Love That (No) Blind
Part 54: Fear of Loss

[Sara]

The attitude of the last few days is very strange.

#

Sara was preparing cooking for dinner, Agam suddenly hugged her from behind. He continued to kiss Sara's nape to the neck. Tingly of course enveloped him.

But, if this is left not only amused taste that will be felt Sara.

“Mas, iih ... More cooking, Mas.”

Agam then leaned on Sara's shoulder. “You still love me?”

The question was a surprise to Sara's laughter. Not to demean the question of Agam, but this is beyond his habit of asking that question.

After Sara turned off her stove, she turned to face Agam.

“Yes love it, Mas. Time is not ...,” he said with a wide smile, though his forehead was wrinkled with astonishment.

Sara then raised her hand, fingering Agam. “Mas is okay, right? No fever, really. Why?”

In a matter of seconds, Agam had crushed Sara's lips. Next, don't ask what happened.

But, it's just the beginning. Different story at different times.

“Sara ..”

“Hmm?”

They were chatting before going to bed – as usual – when suddenly, Agam called him like he was going to say something important.

“Why, Mas?,” asks Sara once again. His hand was already on the side of Agam's face that felt a little rough because it had started to grow thin hair.

“Then ... suppose ..”

Sara waited for what Agam would say next. Without interrupting a word. Just waiting.

The look on Agam's own face also shows doubt, anxiety, and also worry. Something wanted to be revealed, but his taste prevented him from making a sound. Always stopped in his throat without being able to get out of his mouth.

“What's up, Mas? If what?,” asked Sara encouraged Agam to say it.

But still unsaid.

“Mas actually want to say what? Why are some days this weird like this?”

His face changed again. It looks like I'm going to say something. Sara was ready to listen.

His hand touched Sara's face. Her thumb rubbed gently on Sara's cheeks which were blushing from the cold air that night.

“Sara ..” Call him once again.

“Iya ... Why, Mas?”

“I ... I love you so much.” Agam then held Sara in his arms, kissed the top of his head, then again said, “I don't want to lose you, Sara.”

In the confusion, all Sara did was return Agam's embrace, rub his back and pat him slowly. Hearts want to ask at other times, but always go unnoticed because Agam does not give him the opportunity to ask.

#

Everything seems reasonable now. This may also be the reason Agam is often seen talking to Arya and Yuda on the phone lately.

......................

Sara was lying on the bed with Agam holding her from behind. Even when he arrived home, Agam also did not show any signs of explaining anything to him.

“Mas actually knows about this, right?” Sara finally emboldened herself to open up the topic of their conversation about Vian. “Because of that Mas always behaved strangely these last few days before we return to Indonesia.”

Agam tightened his embrace until it brought Sara closer in his arms. His head rested on Sara's nape until his breath felt warm touching her skin.

“I'm sorry. Not that I don't want to tell you,” said Agam. “I just don't know how to say it to you.”

Sara sighed slowly. It is true ...

“Do not get angry,” pinta Agam who increasingly tighten his embrace.

Sara then turned her body to face Agam. He saw the look on Agam's face that had deeply regretted it.

“I'm not angry, Mas,” Sara explained. “What yes ... Bummer. These few days my attitude is very strange. There continues to be this incident. It feels now just clear.”

“Not that I want to keep it a secret. I want to say it. But it always ends up confused and doubtful. I ... I'm afraid of you ..” I stopped saying it.

“Mas is afraid I still love Mas Vian?,” asked Sara to try to guess the continuation of Agam's speech which seems to be hanging just like that if it is not continued.

But Agam shook his head. “I'm afraid you're still holding your anger with him. If I tell you this, I'm afraid I'll open your old wounds.”

Agam then gently stroked Sara's hair, and resumed his words. “I don't want to see you hurt any deeper because of him. I'm afraid your anger's gonna get you further away from me."

Oh Allah ... What have I done so far that You have given me such a good husband?

“Thank you for thinking this,” Sara said as she gently stroked Agam's face. “Thank you too Mas believe that I currently only love Mas.”

“When he suddenly said break up, I still want to fix it. Ask once again what really happened, whether it can still be fixed or not. When I got married to Mas, I planned to meet him as soon as this marriage was over. But maybe God doesn't want me to. Plans changed. I'm in love. And I never thought about it again.”

“I'm just shocked. Because suddenly meet in a situation like this. And now instead ... so his fiancee Ava.”

Sara recalled Vian's words in their conversation one last time.

“If it's Ava .. it doesn't feel wrong if Vian's parents don't approve of us,” said Sara lirih.

“Sara .. There's another reason why I find it hard to say it to you.” It looks so serious when I say it.

Sara accepts.

“I know him because you told him first. But, the information I got from Yuda is much different from your story. No, no, no, I don't believe your story. But, what I am worried about now is precisely Ava,” Agam continued.

Sara's forehead was now wrinkled in wonder. Different?

“Yuda said, Vian never went to college in Australia. And he's an orphan.”

DEG!

So who did I meet at the time?