LOVE THE CHILDREN OF JURAGAN
Am I Selfish?

Mentari smiled as she closed her eyes as she felt Erdana's hand caressing her long hair. Occasionally the man's hands caressed her innocent back.

"I like your hair, Ri. It's a bit wavy and it's not too black either." said Erdana who was lying behind him. They have just finished with the activity of making love after 4 days of not meeting because of the density of their respective work schedules.

"Never cut it?" erdana said again then kissed Mentari's head and inhaled the fragrant hair of his wife.

Mentari turned her body. Now the two face each other. "The pretty student who teased you yesterday, I noticed her hair was also wavy and brown easily."

Erdana chuckles. "Jealous?"

"No." Mentari.

"So can you get me close to them while giving the seminar?"

"Please!"

"Really?" Erdana looked into Mentari's eyes.

"Try it if you dare. I will beat you to death" Mentari said threateningly making Erdana laugh and immediately took Mentari into his arms.

"I wouldn't dare look at another girl, honey. I have you who are beautiful and love me. Although sometimes I feel like number two if I have to deal with your clothes."

The sun looked up and gently kissed Erdana's neck. "Patience huh? Next year, we will live our dreams together. I'll be performing as Furkan's mistress. I will give birth to beautiful and handsome children for you. I want to carry them and take care of them with my own hands. And I will always stand at our door to welcome you home from work. Let me have my dream first, right? Then we'll reach for our dreams together."

Erdana. They are both young. Achieving dreams in youth is the wish of everyone.

"I want more." whispered Erdana then kissed Mentari's ear lobe making the girl feel amused.

"I'm ready, baby" Mentari said, wrapping her hands around Erdana's neck to resume their hot activities.

************

Mentari's tears flowed as she reminisced about her good times with Erdana. In his hands is his head which is now bald.

No more beautiful hair that is always admired by many people especially Erdana

"Mrs Furkan.....!"

The sun turned towards the source of the voice.

"What's up, sister?"

"The lady's been allowed to visit the lady's son in the NICU."

The sun wiped away her tears. This is the source of his strength to survive.

He then took a cloth to cover his head. Then follow the nurse to the NICU room.

Upon entering the room, Mentari's heart trembled. He stared at the children lying in incubators with life support tubes attached to their bodies.

They arrived at a corner incubator.

The sun couldn't help but feel the smell of her scent when she saw her little baby in the incubator to survive. He had to be born prematurely because Mentari had to undergo surgery to cure his other aches. His son, who was born with a weight of only 1 kg, had to be treated here.

Mentari's hand trembled as she put her hand in the incubator hole and touched her baby for the first time. "Hallo baby As. Mother is here." The Mentari eating his son is Asfarisal which means strength. The child was named Asfarisal Priyatama Gading Furkan. Which means a loving power.

Mentari also remembered the first time he knew that she was pregnant.

Flashbacks

That night Mentari cries in Prayuda's apartment, telling of the incident between Yasmin and Erdana that caused Yasmin to become pregnant.

Mentari then fainted again so Prayuda took her to the hospital and requested that Mentari be examined in full and done CT scan because Prayuda began to suspect what happened with Mentari.

"I have to give up, Pre. It's for Yasmin. Poor Yasmin pregnant. He is also very young. Yasmin's family is a famous family. It can be a disgrace if it's not resolved." Mentari said as Prayuda called him the next day at the hospital.

"But your 7 years together should be a waste?"

"How else do you want?"

"You're Erdana's wife, Ri."

The sun wiped his tears violently. "That's it. We were only married religiously. Do you think the Satria family doctor would accept that his son is in polygamy? Oh yeah, what did you call me here?"

Prayuda was doubtful. He knew this would add to the burden of the Mentari. But he also has to be honest.

"Ri, I hope that you are wise to expose this. Don't be tense and don't stress."

"I'm sick, huh?" ask Mentari.

Prayuda. "In your brain you found a tumor." Prayuda put the st-scan results on the lighted glass. "Indeed, it is still small but it is sandwiched between your other condition brain so that even though it is still small but quite disturbing. You should not be too tired, you should not think too much because it will aggravate the situation. I should also have a further examination of whether the tumor is malignant or not."

