Love That Starts With Hate
Very Disturbing
This year's show will be boring for me. I've been preparing a show if Bastian is seen among one of the tour exhibitors. I will pretend not to see it and even if we have to cross paths, poker-face is the most powerful weapon so as not to ‘fall’ in front of him.
From one hotel to another, from all sorts of exhibitions and tourist markets, I didn't feel anything different. It was just an unfamiliar crowd and I seemed to have strayed far away. Maybe I just feel so far away from him because I miss him so much…
Though I was standing right behind Harrish who was talking to the general manager of the hotel exhibition organizer. There were also two other men near them. I glanced at my watch –hours two in the afternoon. Lunch is available specifically for VIP guests like them, but the chat about the expansion of the business is more filling than Lasagna.
My legs that stood from earlier supported with heels began to ache. I want to leave this horde just to go to the toilet. But, I can't steal a pause just to say excuse me to my boss. If I suddenly disappear, he will yell at me. It's just that the call of nature can't be ignored and I have to go to the toilet! There, I can take off my high heels for a while while sitting on the lid of the closet, accompanied by a cigarette. At least I thought about the unclear relationship I had with a 25-year-old man named Bastian Dewangga who works as a tour operator in Bali.
We met for the first time here. Have a lot of good memories here. But, it seems like I'm the only one who thinks it's amazing. Because if Bastian thinks so too, he won't be silencing me all this time, will he? I have to admit, the schedule of a tour operator is very solid because he takes care of many things that are more complicated than ordinary office work. I can understand it because I am also a busy secretary and do not even have time just to reply to a short message. I have to admit, sometimes I don't pay attention to him or underestimate all his misses. But, all of that became precious, when he no longer said miss me. He didn't even give me reassurance after months. I think it's a punishment but.it's also a need.
I wanted to whine like that time. Wish he thought of me if necessary even dreamed of me. I became like a heartbroken High School boy when I found out that I was just being played with. A month, two months, it was hard to accept the fact that I and Bastian had ended –even without a verdict. Circumstances have concluded a failed relationship, so all I have to do is busy myself as before I saw his beautiful face and fell in love.
Now, I'm back here, still hoping for the same chance to meet, to start all over again.
My phone's ringing!
I hurriedly reached into my bag, hoping for my prayers to be answered, but, the name that appeared on the screen was Harrish Adrian Adisuna. The name that makes me much more disappointed than SMS sweepstakes is not clearly disguised as a scam or from a loyal operator with its promos.
“Where are you?” blow him, sure sounds really angry.
“I..in toilet, Sir. I'm heading there now" I said before hearing him shout again.
***
I half ran to the last place I accompanied him chatting – in front of the ballroom door of the exhibition venue. But, I didn't see it, nor did the other tiered men who had talked to Harrish. I just found the usual crowds mixed between strangers and local passersby with the identifier–red for the lady, black for the press, etc, yellow for participants and green for committee members aka guests of honor as used by Harrish. But, I do not have one of them so I can only look around from the outside –standing right in front of the signpost that says ‘no badge, no entry’.
I took my phone, to type a message. ‘I'm already ahead, Pak’. But, there's no reply. So the only thing I can do just so I don't get scolded is to wait patiently. I'm pretty sure Harrish went with the men inside to see the other participant booth while talking about the business with a turnover of billions.
I looked around bored. Until finally my boss came out of the ballroom. And he's still not alone. But I'm not happy with what I saw!. Harrish was no longer with those boring men. He was chatting on the street with a man younger than him and left me flabbergasted for a while until Harrish saw me.
Bastian?, I saw him looking right at me as Harrish approached. Why could?
“Hm, Sabina," Harrish rebuked me as I was instead fixated on looking at Bastian who was stepping decisively towards me, with a calm smile on his lips that seemed to want to greet.
I didn't notice my boss wanting to talk about something important as Bastian approached. He seemed ordinary to see me when compared to me who was in shock –knowing that we would meet again in this way.
They familiar?
“Sabina ?” reprimand Harrish again and I immediately turned to her.
“Ya ?” I'm still confused because Bastian is standing behind Harrish.
“Hai...," greet him to me and I'm just gawking.
Harrish looked behind her. At first glance, I knew he looked astonished. He didn't say anything until Bastian bravely walked up to me.
I kept quiet and tried to calm down. I want to meet, but not like this!
“So..where is the lunch ?” harrish asked suddenly while looking at her watch. "Lo said there's a nice place near here”
What the…? They're that familiar?
“Quiet, Bro..," said Bastian casually. "We go there now deh of the slack makes you become like grandfather-grandfather”
***
I really don't understand what's going on in front of me right now.
Harrish and Bastian, chatting like good friends?
And I, sitting in front of them, could only catch what I was hearing to deduce a reasonable reason for why they could get to know each other.
“Nih, I'm the most delicious pesenin for you, Bro," said Bastian in a relaxed and outspoken style while paying attention to the menu.
“As far as you go, Bas," replied Harrish.
Harrish seemed to be waiting, and once she saw me –still with that suspicious look, I became uncomfortable sitting here with them. But, Bastian invited me along on the grounds that we knew each other too and he seemed happy we could be at the same table just for lunch. Not imagining food alone, with this condition alone has made my stomach full!
Why did it even become like this?
But, come to think of it, this world is indeed narrow. Especially our world of work is related to each other. Hotel and tour operator –just meet at the tourist exhibition. But why such a coincidence?
I should have just said goodbye to going back to the room sooner. By so chance this doesn't become so sad for me. But, imagining Harrish could have pouted angrily at me for resisting, was even more undesirable. But, even so, they did not involve me in that seemingly serious chat. Business and business. Makes me a little sick, because I just kept quiet there, listening when my heart felt so sad.
