Love That Starts With Hate
His Goodness

I faintly heard the phone ringing. I was shocked and immediately ran from room to phone table. I'm pretty sure it's Harrish! Harrish will call right away after someone says I'm looking for her.

“Hallo?” I answered that call.

“Why did you call the office and interrupt the operator, Sabin?” ask Harrish over there. Sounds pissed.

But I don't care if he gets angry again. I am grateful that he already knows.

I took a breath before I spoke. “She said Mas Harrish was in a meeting ..” obviously I whined. I don't know why I'm relieved to hear his voice.

“Oh?” sahut Harrish's. “That's because you don't appreciate people giving. Inside the phone that I put on the table already has my mobile number ...”

I laughed while grimacing. I'm really stupid. I forgot about that phone. I really missed it. I don't even remember where I put that thing. Yes, on the kitchen table!

“I ... absolutely do not remember Mas Harrish love me mobile phone ...,”

“So now say, why do you call so many times to the office? You know, I've never had a problem with women and don't want anyone to misunderstand your prank phone ...”

“Father in the hospital. I have to go home but I ..”

“Enough. Don't continue. I know what you're gonna say. Now, wait right there. I'm home right now ...,” Harrish's words really relieved me.

Harrish finally came. She who initially looked awkward found me curled up on the living room sofa while crying, approaching me with an anxious face. I ignored his reaction because I was too worried and he was surprised to see my suitcase already leaning on the foot of the sofa. I'm ready to go.

“Mas Harrish, I have to go home ..” I said trembling, then wailed down in front of him. Regardless of what happened between us, right now I just want to go home.  “My father is very sick ...”

Harrish was still silent but looked at me. Seemed guilty in his eyes for the fate I experienced.

“I can't stay here anymore ...,” I said, can't stare into his face anymore.

I don't know how she looked when I saw her crying. No matter how bad he was at me, he never saw me cry this badly. He doesn't talk. He just came up and hugged me while patting me on the shoulder. I think she sympathized with me when she offered her help to drive me home to Surabaya that afternoon.

***

I could not wait to see my father lying weakly in the hospital and so was expecting my return. For a long time I have suffered from complications of stroke and acute kidney disease. Actually he had to be operated on but we could not afford the cost, so all this time he only took herbal medicine. He was rushed to the hospital because he couldn't breathe.

“How much does the operation cost?” harrish asked me on the plane to Surabaya.

I'm just dumbstruck. “Entah ..but obviously we can't,” I replied. “I am still in college and have a sister who is still in school. Mom's just a regular housewife. If we owe, we also cannot pay.”

“What is now operable?” ask Harrish again. “If you still can, maybe I can help ...”

I laughed cynically. “I want to pay for what?” I said while shaking. “Daddy same mother send me to campus so that I succeed, at least can work office, not be a maid, Mas ..”

I don't know how bitter my words are. Unlike usual, he was silent. Seemed to reflect on my answer which seemed to insinuate him. But I didn't mean that. But, she seemed to feel insinuated, when I finally heard her say something that made me quite astonished.

“Sorry ...,” she looks sorry enough to instill a maid stigma in my brain to keep me self-conscious. “I don't mean to make you feel that way ..”

I looked at him blankly, then shook my head with a smile. “Nothing ...,” I replied, then cried sadly. He was not serious, never retracted what he said, then assumed nothing had happened, but it was so poignant and ingrained in my mind that I was just a stupid girl and she.

I've been trying to toughen up for being the firstborn in the family. For the sake of mother, for the sake of Sekar, so that they do not drag on in fear of losing father.

As Surabaya welcomed my return with grief, Harrish was with me. I didn't get to ask why or why because my mind was in the hospital before my body. Harrish made it easy for me to get there because when I landed there was someone to pick me up at the airport. It was not impossible anymore because along the way to Soekarno Hatta, Harrish had been heard calling someone to prepare a car.

Like being spoiled all of a sudden, I always leaned on him and he lent me his shoulder. Automatically last night's shadow disappeared from my mind for a while even though the guilt of not being a ‘good girl’ for my family made my tears go wrong. I think Harrish is aware of my fear because she also feels guilty.

Suddenly Harrish's phone rang in her pants pocket. I watched as he reached into the thing and saw who called –Evania. I haven't heard from him in a long time. What was surprising to me at that time was that Harrish didn't pick him up. Aren't they close friends? Or are they still at odds over issues I don't understand?

Harrish also ignored the second and third calls. Looks like Evania really wants to talk to Evania.

“Why not lift?” my many.

Harrish did not answer. He turned off his phone so it stopped ringing.

I don't know what's going on with them, but when I get to the hospital I forget everything other than my family.