MAHMUD, I Love U
Loving Too Much

"If loving you is a mistake, then how do I make it up to you? Staying away from you is torture. Hm, maybe just let me spend this love, alone. If you want to go, go! I'm not gonna arrest you." (Lantian)

***

Rendra stared at the half-moon nanar hanging in the sky from where he settled. The night was quiet. He sat alone on the porch of his house on his favorite rattan chair. Rizal was already sound asleep because it was already 2 am. While Rendra cannot be closed. His mind still invites him to enjoy the night. He let the cold wind greet his body which was only covered in a short t-shirt that showed all parts of his arms. One cigarette that had been burned half stuck to his left hand. For a long time he had not felt the suction of the small elongated object containing tobacco since the father was sentenced to lung disease.

Rendra only wanted to accompany his father struggling to escape from cigarettes at that time. It was hard, but he finally succeeded. A day without cigarettes was not as bad as he had imagined. His body feels fresher every day. And most importantly, his struggle managed to make his father proud even though the feeling did not last long. The compliment giver is gone too soon.

After the departure of his father, Rendra still survives no longer touching the goods that have been painstakingly shunned. But that night he felt like he wanted to take another sip of that thing. Just one more time.

⬅️

"I love you."

Rendra said the word with confidence. His heart was sure of the woman in front of him. Their eyes clashed. Rendra smiled, while Mayra widened her eyes in disbelief. Rendra chuckles. With the condition of his shocked face, the woman in front of him was still that attractive.

Rendra sipped his coffee again. "Why? This is not a dream, really," said Rendra. But his words even made Mayra open her mouth.

"You crazy?" Mayra raised her voice.

"Maybe." Rendra answered casually.

"No, Ren. This is not true! You shouldn't really love me like this!" Mayra rules for sure. Although in his heart there is a speck of pleasure because the man in front of him really loves him, but he must be aware immediately. Everything's wrong. Can't continue! Mayra did not want to hurt her husband again and again. Moreover, he had promised himself that he would take care of the best possible apology Azka had given him.

"Don't blame me May! I just want to express my feelings. It's okay if you don't like it. But at least I have to convey this so that my heart is relieved" Rendra said as he circled the lips of the glass with his finger. He remembered Azka who told him to stay away from his wife. And before time gets them really far, Rendra wants to say those three words to the woman she loves. That'sallthatis.

Mayra was silent for a moment. Rendra. I don't know what that guy was thinking.

"With you saying 'I love you', then what do you want to hear from me? 'I love you too' So? Didn't you want me to give it back, did you?" Mayra still doesn't think. He knows himself and Rendra is enjoying what his name is. But in his shadow, it was not something as serious as this that he would get.

"You have a taste for me, right?" Rendra deliberately lures her interlocutor with a question that she already knows the answer to.

"Y-yeah..," Mayra stammered. "Whatever I feel for you, please stop it all here! I have Azka, I have Anggun. From the beginning I knew this was all wrong, but...." Mayra stopped her words. Rendra.

Rendra understands. He knew the woman in front of him liked him. But yes, indeed, there was Azka beside him. Again, the man felt something wrong again. There was jealousy when Azka's name was called. When Mayra mentioned her name, it was seen that the woman was very afraid of losing her husband.

"Azka was lucky" said Rendra later, chuckling.

"I'm the lucky one, Ren. I'm lucky to have a husband as good as Azka. So please, help me so that I don't hurt her again and again!" Mayra's eyes began to glaze over.

Rendra looked at him deeply. She knew Mayra was going to cry. He turned his face. She did not want to see her woman crying for any reason, especially if it was because of her. If in the end Mayra wants her to leave, then she will.

"I'm sorry, May."

➡️

Rendra smoked again slowly, then he exhaled the smoke quickly. If his father was next to him, everything would be easier. His father was indeed the best outpouring of hearts for him.

"Let's in there! Eyes still sleepy wear out everything." Ledek Rendra while rubbing the tip of his cigarette on a small plate that suddenly made an ashtray.

Rizal glanced at the rest of the cigarettes on top of the artificial ashtray. Eyes squeaking. He knew his friend had long since left the world of tobacco. And if tonight his friend touches that thing he has long shunned, there must be something wrong.

"Mayra?" Guess Rizal's on target. Rendra nodded. "What's wrong with him?"

"Your handsome brother is rejected, Baaaaaang," replied Rendra, a melancholy snob.

"Haha. Edan!! How do you want it anyway? She accepted you and broke up with her husband?"

"Hahaha, your language, Bang, Bang. Breaking up? It's like a big new boy's love," Kilah Rendra pretended to be normal. His heart was really sick at the time. It hurts more than when I broke up with Bella. I don't know what's wrong with his heart.

"Yes, it's Ren. Forget that! Tomorrow we'll find a new, unmarried one!" rizal said without taking a glance, but his hand patted Rendra's back slowly. Although the sentence he said seemed joking, but he really wanted to calm the heart of his friend.

Yes, if the heart is that easy. Maybe patients do not have to lament the taste for long. Today is sick, tomorrow changes a new one.

Rendra chuckles. "You, Bang, when do you want to find a new boyfriend?"

Rendra does not know why after breaking up from Bella, his friend has not moved to find a new heart. Rendra suspects that his friend is still not able to forget his ex-girlfriend. The ex-girlfriend who became her ex-boyfriend also used to be.

"Maha." Rendra laughed remembering everything. The reality of life is sometimes so ridiculous. Bella, who happens to be his last ex, turns out to be the last ex for Rizal.

"Your possessed?" Rizal distanced his body, glancing at his friend in wonder. His friend was still sitting in his place, now he suddenly woke up for what.

"Hahaahaha!! I'm on you Bang!! Hahahahaha," Rendra's laughter loosened.

"This is how does it mean? You me? You want to be my girlfriend?" Rizal squinted his eyes.

"Hahahaha, yes you can. Than nothing at all." Rendra was still laughing.

"Yes anyway. Than to love a married woman again, right? Mending's the same as me, right?" Rizal blinked his eyes flirtatiously.

"Hahahaha, yes!!!!"

The two laughed heartily splitting the silence of the night. They don't care if the neighbors wake up or not, they just want to laugh, that's all. Laughter that turned out to be accompanied by a drop of tears from the man who was broken heart.

~ I knew we were impossible, but why do we always meet? I knew this heart had to be evaded. But the truth is I can't. I'm sorry I loved ~

(Song from Tiara Andini, "I'm sorry")

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