My Amar
7. lost
That day, after this morning, I did not see Amar again. I don't know where he went. He didn't see me today.
At that time, I thought Amar was angry with me. He may have offended my ucpan this morning. I feel guilty for him too. I feel like I offended him.
-oOo
Her night. Amar didn't call or send me a message. I was waiting for him at that moment. My guilt is getting bigger, I don't know what to do. I wanted to apologize to him. But, I was too prestigious back then, to call or send Amar a message first. So, I just kept quiet, waiting for him to call me.
Unfortunately, no matter how long I wait. Amar didn't call me. Honestly, I was sad at the time. I'm angry at myself. And I don't know, what's the reason I became like that.
"I'm sorry mar" I said. Maybe crying that night.
I slept, feeling broken. I have to apologize to him. I hope he comes to see me tomorrow as he always does.
-oOo
At school, I didn't see Amar. He's not there to see me. I was also confused where he really was. I wish he had met me. But baby, it didn't happen.
Amar doesn't know where. Usually, every morning he comes to my class. But not this morning, and I'm pretty sure he was mad at me at the time.
I don't know why, I feel scared. I was afraid, if Amar hated me. I'm afraid he won't see me again. I was scared, he started trying to stop approaching me. Don't ask me why. I was confused as to why I felt that way.
-oOo
At recess, I had not met him. It was as if he disappeared that time. As in eating a cat, once in magic it becomes small. He left, he was as if swallowed up by the earth and would never return.
I walked to the front of her class, class 2 IPA 1. I wish Amar was there. I just want to see him, see he's there. Just to make sure he's still living on earth, not moving to mercury or to Mars. But baby, I don't see him in his class.
I ran into his friends at the time, Ahmad and Ucup. They were in a class with Amar.
"Eh eta you, namana ressa?" ask Ahmad.
"Yes" I replied.
"Where is Amar?"
"Where is he going?"
"Either that. I tea her nyari, but there is none" said Ahmad.
"Panyateh maneh nyaho," said Ucup, using sundanese which means: "Thought you knew."
-oOo
I haven't seen Amar in three days. The disappearance of Amar has been a mystery to this day. Amar never wanted to tell me about it.
At that moment, I felt like I was missing something precious. His friends, including the teacher at school, did not know where he was.
-oOo
I didn't meet Amar. He didn't go to school that long either. I wanted to call him, but I don't know why, it's hard to call him first. Not because of anything, I just don't want to be considered cheap. At the time, we were still ordinary friends.
-oOo
Back then, I pretended to Arif that he would take me there. I said, I just want to know where the snacks are other than the canteen. Arif agrees. He doesn't know, if I want to find Amar.
Ati Tea Stalls it's quite rame. Noisy by people who talk, just as noisy by the sound of music played very loud.
At Ati Tea Stall, I saw the kids smoking free. I was uncomfortable with cigarette smoke.
"Eh, don't bother. Eta mah pacarna si amar" said Ahmad. When, there was someone who wanted to sit next to me. All I know is that his name is Azis.
There is nothing special in this Ati Tea shop. It's the same as in the cafeteria. Fried, beverage, boiled noodles, fried noodles. But, the difference is there is seblak in this stall. Since then, I have loved it.
-oOo
Since Amar went missing back then. I often go with Arif to Ati Tea Stalls. Yeah, I just wish Amar was there at the time. But unfortunately not. He wasn't there.
Once upon a time, I asked about him inadvertently asking about Amar to Ahmad or to Ucup? I forgot again. Between those two people.
"Emang Amar rarely goes to school?" my many.
"Sakola mah diligently. Don't know where, he's not picking up the phone either." That sequence means me.
-oOo
At that time, I ventured to call Amar when I was sleeping in my room. As his friend said. He didn't pick up the phone. I'm worried, I'm afraid she's doing something at the time.
I'm only able to, replay my memories of him. About him pretending to be a baker to come near me. About him, who won a poetry contest against me. About him, who always sat at the table when it came to my class. About him, who never took off the bag he was sitting in at school. He who is able to make me blush embarrassed, with his fist in front of my friends.
-oOo
I once thought, Amar was just playing games with me. At that time, I hadn't seen him in a week. I'm trying to get myself back in the habit without him. But baby, it's too hard.
I tried to spend my break in the cafeteria, as usual. Not at the Ati Tea shop, following Arif.
-oOo
Everything felt different at the time. A week without his presence was hard for me.
Turns right. We will only feel lost when we really have lost someone. Those words were true, completely the same as I thought at the time.
Amar wanted to teach me a lesson. Lesson, about how we should appreciate someone's struggle.
To be honest, I never dated. I was still in High School at the time. And my time, not as good as the children of today.
I've been close to some people in Jakarta. But, I've never been this close, like with a sukabumi.
Amar is deliberately testing. Or he wants to, make me feel, that he's valuable. I don't know what he was thinking, when he disappeared. He just left without a greeting or anything.
-oOo