My Amar
6. Grief

No matter how strong a human being is, no matter how hard he is, or whatever cutthroat that person is to someone else. Still, there was always someone who could offend him. There is always something that makes his heart pierced.

Back then, I really did not expect, that an Amar Septian would be truly offended. I didn't think she had sensitive things that made her heart ache.

I was walking home at that time. Yes, back from school. Where else would I go out of the house other than school?

Suddenly, as I walked to the highway, to wait for the angkot, Amar came to me with his motorbike.

"Would you go?" Amar, who came in front of me, asked suddenly.

"Where to?" I was confused because I didn't understand.

"To your house."

"It's home, not gone." I looked at him in wonder while smiling.

"Thank you for telling me."

I'm staring. Staring and trying to understand the meaning of his words. Really, I suddenly blank when it's there.

"I thought my place was you, but it was home."

I laugh. She laughs. We laughed then, though I didn't know what to laugh at.

Amar pointed at the back seat of his bike with his face. I-i understand. I see, if he takes me up.

"Where?" I asked, while looking at him.

"We drive."

"Huh?" I don't know what it is"drive."

"Away walking, he called a walk. If you ride a vehicle as a vehicle."

I laughed again at that moment. Laugh while covering my mouth with my palm. While Amar, a big smile was looking at me.

"Where are the vehicles?" I try to follow his strange language.

Amar smiling. He looked at me, blinked a few seconds, let out a long sigh.

Amar remained silent. Shut up, until I'm confused as to why he's quiet like that.

"Diem's cigarette?" I asked, looking at him who kept staring at me.

"Just go to Japan first." I cringed, not understanding his words. "In the imagination."

Again, Amar made me laugh alone. I don't know why, I think it's so easy for him to make me laugh.

"Come." Amar pointed at the back seat with his face. While his hands, focus on the handlebar of the motor.

"Where?"

"Take a guess."

I held my chin, trying to think where he was going to take me.

"Sukabumi?" many guessed.

"Sukabumi is broad. This is sukabumi too."

I thought back for a moment. I looked at him who continued to smile nonstop, as if he never had a burden to live on.

"Sukaraza?" I guess back.

"I don't like it."

"Cock?"

"I like you."

Okay, I'm not surprised to hear that. Yeah, I already knew that she liked me, and that was obvious. So I'm not surprised.

Amar sighed, combed his hair with his hands back, then looked back at me.

"You are special" said Amar.

I squinted my eyes, trying to think clearly with what he said. I looked at him, waiting for him to explain.

"My friend, ah no. My sister wants to see you."

I'm still quiet. Still didn't understand the intent of the purpose he had uttered that.

"He's our age." Amar pointed towards the sky, when he said the word "him".

"Where exactly?" my many.

"Maybe now... " Amar paused his words. I looked at him waiting for him to continue his words. "Laughs happily with the creator."

At that moment, I immediately thought that he was joking as usual. His typical laughter, it looked completely different from usual.

I agreed to invite Amar out of curiosity, who exactly was his sister at that time.

I got on the bike.

"Don't you like Dilan or anything?" ask Amar.

"How is Dilan?"

"In the hug for example."

I smiled, then hugged her from behind. I looked back, it seemed like Amar was also smiling as I hugged her.

-oOo

At that time, we arrived at the flower shop. Amar bought three flower packages. One flower is real, and both are just imitation flowers. But everything, like roses. Or the rose.

The first time I got there, I thought the florist was the one Amar meant. But apparently not, he's just a friend named Rani.

"You... Want flowers?" Amar offers flowers there.

I just shook my head slowly. I don't really like flowers. Moreover, fake flowers are made of fabric.

"Ran ie tilu her. Catet hela, to the issue in the moneyna," said Amar while showing the flowers he held. ("This one is three. Write first, tomorrow bring the money.")

-oOo

We got somewhere. More precisely, we just stopped the bike, because the place is still a little far away.

After passing through the train tracks, driving through a small road, through the cemetery, we finally arrived at a village.

Amar stopped his motorcycle at a small early school. Maybe, just for the people in this village.

"This is my village" said Amar. Realizing I was looking around the quiet surroundings.

"We're going to your house?" my many.

"No. Just come to my house later. Tomorrow or maybe the day after."

I just nodded my head. Holding the two flower packages that I had been holding.

I walked up to Amar who just stepped up.

That time, the afternoon. I followed him behind, past a mustard garden, up the stairs and up to the cemetery.

I shuddered in horror, seeing Amar bring me here.

But—

For some reason, at that time I felt Amar would not do me any harm. He was saddened, though his smile continued to be carved on his lips forcefully.

That time too. Recalling his words earlier before leaving, looking at the flowers bought—

His brother has died.

I immediately realized it was there, right then and there.

Amar crouched on the side of the blue-crammed tomb. I can't see clearly, the name on the tombstone.

"It's Abah."

I'm silent. Silently looked at Amar who stroked the tombstone.

"He slept when I was a baby." Amar glanced at me and smiled. But, I know, he was sad at the time. "Sampe now does not wake up again," continued Amar laughed blandly.

My heart hurts. Do not know why, at that time, it was really painful to see Amar who was always cheerful, now looks sad. Even so, he kept trying to joke.

I forgot the date at the time. But if it's not wrong, it's the last week of November.

Amar was seen at the time. He seemed to be reading a gift, or perhaps alfatihah.

"The hela bah. Doaken, sugan we jeng nu ie mate. Arrow Abah mah ges deket jeng nu almighty." Amar laughed blandly, then kissed his tombstone.

Really am. Either then, or now, my tears are always dripping in the light of the incident.

That's Abah, not his father. But grandfather.

My tears are dripping there. I hugged the two flowers in my hand tightly. While Amar, keep the rose in his pants pocket.

"It's a Shit." Amar pointed to one of the tombs as we walked.

"This is my mother, Abah's father-in-law."

"This is Abah's sister-in-law."

These, these, and many more tombs are mentioned. Yes, it is his family area.

Then we arrived at a new tomb. He hasn't been ceramic-tipped like the others. Still as shaky as the ground.

Right then, the first time I saw Amar was desperate. He dropped his body, and propped himself up with both hands pressing against the mound of earth in front of him.

Amar looked down, right above the tomb. He kept the rose near the padung. Dan—

She cried?

Amar cried without a sound. I saw him shed tears.

Not felt, at that time I also kept the flower that I had held next to the rose that Amar stored on the tomb.

I rubbed his back slowly. Trying to calm down the crying one. He looked sad at the time, very sad.

"He's Aira" said Amar in a hoarse voice as he was still shedding tears.

"Hi Aira's. I'm Ressa." I greet the tomb.

Amar behenti crying. Leaving tears on her face without a wipe.

She smiles. The soil of the grave was soft.

"He went to bed two weeks ago" Amar said.

Amar did not mention that the people there were dead. He just called it sleep.

"This is what you mean?" I asked, while continuing to rub his back.

"I miss Aira" said Amar without answering my question.

At the time, I didn't know who Aira was. I don't know him yet.

"Aira misses you too."

Amar glanced at me. I stared so deeply that I felt ashamed. He looked at me with a smile.

After I stop crying. Amar read al-fatihah's letter which he dedicated to Aira.

Then, the two of us went home saying goodbye to Aira and the others.

While on the road, I just found out who Aira is. Amar explained everything to me.

Amar told me when Aira died but I forgot. He was his childhood friend, he was from Jakarta just like me and died in an accident.

For Aira, may she always be in almighty shade. I clearly know how sad and lost Amar was when I told Aira.

-oOo