KINARA (Tresno Soko Kulino)
S2 Part 1's
"Oh, our arranged marriage is void, I am unable to do something that my heart has not been able to accept, I am forced to accept this matchup because of the return of your parents' kindness to me and my mother, I really can't accept it, I'm afraid it will hurt you later if our marriage will still happen" said the man in front of me.
I was stunned for a moment, my world seemed to collapse in a matter of seconds, not believing the words of the man I would call a month away as a husband.
"Kei, sorry" said the man sitting right in front of me with his head lowered.
A few seconds ago a painful sentence came out of his lips smoothly.A sentence that was able to overturn my life in the future.
I still faithfully looked at him with a look of disbelief, the first man who could change my view of a man.the man I considered capable of being my priest even though there was no word of love spoken between us.
My far-flung pride in the future has now crumbled in a second.The turning point of my life has been on the verge of collapse because of it.
I don't know what my life will be after today.I still can't digest what he said a few seconds ago.I still hope it's all just an illusion just a dream. I slowly pinched my arm that was covered in the long sleeves of the clothes I was wearing, it hurt. I did not dream and this is a bitter reality.
"Mas, look at me" I pleaded with him but the man just looked at me for a glimpse and threw his gaze out.
"What's my fault?" ask me once again.but he remained faithful in his silence made me finally give up and growled himself with his attitude.is it difficult to talk?.
"If you don't want to talk, I'm gone" I said standing up to grab a sling bag and pushing the chair I was sitting on.
"Kei," he called me to stop, hoping he would do something again a few minutes ago.
"You're not wrong kei, but I still can't accept this matchmaking, I don't want to make you more hurt if we stay married" he said, making me stronger the intention to leave him at this time.
I turned to look at her trying to find a crack of lies from the look in her eyes, but nil. I sighed heavily with tears welling up in the corner of my eyes. I stepped involuntarily and hugged her tightly. I poured out all the feelings and despair mixed with millions of disappointments in my heart.I didn't expect him to return my arms.
"You're evil mas"
"I'm sorry Kei"
I broke my embrace and looked at her for a while and then walked away leaving her with the millions of disappointments I brought.
Arriving at the park parking lot I did not realize that I had called a neighbor in front of the house Bulik Sri who I did not know too well myself.
"I'm in the parking lot of mas city park, pick me up now" I said without further ado.
"Now? not wrong? I'm on my way to the city mbak already far" I heard he spoke a little refused.
"I don't want to know, just pick it up now, or I'll report brother Kinara I'm asking to fire you right now from the office?" threatening me out of anger.I really don't know who to talk to this time.My brain is completely dead-end.
"Don't mbak, I pay for college use what later, yes I go there, wait for me at the mosque near the park one hour until mbak" he said in a frightened tone from the end of the phone.
Somehow I just according to what was said in Hanan's car on the phone earlier asked me to wait at the mosque near the city park.
Arriving at the mosque I immediately sat in the emperan with my legs bent and my head hidden between my knees. I did not expect the happiness I would assemble in such a way to be shattered in an instant.
"Mbak" said someone who had been sitting not far from me since when I came because no one was seen at the mosque.
"Mbak" call her back.
I looked up to see the middle-aged woman with a clean face smiling at me. I returned her smile with puffy eyes from crying since.
"Where do you want a ride?" ask him.
Why not ask me why I was crying instead ask me I need a ride or not. I was not lost. I shook my head to answer questions from him.
"Why are you here?"
"I'm waiting for an invitation, it's still another hour he said just until Mom"
"Ooh, yes I have lived first yes, if for example need anything call me back there yes, it's a building behind my mosque there mbak"
"Oh i.iya ma'am thank you very much"
The woman stepped through the half of the mosque towards the back.I followed her very slow and slow walking direction through the window of the mosque and the woman completely disappeared behind the mosque building.
I took my phone from my sling bag. I saw that the clock was 16:00 which means that the Ashar prayer time had been completed since then and was almost over. I rushed towards the bathroom to pick up the wudlu.
I performed the four raka'at ashar prayer and my sobbing broke again as I looked up and prayed for strength in the power of the owner of the heart.
when my heart really felt calm, I sat back on the terrace of the mosque while waiting for Hanan to come to pick me up. I saw the cell phone so many times that an old man dressed in all white came to the mosque and rang the sholawat through the mosque toa.
The middle-aged woman who had greeted me earlier this afternoon also came with a complete prayer equipment that had been used on her body.she smiled at me before entering the mosque and cleaning the floor of the mosque.
When I stood up to catch up with the middle-aged woman, my phone rang.Reno's name was plastered on my phone screen.I sighed and answered her call.
"Waalaikumsalam why?"
"I'm at the mosque near the park, what's up?"
"It's none of your business, is it?"
"No kidding, I can go home by myself"
"Why did you stay silent when I left? mas didn't hold me back at all let alone intend to drive me home right?"
"Udah stale, I wait for Hanan mas pick up, so mas do not bother nganter I go home, this already want Maghrib, I'm here since finished ashar mas, it's been over two hours, why am I just now, where am I?"
"If you come here, I'll kill myself right now"
Tut
I forcibly disconnected the phone from Reno mas. really I really can not accept his planless attitude, really, where was he when I left two and a half hours ago even holding me back from staying there he didn't do it either. And now he's just looking for me out of fear of my father? so childish.
