Re-Investigation: Because You're Young
Prologues

Four months ago, May, 2016.

"Help me!" A voice rang out throughout the house, but strangely, no one was aware of the voice. No one knows who, why, or what the sound is for inside the house.

There has been a murder inside the victim's home. It was suicide. The victim only wrote a message before she committed suicide, stabbing the kitchen knife into the right side of her stomach. The message he wrote was:

"I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I-i'm sorry! I'm really sorry! I achieved, I achieved too much! I can't live like this. I was selfish, but I finally realized I was more selfish than I thought. I didn't even think about what would happen after someone discovered this. I could only give up, hoping that I would be forgiven one last time. I'm really sorry. I-i'm sorry! I-i'm sorry! Thanks for everything, Uncle. It says: Jamila Armstrong."

No one knew the reason why he ended his life. Only a piece of writing written by him was proof that he had decided to do so. There was no one in his family, no one by his side, no one to help him, no one to help him even when he did the stunt. She was just a lonely girl, so decided to end her life.

The case was closed with suspicion: he committed suicide due to mental illness.

***

Today, August 26th.

"What's up, Raka? Why are you still checking the old files? Wasn't the case closed four months ago?" A woman said, approaching her head towards me, then staring at the laptop.

"I just want to see the old files."

"Is that so?" He moved away, looked at me, and put both of his arms between his chest. "I'm still curious ..."

"Absolutely curious about what?" I asked.

"You know, if you read the message ..."

"What message?"

"Well, a message from him."

I checked the message in question. I clicked on the file containing the message, the message written from him to someone.

"To this day, the person mentioned in his letter has never appeared even once."

"What do you mean, uncle?"

"You know what, I'm very suspicious of his uncle. How not, we've given word that his nephew has died by suicide, but until now, he hasn't come. He didn't even come in when his nephew's funeral took place a few months ago. Is he really his uncle? Or ...he was the one who killed him? He faked the letter as if it were written by his nephew. It could happen, right?"

"You're right, it could happen. But the case closed four months ago. So ..." I stood up from my chair. "Whatever you're saying right now, it won't change anything."

I walked away leaving him while he was still thinking.

"Ah, you're right. Then where do you want to go?"

"I want to smoke. Anyway, today I am duty free. There's no case I need to deal with for now. I had a lot of time, "I said without looking back at him.

"So so. Then ..." He ran up to me in his high heels. "How about lunch together?"

I stopped after he said it near me. I turned to her and touched her forehead which was covered by her bangs.

"Other times, Karina." I left her holding her forehead.

"You said that you were free, didn't you? Why did you refuse my invitation?"

Hearing the question from him, I stopped and turned towards him.

"Ah .. That's because I don't love you."

After saying that, I actually left her.

"What the fuck? Why does he always lie about his feelings? I've known that since we were Junior High, but you instead ... I really don't understand what you're thinking. You liar!"

***

Vacation, maybe that's what I want right now. I'm too dizzy to do that or that. I cannot endure this suffering in my head and heart. Even so, I still try to smile in front of people and look fine.

I spoke to my brother once. It happened twenty-three years ago. At that time, the words from him gave me a motivation and a direction in which I should step.

"Where do you want to go? Aren't you going to play with me?"

"Sorry Raka, maybe next time. I have to work now."

"But ..."

He suddenly smiled when I knew he couldn't play with me because of his job.

"Smile! Even if there's a loser in front of you, you still have to smile. Don't forget to always smile. Smiling is free. Don't ever regret that I left you because of my job. Tomorrow ... we'll have fun after this day is over." He lowered his head in front of me and thrust his little finger towards me.

"Promise?" I put my little finger on his little finger.

"Yes, I promise. But remember one thing, smile even when you're suffering."

I didn't understand what he meant at the time, "keep smiling no matter what". He said something that a child did not understand. But just then, as she went to work and I followed her, I finally understood what she meant.

"What's okay? Cj ..."

I burned a cigarette and stared outside this glass wall. The ants (humans) there look very peaceful as if there is no evil in this world. Someone was calling, someone was waiting for the bus at the stop, there were students walking, there were office slaves running because it was late, and there was also a reflection of my face on this glass wall.

"In hindsight, aren't they in too much of a hurry? They forget to smile. That disciple, that servant, are they not smiling? Then why smile when you know you can't do that under the wrong conditions?"

I looked at myself in the reflection of this glass wall and began to think.

Why can he say that to me when his condition is not okay? Look at them, there is no smile on their lips. You smile when you realize that it doesn't need to be done. Sometimes you cry. Sometimes you laugh. Sometimes you talk. Sometimes you shut up. Not smiling is always good. Then why do you keep smiling even when your condition is suffering more? Hey Yuda, can you explain it to me? Why did you leave me before I could find your reason to stay alive and take care of me? Why did you leave me? Your daughter ... I can't be like you who can always smile in all circumstances. I'm just .. I'm just a loser who has even let your daughter die. Why .... Why did you leave me? Why did you have to leave this world? Hey Yuda, tell me!

