Like a Former Nail
SEASON 2 Episode 4
IG: @alzaeida0808
Feeling a little calm, I had to go back to the kitchen. Mbok Ida must be overwhelmed because Aunt Ria does not employ others. But thankfully Mbok Ida asked me to help in the kitchen alone. Guests seem to have come home a lot. The task of preparing and delivering food was also slightly reduced.
“Sorry, bathroom where, yes?”
The plate I was rubbing with soap spontaneously fell into the sink container. That hoarse voice surprised me. Plus the voice reminds me of someone.
“Excuse me!” yells.
I pointed with my finger without turning back. I'm sure that voice belonged to Devian. That sound often haunts my night sleep.
“What have we ever met before?” suddenly, Devian's voice came back.
I held the rim of the sink tightly, hoping to dispel the fear that was coming back.
“Actually I have had an accident and some of my memories are gone. There are some people I can't remember. So have we known each other before?”
“Ti-no,” lirihku slowly.
“But why is your reaction so? You look at me like I'm a criminal. What—”
“Devian, why here?” a voice that seemed spoiled and flirtatious cut off Devian's speech, which I assumed was Aunt Gladis' voice.
“I want to go to the bathroom, Tan.”
“Do not use the bathroom here, use the bathroom in front only. Let Aunt inter.”
After confirming the sound of the sole of the heels moving away, I immediately let out a long sigh. Then I rinsed my hand and left the kitchen, heading for my room. I decided to hide again. I freaked. These few days are probably my bad days. I kept meeting Devian. It's the third time since our first meeting at Aji Mart. It seems that I have to worship a lot, so that the Lord will do me a little good. Not grandiose, just so I don't meet Devian in a world that's not as wide as this moringa leaf.
0_<
Ten o'clock in the evening, I just arrived at the boarding house. I threw my body into the bed. Today is very tiring, both physically and mentally. Aunt Ria and Aunt Gladis did not let me rest, even when I was still showing a terrified reaction. Everyone in the house knew I was traumatized by the rape. In the early days of the incident, I didn't even dare to be around men. I'm definitely going to scream hysterically. But no one cares. They forced me to work and school. At that time, I was sixteen years old and still needed an embrace.
“Is it true he doesn't remember it?” I said while putting my arm over my eyes.
That night I did smell alcohol in his mouth, but I'm sure Devian was still conscious. But looking at her innocent attitude, not even knowing my face, I felt a little confident in her words. Or maybe he's a crazy psycho with no conscience?
Suddenly my phone shook. WhatsApp from Lala.
Lala Aji Mart: After shif on Sunday tomorrow, watch yuk!
Lala Aji Mart: There is someone who wants to meet you
Lala Aji Mart: I've refused, but she means something
I put my phone on the sideboard side of the bed and looked back at my boarding ceiling which had a lot of brown spots due to the water. All this time I always avoid when Lala's male friends invite to get acquainted. Apart from being traumatized, I was also a bit inferior. They'd stay away if they knew I was a rape victim.
My phone is back vibrating.
The Lala Aji Mart: Please…
Lala Aji Mart: This is my cousin's sister
I thought for a long time before replying.
WhatsApp: See tomorrow at La
I took the TV remote beside the pillow and turned it on. Instantly revealed a scene of young people walking together. They each carried bags, some carried books. They look like they are chatting with each other cheerfully.
Envied? Of course, I feel it often. If only I could be like them, go to college, have lots of friends, and loving people. I have even blamed God. Why would God give me a bad life? Why did God let me experience this horrible incident? Why didn't God just let me die?
Suddenly my eyes felt heavy. I grabbed a blanket and covered my body to the chin. I don't need to take any sleeping pills tonight, it looks like I'm going to sleep well because of this tiredness. And I hope, I no longer have nightmares that are actually a re-creation of those terrible events. I hope…
0_<
“La, you know a good salon place?”
Lala, who had been focusing on calculating the stock, now raised her head. “Why?”
“I want a haircut.”
“Kok tumben? Usually always cut by yourself.”
My lips are small. “This changes the atmosphere only.”
Lala suddenly seemed to tease. “Or not because you want to meet Mas Abram tomorrow?” Lala raised her eyebrows. “Really, right? Right, right?”
My right hand is waving. “Ngak. No.”
“Lying! You must have fallen in love, right? Since I showed you the picture, right?”
“No. I told you no,” I argue.
“Not to be ashamed. I'm the first person who will support your relationship.”
I give a word of dislike. “So you know the place?”
“Let's go together, all I want creambath.”
“OK, two o'clock later, we go directly,”.
In the last two days, I have been thinking a lot. Unable to go to a psychiatrist due to the impediment of costs, and also because I did not want to have a life like this continue, which was always frightened and agitated, I decided to change a little. I want to be happy. I want to be able to have many friends and interact with them without having to worry about my condition.
Moreover, it seemed that Devian also did not feel guilty. Devian did not recall the events of that day. From the information I got on the internet—reminds me the whispers I heard from Aunt Gladis, if his mother is a senior actress who is still active and his father a businessman—he has a single accident and suffered severe injuries. He was hospitalized in Singapore for two months.
I can't put him in jail either because there's no evidence. That incident also happened five years ago. Hence, why should I suffer like this, while the doer can live fine. I do know the past can't be changed, but at least I can bury it and lock it in a meeting, then I can write a new life sheet.
I hope all my thoughts work. I really want to be happy.
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