Love That Starts With Hate
When Everything Should Happen

Six months later...

“Hey, look tuh!”

From a distance I could hear a group of girls whispering to each other as a beautiful woman entered the cafeteria and she swayed gracefully. I'm sure every kind of stuff Jessica –women wears, must make them envious. Indeed, Jessica was a female figure who never wore cheap things on her body. Starting from shoes, clothes, bags, mobile phones and of course hairstyles that are always changing. His glamorous life like Paris Hilton does make many people jealous or maybe wonder where he got it from.

Jessica Dimilia is just a Sales Manager and everyone knows what her salary is – which also everyone knows is not enough to buy a Hermes crocodile leather bag that costs hundreds of millions. And imagine Jessica has more than three –s specifically for the Hermes brand and not to mention for other brands. He wears a different type of bag every day to the office five days a week. A life that all the girls want –except me.

I have to admit, I know the price of every item Jessica wears and where to buy it. I ordered it and I paid for it.

“Good day, Honey....,” Jessica came up to me with her lips deliberately spoiled and I just snorted.

I want to have a peaceful lunch without gazes from all directions. But the woman doesn't care. “Ngapain lo here?” my cetus. “Lo ‘kan no eating level in cafeteria.” I thought it was enough to make her not sit at the same table as me –when in fact I was sitting alone enjoying chicken soup and my nas.

“Siang-day you've been very serem same me, Bin...,” his face turned sullen like a spoiled girl who wants to ask to buy an expensive bag on her lover. And Jessica was like that every time she asked Sendra.

While wagging her long blonde hair, she took a punt to say something that seemed important –Jessica even got out of her cozy, flower-filled room and came into this hot room with this low ceiling. Starting with a reassuring look like it was good news, she looked up at me in a seductive fashion and she made me impatient.

I have to go back to the room because my boss has an important meeting at two o'clock. I have to be there before he does. But, Jessica still seemed long-winded and deliberately made me curious.

“What the hell? My smile is not the same as me! Tau tau tau?!” chirp me while eating my last mouthful of soup.

“Lo do not know anyway, I want to give you a vacation ticket to Bali ..” said he casually while grinning as I almost vomited my soup from the mouth so shocked.

“Serious lo?!” my spray.

“Yes yes dong, Sabina. I, so ...,” said he prided himself while wagging his hair. “Part of us have been planning this for a long time and unfortunately you never have time lately because of busy work. Plus because of your already acute turmoil, Honey ...”

“Sialan lo ...,” my grudge suddenly became upset.

Jessica took a breath. “Lo need pause, that’s it ..,”

“Lo ‘kan know my boss ..” I still grumbled with a slumber and stood followed by Jessica. “He always keeps me busy! Ngurusin mails, also ngurusin lo.”

We walked out of the cafeteria and ignored that gaze. I'm used to it all because of Jessica and I ‘bergeman’.

“Bos lo it's a small affair for me ..” said he again boasted. Back in her graceful style she showed me that seduction gaze while waiting in front of the elevator.

“Softer lo!” reply to me and enter as soon as the elevator door opens. We were forced to stop chatting because there were other employees in the elevator but I couldn't help but laugh as we took the backmost position in the elevator and Jessica started to style the centil complete with mimic and seductive expression.

A woman looked back and Jessica stared, as soon as no one saw my crazy friend patting the wall acting as if she was with the man she wanted to seduce. He showed it to me because he was crazy.

We got off last because our office was on the top floor. And as I thought, my boss was already in his room because we had an important meeting in less than ten minutes.

I thought he would ask ‘What takes you so long?’

But, she smiled because she found Jessica before me. I didn't even get a chance to ask if she wanted to go straight to the meeting room because Jessica approached her quickly.

“Baby ...,” that's what Jessica said to my boss. When I call Jessica ‘honey’ with a spoiled hug, then with my boss –Sendra, who incidentally is her ‘lover’, she accompanies him with ‘kiss-as-is-world-this-own-two’.

But, I'm used to it. I'm so used to them.

“Five more minutes,” I reminded Sendra that she did not serve Jessica first.

Since it's a meeting with an important person, I don't want to go forward alone in a meeting just because Sendra can't resist Jessica's always passionate temptation towards her.

Jessica looks riled up at me when Sendra takes off her arms.

Without talking Sendra, tidied up her suit and moved out of the room. I sneered at Jessica before following my boss.

We are indeed a strange combination –between a secretary who has a playboy boss and is friendly with ‘infidelity’ his own boss. We both have a long history to tell. But my story is the most complicated of all. I know a lot of things that might drag me into trouble someday.

I just smiled wryly before entering the room and Sendra's business partner was already waiting inside. They're going to make a deal that might change the future of this hotel, my future. Sendra and I have talked about it before, but Sendra is still waiting for the right moment to take action.