Tears came out of both my eyes. I couldn't help but feel what I was going through because I remembered about him, who had been there for me at all times. Every time he smiled, every time he gave me support, every time he suffered but was hidden by him through his smile, every time the words given by him, I was nothing. I'm just a man who can only make his life suffer. If only I had not been born in this world, if only our parents had not had an accident and had caused them to die, he would have been very happy right now. Maybe he has become a professional. He will not bury his dreams. He'll find a much better woman than that woman. And maybe .. maybe he won't live a life like this. His world, his freedom, his wings I have taken away. And even her daughter's life has been taken. I am a man who has taken their lives. I am a man who does not deserve to live in this world. I am the most despicable human being to her and her daughter in this world.

***

In a house, 10 o'clock.

"Huh!? Whatdidyou say?"

A man who continued to sit and stare at his monitor suddenly shouted at hearing what I was talking to him. He turned his head towards me and put on a shocked face and stopped there.

"Wait, wait, wait! Have you gone crazy? You must be crazy, Raka. You're totally nuts! I can't let you do that. You know how dangerous experiments are, don't you? Your body will be destroyed if you drink it."

He was aware of an experiment conducted by a secret company/organization. I was the one who told him that.

"You're like this because of Jamila, aren't you?" He asked again and kept looking at me.

I responded by nodding.

"You can't do that. Anyway, you can't do that! I don't want to lose a great detective like you. I don't want to lose the person who saved my life. I don't want to ..." He turned towards his monitor. Then he leaned over to look at the two legs that had been paralyzed.

"You know ..." I hesitated to speak.

"Do you have any other way of knowing what happened to your niece? You're a great detective, aren't you? Why can't you solve the case? Why can't the police do such an easy thing and choose to shut it down as if it were a suicide? Why didn't you tell them Jamila wouldn't do that? What are the police doing? What are they thinking? And ... What really happened? Jamila .. She's a good girl, isn't she? But why do you so easily allow her to die and assume she committed suicide because of a mental illness?"

"I-I .. I don't understand either. To be honest, I wanted to act and take over the case, but the higher-ups told me to shut up. I have tried to remain patient and await the results of their investigation. But in the end, they decided to conclude that it was a case of suicide, and the case was closed by them."

"Have you ever tried ..."

"I've tried various ways to keep the case going. I offered to handle it. But they didn't allow me to do it. I was disappointed in myself and them for not being able to investigate it. I don't know what else to do now. I'm not the great detective you said I was. I'm just their slave. I can't move if they won't let me move."

I tried everything so I could investigate the case, but in the end, what I did was limited by them. I was told not to deal with it on the grounds that the case was just a case of suicide, which is often done by teenagers.

"Belgium ..." He came up to me moving his wheelchair and saw me crying.

"I'm .. I can't do anything anymore, you know that, Anton. This is all I can do for them. I have no other choice. Judah ... Jamila. It's just for them."

"But it ..."

"I know it's dangerous, but what can I do. My life is nothing compared to the lives of those I've taken all this time."

"But what if it turns out that Jamila did kill herself?"

I was shocked when he said that. He said something that couldn't have happened to Jamila.

After a few seconds of surprise, I turned towards him.

"I'm sure he wouldn't do that. He is the Jamila I raised. He couldn't possibly do such a stupid thing. He was like his father, always smiling. It's my fault because I'm too selfish and only think about my job, so he doesn't get my attention. I was too selfish and went abroad just for my job. I didn't pay attention to it at all ... I'm really stupid. Because of me, he ended up like this. Isn't that just like I killed him?"

"No, it wasn't your fault or your stupidity. You raised him after his father's death. You are the best uncle in the world he has. Yuda must be proud to have a sister like you, Raka. Trust me, you've done your job well as his uncle and stepfather."

After he said that, comforting me, he turned his wheelchair around and walked towards his desk. But before that, he seemed hesitant to turn away from me towards his desk.

"All right, I'll help you."

"Really?"

That's the news I've been waiting for from him. I'm so glad to hear that.

"I just need to fake your identity, don't I?"

"Yes, that's all. That's all."

"Well, that's an easy matter for me."

"Thank you, Anton. I'll take a leave of absence in my office."

I decided to leave after thanking him for what he did, helping me.

"Raka .. I hope you're okay after this. You can't die from that danger pill. I believe you can find out what happened to Jamila, why she killed herself, why she killed herself ... I believe in you as I believe in Judah. You are my friend's sister and my only friend. Please save Jamila, reveal her death, and make her calm there. I believe in you, Raka."