I LOVE YOU (I LOVE YOU NOT)
The Marriage Test III

My conversation with Mr. Beni a few days ago was always ringing in my head.

My marriage didn't go as smoothly as I dreamed - it wasn't as romantic as other young couples. Maybe the concept of marriage that I have in mind is different from Edi. Even before we got married we talked about our future goals - but the reality we live with is very much different. I cannot deny the concept of marriage that was offered by Edi is very thoughtful with sweet promises to me. Everything we promised was different from what we did.

In addition - the old man's adage about Seeds, Bebet, Weight in looking for a soul mate does need to be considered as well. Sometimes different social status can be a problem in the household - although differences in social status depend heavily on each individual in responding to it.

Actually, I've never disputed the status difference between Me and Edi. But it was precisely Edi who considered the difference to be a problem in our household. Most likely because of differences in social status between us both affect differences in habits, lifestyle, environment in social relations. Edi always felt reluctant when gathered with my extended family, even every celebration Edi preferred to celebrate with his family. As a wife of course I will follow my husband's will - even since our marriage only once I was allowed to celebrate the feast with my family.

"Please spread out with your family - but don't expect me to come" he said one time.

I just kept quiet with Edi's response. But I never wanted to impose my will because it would end in a commotion if I did.

Back I remember Mr. Beni's words to me while on our trip monitoring the development of the company's new project in Balikpapan City.

""You will suffer if you endure. He has hurt you even his family will do more painful things to you." Mr. Beni told me.

"Ah-I don't think so sir. His family was very kind to me." I said defending.

"Yes hope so." said Mr. Beni while patting my shoulder

For almost a year I joined Mr. Beni's company. Our income coffers are also growing. On the advice of Mr. Beni so that I focus on the work that I run as a civil servant and also a confidant in his company.- Finally I decided to buy a residential house in the West Bandung area. A house that has long been uninhabited with a state of heavy damage at a very affordable price.House built from scratch with a design that I made myself to save costs.

The construction process took more than eight months. The development process was completely up to Edi and his father to organize and monitor the workers.

Drama quarrels while building this house often occur - starting from Dad Edi who wants to hire his family inexperienced as a builder until his father's desire to change the shape of the house from the design of the house i create. As a result, the finished house was longer than the target should be and with a final result that is not as expected.

But it is - even so we decided to accept whatever the condition of the house was because of the many funds beyond suspicion that we had issued.

The first month we occupied the house - Edi started bringing his sister one by one to live together. Erni and Deni Edi's third and youngest brother first lived in our house - not intermittent months - Ayuni, Edi's sister and her husband and two children who were toddlers also moved into our house.

Ayuni has been married to Aman - a man who comes from the same City as me and since they married Ayuni ` carried by her husband who works in Bengkulu City and has been blessed with a pair of boys and girls who is still a toddler. The spoiled Ayuni insisted on moving from Bengkulu City because she felt she did not feel at home living in a room with Aman's parents.

Actually I do not mind if the Edi brothers live with us - But there is a sense of unease for me to be free in my own house let alone two other Edi sisters have lived with us for years. Living in one house with several members of the Edi family feels heavy for me - in addition to all the daily and monthly needs and education costs of both Edi's sisters who bear it..

“You don't like them living here? edi asked in a high tone to me as I asked how long his sister Ayuni would stay with us.

“Not so. Ayu is already married - they are not trying to find a home by themselves. Moreover, they have two children” said I try to be patient.

"It is better that there are small children in this house than you until now barren can not love children. “ Edi's cynical answer is very hurtful to hear it. "Just let them here anyway this house many rooms and so it is not quiet.” he continued again.

The words that came out of Edi's mouth again made me hurt and humiliated as a woman. My own family has never been like this. But the man who became my husband who was supposed to protect and maintain my dignity in front of others did the opposite. The words of “mandul” are often spoken from his mouth and also his father when I was among their colleagues or his extended family.

Edi from the beginning we were married was always rude and seemed to think of me as an enemy not as a wife. There is no right for me to protest or express my opinion on him.

I no longer comment much with the presence of Edi's brothers in our house. Although their presence makes me feel uncomfortable for me to do activities in the house. I feel like a stranger in my own home.

These eyes still feel the weight of holding back sleepiness - let alone these few nights I am always disturbed by the noise of Edi and her family. I washed my face to relieve the drowsiness and wudhu to hasten my morning prayers that were almost missed. I peeked out of the room from the open door opening in the living room - I saw Edi, his brother and father still sleeping on the floor of the living room with a red carpet.

Although there was a reluctance to get out of my room - I finally decided to open the door and go out. immediately after hearing the creaking sound of the door of the room opened - all the eyes of the people in the middle room were instantly fixed on me. There were no smiles or morning greetings from them - though I tried to widen my smile to them. And-they came back with their preoccupation again without caring for me.