I never knew the great desire to destroy someone was becoming - so when we had the chance to. Sendra had been in that desire for a long time and the thorny problems in her life brought her into a very, very great hatred.

Sendra glanced at me for a moment before she sat down and greeted everyone. Sendra and I have a ‘connection’ that even Jessica never knew it. Jessica never knew how much Sendra wanted to destroy someone who used to be very important to me. Don't ask why I let it go, I just. I work for Sendra and I get paid to finish my job. Although I know, my boss is more than just******** loved desperately by a friend of mine who doesn't want to get married because of him.

I don't have anything or someone to fight for, because I basically have nothing if it's outside of work and material. But sometimes I just want to stop thinking about it. Bad past, painful love and memories that have not escaped my memory. I miss my poor self. A girl who tried desperately to pursue the ideals of traveling the world and living in Bali, then married the person I love. It all collapsed and disappeared like dust. All that remains of me is nothing. Out of nowhere I started, none of this would have happened if I had not given her my heart.

I never even fell in love again. I don't let anyone come near me. I can't even trust anyone –including Jessica. I don't trust Sendra either. As a woman, I even lost the desire to tell Sendra's wife that her husband was having an affair. All the stuff Jessica has is Sendra's and I'm buying it. I know another woman besides Jessica who surrounds Sendra. I let it go because it's none of my business.

He married again and was happy. I even came to her wedding and congratulated her. I was naive, and that naivety made me unable to escape. Even to this moment.

What is the worst thing about not believing in anything?

Losing everything.

***

We were on our way to the most pleasant place, but somehow Jessica who likes to travel and vacation became so lethargic when we flew from Jakarta to Denpasar. Though from the beginning he knew that he would not be able to invite Sendra –the 37-year-old man was married. I think he can already accept the fact that what Sendra has is not his own but the family of his conglomerate wife. But this time he was heartbroken.

“Gue ****** yes, Bin...,” he again invited me to talk after we finished talking about the plan of Sendra who wants to sell the hotel he manages. “And I know very well that Sendra sold the hotel because he wanted to move to France and stay with the woman.”

Jessica is my friend. But, I don't like any of it calling Shanty with the term ‘women it’. However, Shanty's wife Sendra and all of Sendra's belong to Shanty Adisuna. Jessica enjoys it all by putting aside the fact that whatever happens Sendra will still go back to his sickly wife. Jessica always wished for Shanty to die in her sleep so that Sendra would be hers. But, I know Sendra. He only loves his wife and other women in his life are just toys –including Jessica who several times had to abort her pregnancy because Sendra did not want it.

Sendra was a man who was very careful in acting. He learned that well from the intolerant Adisuna family. Sendra is trying to survive in a family where he looks like a dirty rat and is thought to be making a hole that will one day tear down the house. Sendra managed to overcome the pressure from them until this second and unlike me who was knocked out ill-fated from that family.

Jessica Dimilia doesn't know that. He just wants to have Sendra no matter what. But, Sendra asked me to stop her before Jessica dared to meet Shanty and expose their affair. Sendra paid me dearly to deal with Jessica every time she sulked. However, when they fight because Sendra does not also give him certainty, Jessica always retreat because often threatened to be abandoned. All the stuff that Sendra bought was just so he wouldn't deal too much with Jessica. But, lately Jessica seemed to no longer want the stuff. His greatest wish is to have Sendra.

That's what I'm worried about. If only Jessica were finally reckless, ‘bom time’ would explode. I knew I'd be dragged back into that vortex.

 ***

I looked at myself in front of the mirror while looking at my hair that I thought was long again.

“I think I should get another haircut,” I said to him while Jessica was busy sleeping while fiddling with her smartphone. He's probably waiting for a message from Sendra.

Jessica got out of bed. “Why not get dibotakin anyways?” knock her. “Lo's hair is just the tip of a nail, what length?”

I looked at my hair again. I never had hair that was as long as my neck. I have not liked long hair for years. I'm very comfortable with super short hair because it's neater and manageable. But, according to Jessica I was too paranoid with long hair.

“Lo's appearance is okay. But, once in a while try lengthening the cake hair. Hair-extension cake...” he started fussing again as usual.

“Gue once had long hair,” I said remembering that I used to be nothing like this –not glasses and serious face. I'm a passionate and sweet girl –not as pessimistic and bitter as this. That's why sometimes I miss the past – a little bit before meeting Harrish.

Jessica seemed to think and stood up and approached me. “Gue knows, you must be traumatized by long hair right?” guess he's half-screaming behind my ear. “Definitely because the ex who once said you were beautiful with long hair, continued after the breakup you feel hurt. Yes ‘kan? Yes ‘kan?”

“Only lo!” chirp me away from the glass and throw my ass over the bed.