I met her, but she didn't feel what I felt…
Is it true what I thought all along that he didn't want me anymore?
Yeah-Tu-han, I feel that I'm looking at a unit of two men who don't want me…
It's really a curse!
Bastian never knew what was between me and Harrish. On the contrary, Harrish also did not know what had ever existed between me and Bastian .
“ Bastian !” someone approached our small group.
I shifted my attention from the mobile phone screen to the owner of that carefree and spoiled voice. A long-haired and blonde girl was already standing behind Bastian . A pretty girl –a bit kesele-bulean, and of course looks attractive. His body is slim and tall. The grooves of her waist were covered only with a red tank top and her legs were clad only in hotpants which made me want to stroke her chest.
It's so beautiful this girl…
As soon as I became angry because I raised my head, I was presented with a sight of chips that made my chest burn.
They are so friendly!
“Oh yes, know, this is Clara," Bastian stood up from his chair, introducing his beautiful female friend to Harrish, as well as me.
I stood up while smiling. Instantly make that defense around me –poker-face.
I became discouraged. These three people standing in front of me, his world was completely turned upside down with mine. And I shouldn't be here, laughing stupidly, and keep pretending that I'm okay…
***
Bastian never said anything to me. He never said goodbye. He did not say frankly that he no longer wanted me. If this is my reward for ever being too busy and not paying attention to it, it's NOT worth it! I never betrayed him!
Oh, my God..What's my fault…?
I paced anxiously on the balcony of the room. The beautiful beach was no longer attractive to me. Now, how much I hate Legian and anything about him…
I shed tears again, after a long time it felt like I wasn't crying because I thought about it.
And all of a sudden, I found Harrish.
I saw it across there –balcony of another room facing my room. He was standing alone and clearly looking here –like watching.
Damn it!, I grumbled and immediately pulled the curtains shut every window. I don't want to look this fucked up! Geez, why is this ordeal not over yet? What else do I have to do so I can be happy? Do I not deserve to be happy?
I'm starting to get desperate. As my body slumped down and I just sat at the window, curled up on the floor sobbing.
Bastian .. I think you will end my suffering…
And..why should I?
TONG TING! TING TONG!, the doorbell rang.
I grimaced, because it was almost late at night. Besides, where is there room service that roams around at this hour?, my grumbling while getting up and realizing that I almost fell asleep on the floor so sad.
“ Bastian ?” I looked up and saw Bastian standing at the door of my room.
“I want to talk for a minute," he said, looking moody and.
“What else is ?” chirp me, don't open the door any wider for him.
He pushed my door, wanted to come in, but I held him back.
“Nothing else to talk about," I said, wanting to close the door but she held it.
“Bin, listen first, you misunderstood." he said, and his hand pushed my door.
But I forced it to close. So Bastian pushed harder, so I was surprised after he was inside and…
“You just misunderstood...," he hissed, when my body was immediately in his arms. "Clara's not my girlfriend, she's just saying..”.
I'm speechless. But, can't deny that I miss this hug. It's just that I was disappointed, so I had to get away from it. “But, you don't dispute that..," I said.
“I feel bad, Bin. There is also your boss, right?” inexplicably. "I swear, I'm with Clara there's nothing to do..”
“I don't care either..," I said, starting to get upset. "You have a relationship or not, you have no relationship anymore. Why should I know if she's your girlfriend or not.”.
“Bin, i..”.
“What reason did you never contact me again ?” I asked, taking a few steps away, trying not to be affected every time I looked at his face and I always changed my mind because of it. This time it can't. I have to be firm, defend my reasons for deserving anger. He's been ignoring me for almost six months!
Bastian did not answer. He should have prepared all the answers before he came to me to explain the misunderstanding, so I wouldn't have to wait long for the answer to my feelings for him. From my little heart, I still love him so much, but I can't trust anyone who for no reason can just abandon me. Then pick me up when he wants it.
“Busy? Going abroad? Or do you have another Clara next to you?”
“Bin...," he seemed to want to argue everything. But I screamed first.
“Out !” hardikku while pointing to the closed door.
Bastian was still standing in his place. Staring at me confused!
“Exit, Bastian! I don't want to see you again, understand? !” hardikku harder by getting rid of my worst feeling while just to throw it away.
I don't need this kind of love but…
Bastian suddenly approached. One step closer, he grabbed my body to drag me to the bed!
“Bastian? !” I screamed, as he overstretched my body and I thrashed as I felt the heat on my neck.
He began to force his face closer, touching my lips with his.
I'm balping. Closing my eyes tight and dodging every time she wanted to kiss me!
“Do not !” I screamed, half screaming. "Don't, Bastian!”
He didn't say anything. Just keep pushing and I'm getting scared. It felt like I was going to die by a body weight that was not comparable to my small body.
TONG TING! TING TONG!, the doorbell rang, startling Bastian and I directly pushed him away from me with the rest of my energy.
Bastian fell to the floor.
TONG TING! TING TONG!, the doorbell still rang as I ran there.
Immediately I pulled the handle and the door opened.
“Mas Harrish? !” I was so happy to see him standing at my door and I don't know what brought him here.
Harrish's face looked tense as she looked at me. Immediately, he looked inside and directly faced off against Bastian who wanted to chase after me. I ran out through the door and hid behind Harrish as Bastian was aghast at finding Harrish.
It all happened so quickly, when Harrish lunged in and he knocked Bastian down with a single blow to the face.
Everything is getting more horrible now! They fight!