I'm Single Mom
ASM 25's

"Bun, when the hell did you come?" Whine El this afternoon. He's got a little fever.

" Work again, later if you're not busy." I tried to calm El down.

" Let's try and stay here, El can hug every day." Complaints again.

" Patience to you! Patience must be in the love of God."

" It is true bun, if we are patient to be loved by God?"

" Yes dong, not only God but everyone will love." I said while hugging my daughter.

El looked back, I don't know what was on the mind of a child as small as him.

" El, "I called her name, but her gaze was blank. He did not even respond to my call.

Tired of false promises?

" El," I again shook his body, he only saw me for a moment after he threw away his gaze.

I immediately took the water in the dipper and immediately washed El's face..

" El, don't lose your spirit, El's promise you'll take me to live with us."

" Which father, bun? Is El allowed to have a father?" Ask weakens.

Since birth El is a child who rarely gets sick. And this time, El seemed to have lost the spirit of life.

I hug my princess. The pain in my heart is getting worse.

" We'll be strong even without El's father." I'm talking to myself.

" El why Sa?" Suddenly, Grandma came.

" Lost daddy, grandma." My heartache reveals El's wish.

" Is Akmal his father?" Grandma investigates like a detective.

I dare not look at Grandma. I also don't want anyone to know who El's father really is.

" If it is, get married for the sake of your children." Grandma again.

" When you look at the aura of Akmal and El's face, it's like there's a blood relation." Nek Aminah continued to speak.

" Grandmother, Akmal is indeed El's father, and now Akmal wants us to get married."

" Good dong, then what are you waiting for? No pity on your son?" Nek Aminah was like looking at me.

" Sir, how can I accept Akmal if he has a relationship with Zaskia? I don't want to hurt Zaskia, Grandma."

" So sooner or later Zaskia's gonna get hurt, right?"

I digest all the words of Grandma Aminah. And what she said was true. Sooner or later Zaskia will be hurt to accept the reality.

" It is better to be honest in the beginning, before the relationship between Zaskia and Akmal gets further. You don't want Akmal going back to ruin your sister? Men who have had marital relations, have many ways to do it again with women in various ways."

The words of Nek Aminah are so striking. I was like slapped to stay sober. What if they're khilaf? Akmal's regret does not mean he has been converted.

" Think carefully." Grandpa Aminah stepped away. Maybe tonight Grandma Aminah wants to sleep in her own house. An old man like the Grandpa Aminah cannot be regulated by his will. I try to better understand the situation of Grandma Aminah.

Nek Aminah's departure made me reflect back. If I am ready to marry Akmal, then I will most likely return to lose the family that just re-established. However, if I relented, letting Akmal marry Zaskia, then I should be ready to see El so hurt.

" Sir, am I too strong, that you believe I can pass all your trials?"

Tok.dok..

The door of the house is knocked by someone.

" Akmal is coming?" My heart wonders for itself.

For a moment I peeked out from the hollow slit of the board. It's true, there's Akmal in front of my door that's still closed.

There was a thumping feeling, like a person who had just fallen in love. I had this experience when Akmal first expressed his feelings for me. And now... The feeling came back.

" What's up?" Ask indifferent. Sometimes I get confused about myself. When far away, longing is passionate, but when it is in sight, I turn into prestige. Is this what you call love?

" Want to see El." He said, "Where is El?" Akmal was surprised because he did not find his only daughter welcoming him.

" You can go home now." Get rid of me."

Akmal dyed, wishing there was El inside. But no, because El was asleep.

" Why are you? I just want to see El." He said a little angry.

" Now don't ever come again. We can do without you." Ketus. I don't know what's going on in my heart, so I can be this angry at Akmal.

" You can live without me, but not for El. El... Dad's coming," Akmal shouted a little loudly.

" Dad..." Call El from the room.

Akmal pushed me from the door, "never stop me from meeting my daughter." He hurried to leave me and entered our room.

" El, dad's daughter. You're sick." Akmal hugged his daughter's weakened body.

His hand held El's forehead, "you have a fever?"

Akmal looked at me sharply, as if asking for an explanation for his daughter's circumstances.

Akmal's holding El, "we're taking El for treatment."

There was a worried murat on Akmal's face. Without denying I followed him from behind.

*

El has already received help. It turns out El had a high fever. Fortunately, El got a faster hand. If not, something bad could happen to El.

" Why the hell are you being careless?" Akmal started to blame me.

I looked at him with a flat expression, "know what you are about sloppy?" Fierce reply. My little heart does not take the blame.

" You can be that relaxed in the face..."

I put my index finger in front of my mouth as a sign to keep Akmal quiet.

" Sstttt. you...." Emotions peaked when I met Akmal.

" You don't know anything about El. If I had been careless long ago, maybe you would never have looked at El like you are today. If I was careless, I could have thrown El into the river when he was born because no man would be responsible for El's existence." My whisper was slow but it stabbed straight into his heart.

" Don't teach me about childcare, Akmal. Because if you disturb that area, then my mouth will be sharper skinning your humanity!"

Akmal did not reply. All he could do was look down while holding El's hand, his flesh and blood.

The mood was silent again. Akmal and I are no longer in conversation. If he finds out, the harshness of my current nature is due to his attitude of being a loser man.

Akmal's cell phone voice breaks the silence inside El's nursery.

Akmal looked at me before answering someone's phone. Maybe Zaskia, I guessed.

And it turns...

" I'm sorry, I can't come. We changed dinner the other day. There's still business."

My guess is not wrong. The phone is Zaskia. Turns out they're planning dinner, "Huh. Dinner, what's special." My mind is self-serving.

" Yes... But sorry. I promise you that after the business is ready, you come straight to your house. Okay well? Please don't sulk, it's not the right time, Zaskia." Akmal tried to persuade his girlfriend. I pretended not to hear their talk. Padahl I purposely put my ears on so I could hear their talk.

Akmal shut the phone. I heard, he breathed heavily.

" It's exhausting to face a spoiled woman like Zaskia? How, it is difficult to compare which pliers are good and which are best? Remember how patient I was with you?" I remember the time of the Nelangsa with Akmal. Long ago.... I gave up too much now...

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