Mentari's cry immediately broke upon hearing Prayuda's explanation. He cried so hard that Prayuda could not bear to see him. He immediately stood up from the chair and approached Mentari. He hugged the girl he had loved since childhood but he had thrown away all his taste for Mentari when she finally married Erdana.

"Dance, don't think negatively. There is still a way for your treatment. It's just you don't get stressed out. That's not good."

"I'll find the best way to cure you. I promise, Ri."

"Can I have surgery?"

"could. It is better to have surgery before it gets bigger. But the thing is, you can't do the operation right now."

"Why?"

"You're pregnant, Ri."

The mentari was even more surprised. How did she get pregnant? Hasn't she always taken her anti-pregnancy pills?

Mentari so remember, when he and Erdana met make love as much as that night, he did forget to take the pill because it was left in his other bag. But isn't tomorrow why he's drinking again?

"Have you checked properly, Pre?"

"Your pregnancy is entering its 8th week."

"So how's this?"

"To be able to undergo the treatment process of tumors in your brain, you will take a lot of drugs and it can interfere with the process of fetal growth in your stomach. That's why you have to drop it."

Mentari was silent for a moment. Then he shook his head. "I want to keep this content, Pre. I'll delay my treatment until I give birth."

"That could endanger your life. The problem is this tumor....."

"Please. I will ask God to give birth safely. I will try to be happy, I will be patient and strong. But please, never tell this to Erdana."

"But...."

"He will leave Yasmin and continue to be beside me. What about Yasmin? What is the fate of the child in the womb?"

"But if you don't tell Erdana, it's selfish, Ri."

"I have to think selfishly. I know how Er feels about me. I can't ignore Yasmin and her entire family. I don't want Er's family to be disappointed with her. All this happened because of my mistake as well. If I hadn't delayed our marriage. If I wasn't selfish thinking about my career. It's definitely not going to happen with Yasmin. Believe, Pre. I will be strong in facing all this. Especially with this kid. If Erdana hadn't married Yasmin, their family relationship would have been broken and Yasmin wouldn't have been able to deal with all this." The Mentari held Prayuda's hand and placed it on his stomach. "Opt it for my son, you're not going to say this to Erdana."

"But....."

"I'll be strong, Pre."

Prayuda nodded.

A touch on Mentari's shoulder restores her consciousness back from her daydream.

"Sorry madam, the visiting time is over."

"Oh, yeah." The sun releases her hand that still holds her baby's tiny hand. He left the NICU and returned to his treatment room.

When he arrived there, Jeslin had just returned from the Mentari house in Surabaya. He brought a change of clothes for his son.

"Have you seen it?" ask Jeslin.

"Yes, bun. He is very handsome." replied Mentari with a radiant face.

"Son, you should know this news. Yasmin's son is dead."

"Really, bun? Innalilahi wa Ina ilaihi Raji'un."

"Mother came to your father's grave and saw there were Yasmin and Erdana. The two cried together in front of their son's grave. Looks like Yasmin and Erdana's relationship has been good. That's why mom

"Amen."

"You're going to keep your son's whereabouts hidden from Erdana?"

The Mentari who was just about to climb up on his bed immediately turned around and looked at his mother.

"Yasmin has lost his grandparents. Now he lost his son. Should I make her even sadder by letting Erdana return to my side? Let them be happy, bun. I'm going to live my life with baby As. Even though I don't know when I'll survive."

Jeslin hugged his son. "Dear, don't be like that. If you could just wake up in a coma, you would be able to get through all this. You must be strong for your son."

Mentari. Although he actually knows that his pain has not healed completely but he will still be optimistic to live his life.

"Bun, if my son is well, I want to move to Singapore. It would be safer if Erdana and I didn't live in the same country. Because I was afraid to see him again. I'll melt and hug him."

Jeslin nodded. I hope your decision is right, son."

**********

Makasi has read this part

the spirit of today, guys

don't forget to support your mother.