Love That Starts With Hate
There's No Return

Shit, I promised my sister this morning to go to my late father's parents. As planned from yesterday we will leave there at six in the morning by bus. But, now that I can't believe it, I just opened my eyes at eight!

Once out of the room, Sekar already greeted me with a sour face. Our plan failed completely.

“I have woken up from earlier but did not wake up...," Sekar sounded grumbling from the middle room.

I'm yawning. My head hurt and my whole body was like it had just rolled down the stairs. All my joints are sore. I don't know why waking up this morning feels bad. I squirmed, intending to go back to the room and sleep again, but, I forgot something.

The harrish!

I saw him in the front room with mom and it seemed to be chatting.

I thought his arrival was just a dream. But, he really is in my house.

“Yeah, Bin, you..," mother bobbing heads, found me approaching them.

I realized, my appearance must be so messy that Harrish seemed to hold back a laugh.

I've managed to maintain my tenured attitude all this time in front of him. And now, I look so silly! When I looked at the glass, I realized that my hair was very tangled and my face was dull! How beautiful are you when you wake up?

Aaargh!, I screamed while ruffling my own hair, until I actually looked terrible!

What's my fault, Harrish Adrian Adisuna?

***

I never cared about what I wore on my face –since returning home. My life is also getting irregular. Wake up, follow Sekar eating instant noodles, and of course lazy all day . What I did reflected on my shabby appearance. I pout my hair more often than not let it fall –even if my hair is just over the shoulder. Wearing loose t-shirts and knee-length pants wherever you go, complete with glasses that make my style more unattractive –even up to the mall.

I never cared that no one would look at me. I like myself more like this. Relax and comfortable.

But, now, I unpacked my make up bag. Grease moisturizer, foundation, eyeliner, blush-on and lipstick!

Geez!, what the hell is this?

I looked at myself in the mirror.

No. gabe…

I'm not on a date with someone until I have to dress this whole! He's just Harrish, even if he's my boss! And I always look graceful (?) in front of him.

But, I hate that he messed up my quiet days. Even in my own home!

I scowled at my shadow and dejectedly wiped away everything I had stuck on my face! Really, I'm not working! My house!

Well, as I recall she didn't like to see me dress up either. Ah, she once removed the lipstick on my lips by force in a time when I felt I was beautiful.

Out there, he just waited to talk to me after he left. Good thing last night Evania called me and I know what I can probably say – without compromising respect, even if she's my boss.

Yeah, I gotta stay calm. Pokerface.

I stepped out of the room confidently. Mother and Sekar must be surprised, not usually I shower until two hours. later they even concluded another when seeing me dress up.

It's completely wrong!

I heard laughter from the kitchen. Laughter was as if there was something so pleasant.

“As I recall Mas Harrish did not like instant noodles," his voice sounded witty. "At that time Mas Harrish once said to me that from childhood he never ate instant noodles. Said it could hurt appendicitis”

“Oh yes ?” Harrish sounded serious.

I found them standing in front of the stove and As usual, Sekar again cooked his favorite instant fried noodles for breakfast.

“I from childhood like to eat noodles, but never a sore appendix," continued Sekar, his jokes became increasingly until he was unaware I was standing behind them listening and confused.

“When did I ever say that?” ask Harrish.

“Mas Harrish where remember !” It's starting to sound pretty funny. “When you used to play here if Mbak Sabina was again off college..”

Harrish.

Wh-wh-what for?

Why does it all seem to be important to Harrish after she told me once, that things have changed a lot? And also for that reason he went away from me?

I don't know how to. Everything is getting more confusing. All the answers to the questions he might have wanted to ask me, crashing in my head, seeing as he seemed to have found another opening to reveal everything.

I leaned against the door limply, until I felt someone grabbing my shoulder.

“You don't eat first, Bin ?” reprove Mother.

The two people who were talking looked back.

I knew that mom was deliberately making a sound, so that I wouldn't get more agitated looking at them.

“Eh, Ma'am.. I've made fried noodles," said Sekar. "Enak youho!”

I nodded, then glanced at Harrish who had left her place to sit at the dinner table with me and my mother.

Sekar started serving fried noodles with dishes that he shared with us like a real housekeeper.

I'm back on edge. Sitting in the same room, one table with Harrish like this, brings back glimpses of the past, where Me and Sekar were busy preparing food and Harrish was waiting. I put a plate filled with food and we started sitting together discussing unimportant things that could magically make us laugh.

“Assalamuaikum..," a mother-mother's voice sounded from the front door. There was a guest who required my mother to come up to him and leave us.

I stared in all directions, except for the front side that made me face to face with Harrish who looked the same as me. Trying to say something but awkward. If you want to talk, maybe we have to wait for the right moment, until Sekar can not eavesdrop at all because I believe he is very willing to know with my personal affairs.

“Come eaten !” sekar said after a plate of fried noodles was in front of me and Harrish.

Harrish seemed to want to eat it.

“Do not eat," I said. "Later allergic”

Harrish gawking.

I looked at him seriously. "That's why Mas Harrish never ate instant noodles. The spice can cause allergies" I explained.

I heard Sekar giggling like it was funny. Yeah, that's not funny.

“I'm not sure," he said, while still eating the instant noodles.

Suddenly we were approached. There are two mothers who are actually no strangers to me –neighbors next door who usually visit home to just chat.

“Duh, you, Bin.. go home never say anything...," said Ms. Narti, the neighbor of the end of the alley. "Older Ibuk can't see you. Add your beauty, Ndhuk..”.

I stood up from my chair smiling, approaching them for the nightingale.

“Iya. If nothing happened last night we wouldn't know" said the other mother who I forgot her name but she lives two houses away from here.

Why did they suddenly come?

Oh, I found them looking at Harrish –as if this was the point that attracted them to come. As expected, last night must have been quite a scene around here. That's why they came to make sure.

“This is your husband, anyway ?” ask Ms. Narti.

Yeah, they still misunderstand. No one knows that our status has changed. But the present circumstances show that we are still in that bond.

“Wah, still as handsome as before yes…,"

Ah, the mother's getting coquettish. Even if it was just tempting, I was still distracted.

They came just to make sure I came with my husband. Oh, maybe there are already many who suspect something has happened to me in Jakarta. Because of our impromptu marriage and all the citizens know that Harrish is a son of the conglomerate –inya social status is a serious problem. Plus the incident last night that made the village so excited. If Harrish is not brought here, he will certainly be made into the months of the siskamling youth.

But, why?

Why is it that when I wanted to tell the world my true situation, he made me go back to pretending –pangnya, this time we have to act as usual?

Oh, my God.. Can I survive?