Love That Starts With Hate
Denial

I think my fate was saved when I saw the phone plane in the living room. But, Harrish has strictly forbidden me to touch anything that she thinks could be damaged by my hand. I was a country girl, never had a cell phone, but at least I knew how to use a phone. It's just, I'm also too scared to call without permission. Actually, I could've used it while Harrish wasn't around, but that's tantamount to stealing. I'm not a thief. I was grateful that he would still pick me up, even though I had to accept inhumane attitudes from him. I shouldn't have stolen the opportunity just to talk to my family –it's too sad for me to do. I think ... it's a human right every human being can't possibly be violated by Harrish even if he's heartless.

But I have to call my mother. I need to know about my family's news because I haven't been in touch in nearly a month. So, hesitantly, I approached Harrish who had been busy fiddling with the TV broadcasts since earlier. Paying attention to his mood, he seemed uncomfortable with my presence –maybe because he was used to living alone.

“Ng ... Mas Harrish ...,” I rebuked carefully and he immediately turned his head.

His voice looks ordinary.

“Sa ... I .. can use his phone to call my mother in the village?” I said, a little trembling.

“You don't have a pulse?” ask her.

I smiled a little. “I don't have HP,” I replied naively.

Harrish laughs –laughs at me. “Ya already,” reply while back facing TV.

I nodded and immediately became excited. “Makasih ...,” I replied and headed to the phone desk immediately.

Thank goodness! I can't wait to hear Mom and Dad's voice!

I quickly dialed the phone number Bu Ati –neighbor next door who had a phone. Not long after the phone was picked up, Sardi, his son who told me to wait for a while before he immediately went out, called Mother, Father and Sekar, my sister. But, the one who took the phone was Mom.

“Halo, Son ...,” greet Mom and my tears shed instantly. “How are you doing anyway? Must have run out of money huh?”

“Mother don't say that, make me sad ..” I said, wiping my tears. I'd love to tell you what happened to me but I'm at Harrish's house. If he heard it, he would get angry and throw me out.

“Sorry yes, Son .... I haven't been able to send you money ..” explained Mom and I've guessed she feels guilty about me. “Your father has relapsed again. Yesterday I was admitted for a week in the hospital .. Forced your tuition should I pay to the hospital ...”

“Nothing, Mom. I work part-time really ...,” I said, saving all the outpouring of my heart while wiping my tears that kept flowing. I don't know why my heart was so sad to hear it. “I miss Mom, miss Dad, miss Sekar, miss home ... it feels like going home ..”

“Just last semester you came home, Bin ..” Mother reminded me that my first six months in Jakarta, I was hit by a severe ‘indu rum’. “Must be regular anyway, Nak ...”

I nodded while gulping, holding my breath –because if I took a breath I would be caught crying. “What pain is Mr severe?”

“Yes, your Father is old, Son ..” said Mother, softly. I miss home more and more.

“Bu, I went home ...,” I said, finally sobbing. “Parent's health is more important than my lecture ...”

“Do not say that, Cah Ayu ..” Reply Mom. “It has been your father's greatest wish to see his daughter wearing graduation clothes ...”

“But, Mom ... You have to suffer because of me ..”

“Your father is happy even though his body is sick, son ..”. “Mother also does not agree that you stopped college ...”

I'm getting sobbing. I want to say that I can't handle all the misfortune I've had, but I don't want to destroy the hopes of those who wish I'd gone home with a scholar's wish. I just feel like all this is going to go to waste. It's a waste if I .. lose my father ....

“You must be strong, Bin ...,” Mother back said. “Sabar yes until your father's retirement next month accept. I will definitely send you yes, Son .. you study diligently, do not repeat the semester again ...”

“Iya, Ms..,”

“Mother can not be long ... Just go buy some medicine. You are alone at home. Yesterday Father fell because his feet could not move ..”

“Iya, Mom .... Greetings to my Father, Sekar. If I have sustenance from part-time work, I will have a semester off I go home ..”

“Yes, Cah Ayu Ibu .... Don't get sick from work fatigue, son. Father, Mother, Sekar, dear you, Sabin ...”

I hung up the phone and let go of all my sobbing. I don't care where I am, because every year I miss my family the pain is the same. Even when I found out that Harrish was standing behind me –and it seemed like it had been there for a long time, I was still unable to stop my tears. I think Harrish heard everything –of course sobs and cries as hard as that distract him. I bowed, trying to control my grief and wipe away my tears.

“Indeed how much is your tuition?” harrish asked me suddenly as I wanted to leave.

I didn't answer right away. Why did Harrish ask?

Even knowing I couldn't pay off anytime soon, letting Harrish pity me again, it wasn't on my list. I don't want to be indebted to others –let alone to someone like Harrish.

I'm shaking. “I'm just waiting for a shipment for a new rental. ‘Can't be I stay here continue ..” I explained.

“Oh,” is just that reaction from Harrish who just nodded her head then returned to the front of the TV. Then we don't talk anymore.

What was I expecting? Money help from Harrish for all my financial problems? Hearing him stop insulting me was more than enough ....