I walked upstairs through the stairs that were on the side of Deni's room, Edi's youngest brother.  For some reason, my eyes accidentally looked at the Deni study desk which was located close to the door. Check the phone belonging to Edi who blinked with a short message that entered, The position of the phone that is being charged was also in a condition of not locked security so that the incoming messages can be seen on the screen.

I know exactly Edi often stayed in his sister Deni's room while busy with the phone I bought as a gift for his 32nd birthday a year ago. My hand opened the cell phone. I was still not at peace with myself - with all her infidelity at the beginning of the marriage even when I was pregnant with our first child.

I chose to find out with my own hands and eyes what exactly Edi was hiding from me. My hands are looking for suspicious SMS or BBM contents on her mobile phone. Ah usual I thought after reading the names that appear in the record of SMS and BBM conversations aimed at Edi.

All from the office friends and family of the edi I know, my inner. But I don't know why there is

curiosity when I saw a more dominant name sending messages in whatsapp and phone calls to Edi.

It contained a few phone calls and whatsapp from someone named Ali. I opened one of Ali's messages to her - and how surprised I was to see the contents of the message beginning with the words My dear to Edi. Is this man who is my husband a same-sex lover?

(Darling, are you awake? I dreamt of you last night.I miss sleeping in your arms)

(Honey when your wife returns to Jakarta. I need you here? Or am I going to your house, baby?)

then read by me also a reply from Edi.

(Yes dear. Wait for news from me. today the barren woman returned to Jakarta.)

(I love you sexy)

Some of the messages they both read by me were enough to make my mind rummage in no direction - I want to be angry let alone imagine what they did when I wasn't in this city. There were no tears of sadness and disappointment at all. Only growing anger and hatred existed within me towards Edi.

"Hey, what are you doing here! edi's voice sounded loudly to me from outside the room when I saw me busy opening his cellphone. He quickly snatched away his cell phone in my hand. "How dare you open your husband without permission!

"Who's Ali? oh or Lia's real name." I asked

"Who do you mean I don't know" he said kinked

"alright. You don't have to say it's okay. The longer the more disgust I see what you do." I finally said in a slightly raised voice. The family of Edi who heard our quarrels were both - staring at me with a dislike of Daddy Edi who was commonly called Apih.

"You don't appreciate your husband. What kind of wife are you, Di. Didn't your parents teach you to respect your husband? apih's voice with a slight yell towards me.

Of course I'm outnumbered in this house. I was alone - and Edi and his family were in this house.

I did not say anything to Apih to me. After all He was my husband's parents and has also been my parents ever since I decided to marry Edi.

I noticed a hostile atmosphere this morning to me. I rushed into my room and packed up.

Edi looked at me with anger.

"You coming? he said rude

I didn't answer. My hands were still swiftly taking some twins of my clothes and my valuables into the suitcase.

"Go away far away. Make it hard for people."more while slamming my room door.

I was shocked to hear the sound of the door slamming earlier. It also made me aware of the rights of my being in this house. Hey, this is my house. I worked hard to buy this house. Not a bit of effort Edi is in this house. Then why do I have to get out of this house?

I caught up with Edi who first came out of the room - I saw Edi and the family still had time - all the time joking as if there was no quarrel between us.

"sorry. Apih, Mamah and all the sisters. Maybe I wasn't being polite this time - I didn't mean to expel you all either. But honestly I feel uncomfortable living in my own house," I said trying to lower the volume of my voice and my emotions."If you are pleased - especially Ayuni and Topo - you are married, then find your own place to live. Too heavy a burden I bear the cost of all of you in this house."

"Whatchu mean? You want to throw me and my family out?! edi said snapping at me was getting displeased.

"Huh.why Teteh increasingly brazen to Apih and Mamah anyway! Ayuni followed me around, but Topo-Husband's hand held Ayuni back from commenting further.

Everyone who heard my words looked unhappy - except Deni. Deni looked down, not daring to look at me. Among all the families of Edi only Deni was close to me. Even Deni always thanked me whenever I gave him monthly money or SPP tuition money. Deni knew very well - that the expenses I had been spending on this family were the result of my own hard work - while Edi's income was for his own pleasure.

"The son-in-law doesn't know himself. This house is also my son who built it." said Apih . "If you don't like why don't you get out of this house.!" his voice grew louder showing his anger at me.

"No, Pih." said Deni interrupted his father's speech. " So far Diana Tea that has sacrificed a lot for our family.This house was also Teteh who financed all. Apih, Ak Edi and all here - you should know that Diana's tea has sacrificed a lot to finance We are not Ak Edi." continued Deni powerless to hold back his emotions. The sadness and disappointment in his family gushed from his eyes. Deni came up to me then he greeted my right hand gently and shook my hand.

" I'm sorry if Deni, Ak Edi, Apih, Mamah and all have been a lot of trouble for me."

I can't say anything anymore. Everything Deni said represented the whole[burden of my thoughts and feelings all along.

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