Jessica laughed out loud. I tried to deny that his guess was correct. Very-very right. Not just hair, there's a lot of things I haven't done since that breakup.

I used to love writing diaries. I write little things in notebooks that are either fun or sad. But, ever since pain dominated my story I stopped writing. I want to forget the painful things I experienced. Writing it down is the same as reminding me later on. I started to think that writing a diary was only for a whiny girl and I wouldn't shed a tear on the paper every time I wrote my story.

I also reduce my lazy nature and try to stay busy so as not to forget the past. Because I worked in a place that demanded appearance, I stopped snacking and lost weight. I who do not like to dress up eventually become an office woman who can not be separated from make up. A lot has changed from me. Maybe if Harrish met me, she wouldn't recognize me anymore.

Ah, but, why would I think about it?

“We go to the club, yuk? I'm bosen!” take Jessica out of the blue.

I immediately agreed and immediately prepared to go to the club at the hotel where we were staying.

As long as there was nothing I could do here, I never refused music, cigarettes and liquor. Yes, that was the striking difference from Sabina who used to be with Sabina who is now. If Harrish saw the present me, she would definitely not feel regret for not choosing me. Yes, he never loved me. No matter what I do, he stays that way. Not easily swayed. He was like a solid steel wrapped in flamboyant charisma and arrogance that left him untouched.

Now that she's been living happily and having a child –at least that's the last news I've heard from people about her.

***

Bali has its own memories even long before I was finally able to set foot many times here. They say Bali is a paradise world with beautiful and exotic beaches. No wonder, while still a student at the Faculty of Hospitality, I was so dreaming to be able to work here. I remember Harrish once asking, what would I want most if I had enough money other than to pay for my college. By innocent, I replied ‘Bali’. And he promised to take me away. But that promise was never kept.

Finally I managed to set foot in Bali alone, three years ago. Even so Bali is still the island that I always miss because of that I always come back. Just to watch the sunset and walk on the beach alone, enjoy the twilight breeze. I once told Sendra that I wanted to stay here after my contract expired.

My phone rang when I just lit a cigarette I just grabbed from the bag. I saw my boss's name appear on the screen. I also noticed my left right –making sure Jessica had jumped into the pool and wouldn't hear me.

“How?” Ask him as soon as I pick up the phone.

“I don't know if this is enough to hold her back,” I replied as I moved out of my chair and away from the pool where Jessica was soaking.

“Just stay there,” said Sendra. “Not you want to settle in Bali?”

“Means?”

“I and that investor have agreed on buying and selling but there is still a little problem,” explained Sendra. I heard other voices accompanying his voice. It looks like he's outside.

I'm taking a breath. “Harrish?” my many.

“It is precisely because of that. Don't go back to Jakarta,”

“Then Jessica?” my reply.

“Clean him,”

“It's not as easy as you think ..”

“That's a command, Sabina!” sendra firmly and makes me stunned. “There is no point in being emotionally involved with others. I saved you because we once had an agreement.”

“What agreement? If you're talking about things outside of my contract, it doesn't make sense, Ron. That's your grudge, not mine ..”

“We are not talking about any issues outside of the employment contract, Sabina. I paid you very much to take care of such women. Shanty and I are moving to Paris. You think I'll still take care of that ******?”

“That's not fair,”

“But, that's very fair to you. If you come back, you'll see him again. What can a Harrish do to you after she knows what you've been doing all this time?”

“What am I doing? I worked and never asked for a penny from him. I didn't steal anything from him. Can't you tell if I'm working on a command or deliberately appearing to bother him? It has nothing to do with Harrish!”

“Harrish won't want to know that. You understand, Sabina? Stay there until I finish the deal and the goddamn Emperor will be sold to pay off the company's debt. You need to distance yourself and keep an eye on the woman. If you can't handle it I'll send people to finish him off.”

“Are you crazy?”

Why is everything like this?

 “Lo same phone as Sendra?” jessica was standing behind me. I was surprised. This time I'm not sure I can hide it. “He said what?” Jessica began to look hopeful. “Gue try to phone him but not active. SMS is also not answered. What ... does she ask me?”

I nodded with a heavy heart. “Jessica, I ..”

“What exactly? What are you guys talking about? Who are you guys talking about? What ever happened?” Jessica is getting more and more confused. “What are you talking about? What is your relationship with Harrish?”

I was down for a while. I may have never discussed it with anyone. Even with Sendra. Without telling it, Sendra understood it without asking. Because we once had the same position in Adisuna family –outsiders. I was knocked out easily without a fight. While Sendra he was trying to take what he could.

I could have stayed in Bali but it would have made me a fugitive. Harrish will definitely look for me thinking I conspired with Sendra and will never forgive me. But, there is always a price paid for cars, apartments, and seeing Sekar finally sitting in college. I had no choice but to face Harrish as my new boss.