you hug the photo of Alvira with Zain. It felt like it was breaking my heart, waking me up. If your heart never wrote my name. My heart is broken, my bones are fragile, my strength is musna, my dreams are gone and my laughter is gone. I feel like the world is over for me. I fell, unable to stand. Looking up at the sky, my eyes were unable to. Life without love is not easy, but it is much harder to live without hope. I lost with this jealousy. I couldn't hold on, my dream was gone with your laughter beside Alvira. Even you ignored my pain and our hearts. A woman is able to survive in the hope of false love. But a son cannot live. When he realized, there was no love for him. A mother will be weak, seeing her son forget.

Now I choose to leave, to leave the pain that was once in my life. I give up on this love? I can no longer accompany you. Only prayer in my bow will protect you. Farewell becomes the last way, when there is no word that mamlu unites.

NISSA POV EN**D**

"Nissa, you're okay!" Said Amira, while patting slowly Nissa's shoulder. Amira breaks Nissa's daydream, the memory of Radit's figure in her life.

"I'm doing fine. Believe me, nothing will happen to me!" Nissa said, Amira immediately hugged Nissa's body. Nissa is a brother who is hurt by her holy love. Nissa was indeed strong, but her two eyes could not lie. No visible twinkle, I'm like a plant without water. Amira hugs Nissa tightly, realizing Nissa's love for Radit is so great.

Daniel carries Nissa's suitcase, Daniel takes Nissa away from Radit and Kusuma's extended family. Nissa followed Daniel's steps, and now it's all happening. Nissa has to go and can't come back. Nissa no longer turned her head, she was getting further and further away from Amira's sight.

Tap Tap Tap

"Missyhose!" Shouted Radit, Amira immediately turned her head when she heard Radit scream. Radit's footsteps sounded loud. Radit runs after Nissa, but is restrained when Amira blocks Radit.

"Surge!"

"Free of Radit, Nissa's on the plane!" Amira said coldly, Radit shook his head in disbelief.

"No way!"

"Too late your regrets!" Amira is cold. Amira gives Radit an envelope. No words were spoken from Amira's lips. His gaze was already enough to answer Radit's question.

"Nissa left it for you!" Amira said, Radit opened it with trembling hands. A letter Nissa had written in black ink and tears.

Dear: Radit, my son's father.

Radit, forgive me for being defeated by the insults of the world. When you read my letter, maybe I was already on the plane. A flight that took me out of the country. I left behind all the good memories of our time together, leaving behind the bitter memories that happened. I'm sorry I can't wait for you to know me, I'm sorry I can't be loyal to you, I'm sorry I'm now sincerely accepting the end of our marriage. I decided to go for the flavor that was left. The foundation of our marriage is too fragile, so it easily wavers with just a small pebble blocking our path.

From: Nissa, the woman who once lay in your heart.

"Nissa left this country, she took my two sons. It was so deep that he went that far. No apologies to me!" Radit said softly, while staring at the photo USG his baby with Nissa.

"Unfortunately your regret is too late!" Amira is cold.