I LOVE YOU (I LOVE YOU NOT)
Forgive Me Love

I have waited for more than a week and hope my relationship will improve and warm again. But none of the messages or phone rings I received from Mahendra to date.

Dive into a relationship - we did fight a few times - but only intermittent hours we have sent romantic messages like no problem before. In contrast to the quarrel this time-never all this time he let me with my confusion. I realized this time I was the one who misjudged Mahendra. The unwarranted jealousy that actually came from my own mind.

I tried to send him a message again

(honey, Please forgive me.will you answer my call?)

I tried to wait for a moment of reply from Mahendra. But for a while I still had no answer from him.

All I could see was a two-tick mark indicating that the message I was sending had been read by the recipient.

God, I will really end my story. Am I still given the chance to fix everything.

Absent longing and a desire to give up with all these circumstances. I don't want to part with Mahendra but I can't let go of my fears from my past either.

I'd love to let this taste intertwine, to let this love breathe but as long as I'm not at peace with my past that's when there's no chance to love and love someone. Today it has been almost more than a month with absolutely no communication from Mahendra. I started to feel emptiness in my heart. I tried to keep myself busy with boring work just to cover up my longing for Mahendra. Maybe my story has arrived with Mahendra. I should be able to forget about it-my inner self. With a heavy feeling I deleted the contact of Mahendra's mobile number stored in my phonebook.

maybe this is the end of what I have to do.

But not for a long time actually I got a phone call from Mahendra when I did not want to hope anymore.

Without a second thought I immediately raised the mahendra call.

"Why On. Why did you delete your profile picture? or you also delete my number? (why Di-why did you delete your profile? or have you also deleted my contact number? ask him without further ado and without giving me a chance to say hello.

I thought you didn't want to talk to me anymore. I thought you.." I haven't had time to finish my words Mahendra swiftly cut him off.

""DI, I love you. I don't talk because I want you to think how much I mean in your life and you need me." (DI, I love you. I'm not talking because I want you to think about how much I mean to you in your life and need me)

"I love you, You mean everything to me, Dear"("I love you, you mean everything to me, baby) I replied spontaneously.

Mahendra did not answer but he switched our phone to a video call. I welcome that visual call. Really a long time did not see his face makes me not want immediately the image of the face of the person I love just disappeared from my memory.

" In, don't judge me like other men you know. Don't think and ever think that everymen behave like your ex husband." ("Di, don't judge me like any other man you know. Don't think and ever think that all men behave like your ex-husband.")

The man I saw on my phone screen looked a little bit thin from a few months ago when we met face to face in Korea. He looked a little thin and unkempt with thick hair covering his chin and cheeks.

"I am so sorry, Dear. I am so sorry." I said later without letting go of my eyes on his face.

"Its Okay. Di" said Mahendra with a smile that does not look sweet because it is covered in a bewok on his face that reduces the good looks of his face.

I forget that even though my lover is not in sight but he knows my every move and my heart. I forgot that his love was actually greater than anything and from anyone.

Our talk and jokes were so warm.  The sky that was once overcast now turned bright. The rain that fell stopped immediately. It was as if I knew the atmosphere of my heart that returned bright after getting an answer from my lover. Without feeling the time has shown at four o'clock in the afternoon - time I closed my worksheet today and returned home.

" Honey-I will call you at night when you are free. I need to go home."("Sweetheart-I'll call you at night when you're free. I have to go home.) I told Mahendra

Mahendra smiled and just nodded his head. The man then floated his kiss through the phone screen to me

There was a sense of happiness when I saw him do that - but there was also sadness in my heart.whether until when we would be far apart like this. I just pray that Mahendra is the right mate that God has given me this time.

Now I realize one thing, that distance is only a perception. Because the near can be distant, the invisible can be felt very close. Distance taught me, no longer the eyes that must see but how strong the heart loves and words of love spoken.I am guilty of it - but this love is no longer able to contain and express with a passionate longing.  Because one day the time will come for the meeting to come, may you greet me with love.

Office room only left a few people - the habit of undisciplined employees who come home from work before time to be honest often makes me angry plus have leaders who are not firm in attitude.

I stepped my foot out of my office. I don't care about my work environment. The greetings from some of my office colleagues were not too much of a concern - though I still answered as necessary. My mood may have been better but my saturation of work has not made me better.

"Rome Ma'am." asked Herdi who was an offie boy in my office

"yes, Di." I answered as necessary.

Herdi again offered his services to carry documents lined up in my luggage. Unsolicited this stocky guy always helps ease my work. To this man - it is impossible to think I ignore his greeting - other than I greatly appreciate his performance - I also appreciate his hospitality to everyone in my office.

Without hesitation I took out some fifty thousand bills and thrust them at Andi.

"Herdi's sorry there's a little bit of Mom. To buy your son's milk more," I said later to Herdi.

Herdi timidly accepted my gift. I know that Herdi needs him now - let alone his wife having just given birth to a baby girl.

"Anu-Ah Mother thank you very much Ma'am." she told me again.

The man opened the car door for me - and then opened the back of the trunk to store my luggage that he was carrying earlier.

"Mother Diana-I always pray for the health and success of the mother. And of course mommy smoga gets a good husband later." said Herdi to me again as I opened my window.

A Good Husband? yah. I do expect and always pray to God that one day be given the soul mate of a good husband and understand me.

My prayer-Mahendra is the man God chose for me to be my last husband.

Amin Ya Rabbalalamin