My First Love (My Memories Revealed)
CHAPTER 115 | My Memories Revealed

I closed my eyes, feeling back with my heart the first time I met her, my first love that changed my life. My life that I had only tied up for myself but he came and slowly untied it, making me believe that believing in others would not hurt me, one by one the rope that bound me began to loose and Rey managed to free me, she grew my confidence, she managed to make me see the world with other colors also enjoy life in a different way. Rey taught me that the world wasn't just about me, she opened my eyes and made me see that there were people around me who loved me more than I could imagine.

I opened it and I took the first photo, re-remembered in my memory how sweet and cool she was when she smiled at me, his smile that was able to tear down and tear down the barrier wall I had built to protect myself.

“Only he who has a smile like this, before him there is nothing else”, I said by looking at the snippets of photos that began to fade in time. I can't lie to my feeling that I miss this man so much, the smile and how gentle he was to me.

I went to the next page, even though all the photos in this album started to fade but the memories I kept in my heart and mind still felt very real every time I closed my eyes, I started to feel them. I recalled the happy moment when I was with her, unconsciously drifting back to my past until Mira regained consciousness by holding my hand.

“I never knew that mom ever had this kind of feeling other than papa. Is this guy important? Then where is he? Why did Mira never know him?”, asked Mira to me by continuing to flip the photo album in my lap. It was seen that he was very curious about who this man was, the man I never even mentioned in front of my son.

“You need to know that mom is a very closed person and lives only for yourself. Mama never believed what love is, for mama love is just nonsense and meaningless. Mama used to be so confused, how could love make someone else cry? If two people love each other why is there an affair and betrayal?. To be honest, even though you never experienced it, just seeing someone else cry and hurt is enough to make you afraid to know love. Ridiculous isn't it?”, I said speaking while confirming the position of my little girl's slightly messy hair. I might have wavered when I recalled my memories with Rey, but Sam was right next to me hugging me. Making sure that I will no longer be drawn into the dark and dark past.

“Until finally, Rey arrives. With his silly behavior he managed to make mama accept other people in and be a part of this life. With Rey, he adds new happiness and life becomes more fun since he exists. He who is just a stranger and who has come from nowhere suddenly becomes an important part of mama”'s life, I said with a smile. It was very clear that Rey's shadow was visible in my mind, it was still very real when she hugged me.

“Mama's thought that originally said that love was just nonsense and by no means entirely denied when Rey entered”. I remember when he introduced the meaning of love in my life, he showed that he himself was a real love for me. Rey broke through the door of my heart and made me hers.

“Then where is he? Mira still does not understand, if mama loves a man named Rey so much, why is mama not with him?”, mira asked confusedly and looked at Sam who was right behind me as if he doubted our relationship. How not ? If a child knows a true love story of his mother then he marries another man. I understand and understand what my son is thinking.

“You have not heard this story until Mira finishes, listen first then you will understand everything”, I said then sat closer to Mira, now I start to open the next page of the album, now I'm starting to open the next page of the album, I began to tell her how my slowly changing self began to form a relationship with Rey.

“Mama knows that he is a very stupid man but he should not be that stupid with regard to others than his own health. Until one day in the morning when mama woke up, mama found out that Rey was no longer in this world”. I still remember the feeling when I lost him, the pain I once felt slowly began to feel, the wound that had once been closed as if it had opened up and again left a mark.

“That's when you feel helpless for the first time, when you can't fight what you have outlined, you can only cry and scream. Mama once thought that if mama never opened her heart to Rey enter, surely mama never felt pain until like this, if if you stick to the stand of mama not to believe in love, but you will never feel pain until now, maybe mom won't experience all the pain. She came with love and left with leaving wounds”. I was really late in my grief when I re-opened my old story that I had been waiting for for almost twenty years, I could not believe that the scar would continue to exist to this day. Slowly Mira started crying, I had tears coming down and I held her hands together. Was my story that sad until my son cried? I smiled and asked to be sure.

“What's up? Is this too sad for you?”, I asked softly to Mira.

“Ah, it's okay mama, mama just continue the story, after this Mira who will tell it”, said Mira asked me to continue my story with Rey.

“Alright, mama always hoped that mama never knew who Rey was so that mama would not fall in love with her. Mama used to think that she was very evil because she managed to make mama fall in love but quickly she left mama and bore this sadness alone. Two years later, your father came, in the same way. Mama was just matched with Sam. Can you imagine? When mama is still in a slump both parents mama match mama with a man that mama does not love. This further makes the wounds in your heart grow bigger, mama thought that forever mama will feel tormented”, I remember when I married Sam, Sam, even the thought of him touching me was disgusting. The first year I avoided Sam but not in the second year, I remember how my parents forced me to have children. Such intense pressure from the family made me almost half crazy.

“Then I'm whose child?”, asked Mira a little confused. His confusion and innocence made me and Sam hold back our laughter as I was telling a sad story

“Of course you're papa's son. Don't you see that you look more like papa than mama?”, Sam replied briefly with a small laugh.

“In the second year of our marriage, you were born. When you are born, the feeling of sadness begins to disappear even if only a little. But more than that, the figure that you marry turns out to be very extraordinary, no matter how the pain that you experience, even though you treat it not well and even though you have not loved it completely, but Sam never gave up”, I remember how all his efforts to get my heart even though only himself was in love, either between me who was lucky to marry him or he who was unlucky to marry me. Mira started to understand my story from here she knew what happened after that.