I'm the One who Lose
Chapter 17

Pov Rini's

She's my daughter who's been silent and misses her father. Looks cute when his father visits but turns silent he harbors the desire to feel his father's affection. Missed her father's presence to always be around her.

"Bund, mother remarry dong let me have a father"

my daughter said one afternoon, she said with funny manyun lips and sat up leaning on my shoulder.

"But my sister has a father"

I answered confusedly.

"yes, but I'm not here to continue. I want to have a father who's here all the time, just as we continue"

Like being stuck with my heart's dagger it feels. Hearing the curses from my daughter, it really was something I did not expect at all. I do intend not to return home because I do not want my children will feel uncomfortable living with me because of the existence of a stepfather. Especially for my daughter. I can't believe deep down she misses a father. I thought he was okay, I thought he was starting to accept my separation from my ex-husband. But it turns out silent she harbors pain and desire. When his sister picked up his father to be invited to stay at his father's house he always did not want to. He chose to stay home with me. I thought that he did not want to be with his father, because from a young age he was not close to his father. But who would have thought silent he harbored his wish. That expression of my son's heart was a surprise to me.

I was pensive in the middle of the night. These eyes don't want to be closed. My brain wanders, my daughter's words always loom over the mind. I saw both of my children sleeping well. I rubbed and kissed them one by one. My spoiled son and my older daughter. I let out a long sigh, thinking about my daughter's wishes. About his desire to have a father who would always be with him.

My beautiful son is now nine years old. A girl of that age may in a few more years she will get her period. And if I have a husband, my husband is not his muhrim. Maybe she should be able to indulge with her stepfather like she was spoiled with her real father. He did not understand when he started menstruating later, he should not be close to the opposite sex who is not his muhrim. While his stepfather is not his muhrim. And I'm his mother, having to guard him from the opposite sex who is not his muhrim. Will I be able to do it, will my husband be able to respect the privacy of my daughter. I am really scared. I was afraid of the wrong guy. I'm afraid my daughter will be uncomfortable living with me because of her stepfather. Often I saw and heard the news of a girl being raped by her stepfather, a girl being abused by her stepfather for years and threatened with murder if she complained. Never also heard of a boy being a victim of sodomy precisely from the closest person. Suddenly my feathers goosebumps, can not imagine that until all those things happen to my son. I felt my chest that suddenly shook, unable to imagine more than that. This chest pain imagines my son becoming a victim of a predator. I'd rather not have a partner, than have my son suffer.

Since the arrival of Angga mas that morning, he has indeed kept his promise to my second child. He comes here every weekend. Sometimes he takes Harjuna to Jakarta and stays there. But every time Harjuna went with his father to Jakarta, my daughter would not participate. I just think it's all because Ais isn't close to her father. Turns out I was wrong, it turns out my daughter still harbors hatred for her father. Hate for the betrayal his father made. But in fact, he also expected the presence of his father.

"Should I marry again, marry again?

then what if it turns out I got the wrong guy"

Rini muttered in her heart. The fear that was in him made him unable to sleep all night.

Walking into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee, bitter coffee that he had not consumed for a long time since he was heartbroken over the betrayal of Angga. Now he's brewing it back. Drinking that bitter water to thin his brain. He had to think hard, Ais's curses couldn't be trivial. And fortunately the youngest did not wake up to suckle making Rini free to process his brain. Tired of thinking without finding a meeting point finally Rini took a cellphone and rubbed the screen. Asik surfing in the virtual world makes Rini forget for a moment the anxiety of her heart. Didn't feel thirty minutes already Rini cool with her mobile phone. Suddenly there was a chat coming in. Curious Rini opened the green application, why would anyone send a message to her in the early hours of this morning.

Ex-ex:

"yet still online?

why haven't you slept?"

Rainbow:

"any more can't sleep"

send....

Ex-ex:

"what makes you sleepless?"

This time Rini was really confused by the behavior of Angga, Angga questions like people who care for their loved ones. "Ah, maybe I'll just go to ge eran"

Rini muttered to herself.

Ex-ex:

"aku mau mendengar ceritamu, kalau kamu mau. aku telpon ya?"

Rainbow:

"sorry, I'm sleepy"

send.....

Rini then turned off her phone. Do not know why, Angga late this more often contact him. Either ask about children or just ask about the news of him.

The clock on the wall showed at two in the morning, not feeling almost all night he was awake. Walk into the room and lay down his body, sleeping on his side facing the baby box next to him. Rini's eyes looked at the tiny, slumbering baby. Closing your eyes hoping to sleep well. It wasn't until five minutes that Rini's eyes opened. His brain that continues to spin can not be invited to enter the dream realm. Rini breathed out, passing all the questions she was facing to her Lord.

With a sluggish body Rini tried to wake up from her sleep. Not even two hours he closed his eyes now he had to wake up because he heard the ultimate cry. Rini leaned her head that felt dizzy on the back of the bed, she sat holding the little one who was asking for ASI. Rini felt that something was wrong with her body. In addition to a dizzy head, his body also felt weak. The stomach starts to feel nauseous as it is stirred. With all his strength, Rini withstood the turmoil that was in the stomach, until there was a lot of cold sweat on her body. Hold it until the little one is satisfied with his ASI. Because if your little one is left before full can be sure he will cry loudly and long.

Rini immediately ran to the bathroom as soon as she finished putting her baby in the baby box. He spits out everything in his stomach. His body felt weak. Rini stood up while holding her stomach that felt painful, while remembering what food entered her stomach last night.