Love That (No) Blind
Part 60-1: Let Me be Responsible

[Sara]

Sara walked down the river that was very clear of water. Never before had he seen such clear river water. He could even see the bottom of the river filled with glittering rocks.

It's exquisite. Like a diamond touching the sun.

It was too beautiful to draw her heart closer. Sara wanted to touch him.

Slowly, his feet touched the river water before he actually put the whole thing inside. When the river water had reached her knees, Sara bent her body to pick up that one glittering stone.

Suddenly, the stone Sara touched turned into a golden-colored fish. The fish, which was nearly arm-length, swam around Sara. Every now and then she seemed to accidentally bump herself with Sara's leg, then swiped her body, as if fearlessly.

Too long to be around her, Sara plays with him instead. Played his hand in the water, then let the fish follow him. Keep going until I don't know how long.

After a while, the fish finally swam away, and continued away. Sara felt lost. He chased.

But somewhere, the fish didn't exist. Why did it go so fast?

Sara crying. He sat down while covering his face with both hands. He seemed to have lost something very precious. Their meeting was only for a moment.

Sara then lowered both her hands from her face. And the scene he saw was replaced with a different one.

Dreamlike. It turned out to be just a dream.

Sara was startled by the gentle movements on her face around the eyes. A thumb was wiping it from something wet. She noticed that the hand belonged to her husband who was sitting next to her lying down.

“Mas ...,” call it down.

Once he heard his voice, Agam then kissed Sara's hand which he had been holding since then. Then he moved to the side of his face, and stayed there.

“Sgratitude ... thank goodness, you are aware ...,” said Agam who is not less shrewd than Sara.

Sara is still trying to recall what really happened to her. Why was she lying in such an unfamiliar place, and with such a worried husband beside her.

Cross-eyed in his head, an image of himself running blocked Widia from the person who was about to harm her.

“Mama!”

Agam straightened his body away from Sara.

“She ... she .. she wants to harm mom,” Sara said in her heavy breath as if she was still running to prevent the trolley from hitting Widia.

“Who, Sara?,” asked Agam who was still trying to understand Sara's story in pieces.

“Dia ..”

“Sara?,” asked the worried Agam looking at Sara.

All of a sudden, in his head was already displaying another image. The moment he stood up and looked at his two blood-filled legs.

Sontak Sara woke up at once from her bed and sat staring at the part of her feet that was still covered with blankets. With her trembling hands, Sara grabbed the blanket, then opened it violently.

There's nothing. There was no blood as he remembered.

Her breathing grew heavier as she recalled Widia's last sentence before she was unconscious.

#

“Sara, are you pregnant?”

#

Sara looked at the worried face of her husband.

“Mas ... Mama says .. I'm pregnant ..”

The look on Agam's face changed immediately. From worry now turned into like a person who felt wrong.

“Sara ..”

Agam's two hands immediately gathered Sara's hands in front of him. While his left hand was still holding Sara's hand, his right hand moved upwards touching the wife's pale face. Gently, Agam's thumb rubbed gently the tears that had just slid freely on Sara's face.

“... doctor says ..” It seems hard to say.

While waiting for Agam to say it, at a glance a memory appears of the dream that Sara had just experienced.

Sara felt a great loss. It felt the same even though he also did not know what made him feel lost.

In the end, even if it was just a word, Agam could deliver the news that Sara should have heard. Tears that had fallen, now flowed more and more and more spilled. Agam even raised both his hands to hold everything.

Sara's cry grew even more roaring as her guilt emerged. He felt like he failed to take care of her. If only I had known from the beginning, I would have taken good care of him.

“Sorry, Mom. Sorry .. I can't take care of him. Sorry, Mas ... I should have taken care of her ..”

It feels too crowded. It even feels hard to breathe. His sense of loss was like he was pressing on his chest.

I had to get on the bed and hug Sara. It also could not stop her crying. Sara was roaring faster.

I don't know how long Sara cried for. Sara was clearly asleep. Then he woke up looking at the face of the husband who was lying with him.

Against the background of the night sky and the full moon seen from the window of her nursery, Sara looked at the sad face of Agam who was asleep.

Without realizing it, her tears came back down. Soon he removed it.

“You woke up?,” asked Agam lirih. His hoarse voice signified how tired he was.

Her hand now touched Sara's face, and rubbed it with her thumb as if she knew Sara had just cried.

“You want something?”

Her tears came back down. The guilt came back. But don't forget he shook his head.

“Stop crying,” says Agam again. “Don't blame yourself. If you can't stop blaming yourself, blame me. It probably won't be able to treat your pain, but it's better than you keep blaming yourself.”

Sara embraced Agam's entire body in her arms, and hid her face in her husband's chest. She's still crying.

“I'm just like you. We have the same sadness. But, I know your sadness must be bigger than mine. Every time you blame yourself. I can't stop worrying that you're going to get worse because of that guilt. I'm afraid you're getting ruined.”

Agam then kissed the top of Sara's head, and leaned her head there.

“So, let me lighten your load. All's fault. Let me bear that guilt.”

Sara hugged Agam. His tears are flowing more and more. He shook his head quickly. While Agam's hand rubbed Sara's hair and kissed her again.

It's nobody's fault. It's just a bad mate tying our bond with this kid. Or maybe it's not time to meet him.

“You're more important, Sara.”

That night, Sara was still crying in Agam's arms. But, after that, he fell asleep. It's too late for him to remember what he dreamed last night.

Mom came to the day. Agam told Sara when he woke up that he had to tell Mom. Therefore, as soon as Agam told her, I insisted on seeing Sara in the hospital.

As soon as Mom came, Sara hugged her tightly. Every time Mom gave a soothing word to Sara, her tears dropped drop by a drop. But at least, it was enough to give her strength.

The arrival of the mother meant a lot to Sara.

......................

“You sure it's okay?,” asked Agam while looking at Sara full of worries.

Sara almost laughed at it. But he already feels fine. But Agam still could not believe it and continued to worry.

“Iya, Mas. There go. Rest, tea, food, anything. They also need a walk. Don't just accompany me here,” replied Sara.

Agam still can't believe it.

Sara could no longer hide her laughter. “There's Mbok Jami here. So I'm not alone. Mas also must be someone who wants to be chatted with Mas Yuda and Arya.”

In the end, Agam left. Despite having to be forced away by Yuda and Arya – at Sara's request.

Feeling bored just staying in the room, Sara asked to be taken to an open space on the floor where Sara's nursery. He heard from the nurse who often went to his room if there was an open space where everyone could sit back and relax and enjoy the open air there. And now, Sara is interested in it.

Mas Agam take a walk, I also dong ...

With the help of Mbok Jami who pushed his wheelchair, Sara was taken to the place. Sara felt fine without a wheelchair. But the nurse wouldn't let him.

Huf ...

It was as good as the nurse said. Like a park on a high-rise building. The place is cold too. As soon as she touched the air in the park, Sara already felt at home.

“Yes Allah, Adem, Non. Tak jupuk sik sweater sik yo. Ngenteni nang kene. (Oh Allah, Cold, Non. I got the sweater first. Just wait here.),” said Mbok Jami.

“Iya, Mbok ...,” Sara replied.

Sara moved her wheelchair forward a bit. Enjoy even freer cool and shady winds because of the white clouds that hang in the blue sky. Sara enjoyed it.

And instantly, the cold atmosphere changed.

“Hai, Sar ..”

Sara turned to the direction of the voice. It was obvious that Vian stood looking at her with a smile that Sara now hated.