KINARA (Tresno Soko Kulino)
The S2 Part 14
Today I finally became a new resident in the house of Kinara's father-in-law according to the agreement of Denias and Azka mas my sister-in-law and Kardi sir while still in the village.
It's really not easy for me to live a new life with people I don't know very well other than Azka mas and mbak Kinar, of course the feeling of condolence remains, but as much as possible I try to be ordinary.
After traveling for two days and two nights we finally arrived at the destination when the time was near the early hours.The journey was tiring of course, of course, because Denias prefers to use four-wheeled vehicles rather than aircraft with the reason to be able to rest while refreshing the brain he said.
Reason that makes sense also in my opinion, because during the trip I was able to enjoy the beauty of the world painting created by Allah SWT that is incomparable. a little refreshing heart that had been fussy some time ago.
After Reno canceled our wedding that afternoon, when I returned home to Bulik Sri that night in between Hanan people could still hold back. but the next day after Paklik Kardi drove me to the cottage I really felt insignificant anymore considering all my treatment of Reno, and vice versa. I tried hard to accept him as the future husband of choice of parents for almost four months, as well as mbak Kinar and mas Azka who used to also get married because of the choice of parents, I also want to be like that which can end happily.
I feel my fate is not as lucky as Kinar, God seems unfair on my life, even though I and mbak Kinara are twins, but the fate of our lives is very different.I envy, annoyed, annoyed, hate all my feelings of disappointment mixed into one. moreover there was one of the students in the cottage who said I failed to get married because of stress until my future husband canceled our marriage. out of nowhere the santri got such news, even though since I returned to the cottage, not once did I tell anyone about my personal problems including my cousin Arini.
I committed suicide many times even in the presence of Bu nyai Afifah and in the end I was brought back home Bulik Sri by Azka mas and Hanan mas who willingly came to the cottage to pick me up. those who are nobody to me to be willing to pick me up when there is a family who needs his presence.
Until I arrived at the Bulik Sri house I was still desperate to commit suicide because I really could not stand all the problems I faced, God was really unfair on my life. my brother is better than me and I am so bad.
It turns out that my reckless actions actually make those who help me feel more sympathy and pity for my psychic condition. until a doctor brought by Denias changed my point of view on one thing I had forgotten all along.
"Do you know why Azka and Denias are here even Azka to the point of bringing you home?" ask a doctor named Fritz who is still a family of in-laws mbak Kinara.
"No, at most they are visiting the doctor" I replied accordingly.
"Since they care about you, they love you, do you know that your father and brother are there waiting for you to come?"
"They don't care, because they're busy docking"
"No, their bodies work but their hearts and minds work for you, every time they miss you, waiting for you to come home, they also know what you're going through, they also try to find peace from your problems, you are not alone Kei, they all love you, they want you back, they want you to be happy in your right way, not adding to their inner wounds by the way you end life.it is not ethical and it is forbidden by Allah swt."
"Don't listen to the negative words of others, you live not from the fruits of their labor, just let them say as they please because one day they will reap the rewards of their own deeds"
"I can't take it, Doc, why is my life more difficult while Kinar's life is happy, god isn't fair"
"Who said Kinara's life was happier than yours?"
"The fact that I saw like that is doctor"
"Hahaha, you only see from your eyes, you never understand what they feel, the problems of other people's lives are different Kei, not all must be in your liking"
"What's wrong if I also want to be like mbak Kinar sir, he can happily accept arranged marriages, I should also be, because we are twins"
"Yes yes, so what do you want now?"
"I want to be happy in the same way, but why is it like this?"
"Kei, this isn't really my right to want a story, but you should know one thing, anyway, if Kinara and Azka had never been happy with their parents' decision to marry them while they were still in school uniform, you didn't go through what they went through, their lives are even more dangerous to make you come back, Kinara is willing to sacrifice her freedom in order to always avoid the deceased Anthony's men who are after Kinara, your father's life was always beset with guilt after your loss, for fifteen years your father and mother lived in grief, and did you know that they were forced to lie to Kinara if you died, just for the sake of saving you, just for the sake of not wanting your parents to lose their children again." explained the doctor at length, making my chest covered with tightness, and then, it turns out there are a lot of things I don't know at all from my twin brother.
"Then what should I do now, doctor?"
"Sholat, facing the Almighty so that you are given a better soul mate, do not force the will okay?"
"Nice doc"