It is true that the writing of a book that I have read, "do not force one's heart to dive into your life completely, because it is impossible"
I just believed this phrase, maybe all this time I was too forced to accept someone who did not necessarily want me too.
I flinched from the daydream as my shoulder was patted several times.
"Sir, is it wudlu?" asked the middle-aged woman kindly.I shook my head faintly.
"If you have not spattered mbak, rather than later crowded, do not get part shaf" he said again.
"Oh yes Ma'am, I wudlu now" I rushed to follow his words and immediately took another back to the mosque and took a set of prayer tools from inside the closet in the corner of the mosque and put them on. sure enough, a few minutes later many people had come to the mosque and filled the shaf. lucky I was sitting next to the mother was in the front shaf.
Ba'da Maghrib Prayer, Maghrib, I did not see the worshippers coming out of the mosque all still sitting in their respective positions until finally the voice of an old man who I assessed was one of the mosque managers was inviting someone to give a little tausiyah to jama'ah.
I heard it carefully and suspiciously. because this sound is similar to the voice of Hanan in front of the house Bulik Sri who has just recently helped me a lot to prepare for my marriage with Reno at the request of Mr. Kinar as a boss.
The whispers I heard from the congregation sitting next to me was talking to a friend next to him.
"That's Kyai Rohmat's nephew, who graduated from Gontor" whispered one of the worshippers
"Eh horrified his people now work in big companies in the city, immediately get high positions" added one of the pilgrims who sat beside me.
"Lucky who will be his wife later yes, kikikik."
"He said he wanted to be married to one of his students Kyai Rohmat but not because there were other women who were betrothed the same ummi."
"Well, really mbak?"
I turned my head as the mother sitting next to me pulled my thighs twice.she gestured me not to listen to the other worshipers.
"There is no place of shelter and sighing most beautiful than the almighty, only Allah Almighty, Do not put too much hope in humans because it will end up disappointed but put that great hope to the creator who will never give you disappointed" he said when ending tausiyah.
Like getting fresh water in a time of thirst, I seemed to get a glimmer of hope after the incident a few hours ago had hit my life hard.
I'm starting to believe that if there's going to be a rainbow after the rain, there's going to be happiness for me at the right time, hopefully, the problem with Reno could be a turning point in my future life.
I packed the prayer kit and kept it back in the closet. The mother who had also seemed to have left the mosque along with other worshipers. I grabbed my phone and saw two missed calls from Hanan and one long message from Reno that I ignored.
Just as my finger was about to press the call button, Hanan's voice had already called out to me from the direction of the male entrance. Hanan walked up to me who was standing on the porch.I was stunned to see his clean face shining under the bright lights.My eyes blinked several times to convince myself that the man was Hanan.
"M..mas?" I stammered.he smiled softly.
"Sorry miss waited a long time, it was in the middle of the road there was an accident so a bit stuck I turned back here" he said very politely as usual when we met to talk about my wedding preparations and Reno.
"Oh, can't you go home now?"
"Se..now miss, but I'm going to use a big motorbike, how, or do you want me to order a taxi and I follow from behind?" bargain with courtesy.
I thought for a moment and agreed to his offer instead of arriving at the house last night, let alone I was only a day's permit from the housekeeper and tomorrow morning had to go back to the cottage.
We were standing at the door of the mosque waiting for a taxi to pick me up and soon one of the young men came up to us and spoke to Hanan very seriously.
"Where's the bike going?" ask me wonder when the big motorbike he uses in someone else's drive.
"Oh that, brought to the city, tomorrow I take the bus. that's my class which is his job received and between orders because he happened to be on holiday I asked for help to take my motorcycle to the city" he explained at length.
"Well, will you come home with me to take that taxi?" I said a little suspicious.
"Yes, don't think weird miss, I'm sitting near the driver, miss can sit in the back in the passenger seat, I just want to keep the miss and make sure the miss is safe until the destination, because that's my main task" he said full of assertiveness.
"Ah yes, thank you for the same attention I mas" said I sungkan. I re-open the phone and read Reno's message.
"Assalamualaikum Sorry Kei, sorry to make you more hurt with my attitude, I just don't want to rush to make a decision in my life, if it will hurt you later, forgive me. be careful on the road say my greetings and apologies to father and family. Hopefully there will be a man who can take care of you wholeheartedly, become the way of your heaven with your children later. thank you for your last hug, thank you for letting me see you one last time. Wassalamu'alaikum"
I did not realize that the tears that had dried up were now flowing back.I cried gurgled, my body leaned against the wall of the mosque fence.My body was broken, my body was broken, I clenched myself to enjoy a deep pain that I had never forgotten in my history.
When the Adzan isya had reverberated I looked up and rubbed my eyes with the tip of the hijab I was wearing. as I stood there was a shadow of a biker passing by and I could mark it if it was Reno passing by.
Has he been here since? my mind asked.I was about to step but Hanan's voice stopped my steps instantly.
"The taxi has been waiting since, now is the time to pray Isya, want to continue or we stop praying first, I happen to know the driver" Hanan said.
"We pray first, just come home"
"Neither miss"
I stepped into the courtyard of the mosque and headed straight to the ablution.Reno's shadow still flashed in my mind.but I tried to ignore the item for a moment.