Secret Marriage
Chapter 6 The Secret Wedding

Pov Dila's

Live hard, die not want! 

Yes, that's a proper proverb for me, I lived a bitter life from childhood. I grew up being cared for only by my mother, my mother took care of me by working as a tailor. He was often sickly since long ago, and the peak was two years ago, my mother dropped and was unconscious until now.

My papa?

I don't know where he is, I don't know much about him, not even his face I don't know. My grandmother said when she was alive, my father left us when I was four. At first my father wanted to complain about his fate in another city, but somehow until my age, he never came home or just told us. Whether he's alive or not, I don't know.

Various bitter lives I have lived, from childhood I often become the ingredients of my friends because of the departure of my father, they say, "dila's father stopped by." 

It hurts me to hear it, I'm sure if you're still alive, there must be something you can't see, but I don't know what it is.

Since graduating High School I have started working, I work part-time while in college. I must win this battle of life. And finally I graduated and became a scholar, of course my mother was very proud of me.

But this unyielding attitude of mine seemed to end two years ago when my mother relapsed and was unconscious. I looked for ways to get treatment for him. And it turns out that the cost of mother's treatment is very expensive, I can't afford to find the cost. I really don't think there's a solution to all of these problems.

Until my meeting with Zian came to pass, he was a well-established and handsome man who helped me get out of that problem, but I had to pay a lot for it, I had to be willing to marry him. 

Maybe if some people see Zian then will imagine if Zian is the dream man. Sure enough, she treated me like a king's daughter, everything I wanted her to fulfill. He often does romantic things that make me drift. 

But the one thing that made me hate her, she married me for needing me as a condition for her parents' property, and she used me to fulfill her biological desires. He looked down on me, I was like a woman****** for him. But I don't deny the truth, it's true, I traded my body and my life for Zian's money. Ironic right?

That's why I take care of my heart so much, I won't let myself fall for it, because I'm sure if he gets tired of me, he'll make me a piece of trash. Especially about children, I'm afraid that if having children in a fake marriage will be a problem in the future, I'm afraid my son does not get the love of his father.

But for some reason lately my heart has been a little bit riled up, I'm annoyed to see Zian close to Felicia, I feel like I want to ban him, but I don't know what to do, I don't know what to do, I can only hold back when Zian is with Felicia. 

All I know is that Zian never loved me, so I tried to shake off this anxiety, I didn't want to drag on expecting Zian to really love me. He often asks me if I love him, of course I don't answer him, even though sometimes I see him as loving me. 

Nah!

He's just pretending, he'll never love me, I'm just something he can buy with his money. Wasn't it from the beginning he who intended to buy my life with his money?

My relationship with Zian's sister, Rima's sister is also not very good, actually I want to visit Rima's house often, but somehow I see Zian not like, he always forbid me there. This Zian sister is the only Zian family left, because Zian's parents are gone. There seemed to be two reasons that prevented Zian from connecting with his family.

First, maybe Zian thinks of me as a temporary wife for him, therefore it would be useless if I have a relationship as good as anything with his family, anyway sooner or later this relationship will be ended by Zian.

Second, because Zian had a conflict with his brother-in-law, brother Tyo, Zian looked very hateful to his sister-in-law, even though his sister-in-law was far above Zian, Zian should be respectful. But I don't know, I think it was Zian who was too bad to think of Tyo's brother.

There was also a time when brother Tyo called me to take lunch during office break because said brother Tyo was at a restaurant near the office. I came because to honor brother Tyo as his sister-in-law, but when I went home to tell Zian, Zian was angry and looked very upset. I told him we were just having lunch, but Zian wouldn't know. Since then I've been banned from contact with Tyo's sister. I obeyed Zian's words, I didn't want to argue with her, despite knowing that sister Tyo treated me politely and kindly.

"Never be in touch with my sister's family, I don't like it!" said Zian at that time, looks anger in his eyes.

I hugged her, "yes, I'm sorry, I won't be in touch again, if they call me, I'll tell you first" I said.

But Zian will be soft on the children of Kak Rima, Adis and Satya. Adis is a beautiful girl who just stepped on the bench of Junior High, and this Satya I have never met her because she was in college in Japan, but heard stories from Zian, Zian, it seems like Satya is a good boy and Satya is the same age as me, Zian said first. Indeed, Zian and Rima's brother are very distant, so that Rima's older son is the same age as me.

Two years passed, my domestic life with Zian went on without any significant problems. Two years later I tried to hold my heart back from falling for her. Her sweet and romantic attitude that made me fly often swayed my stance. But no, I will try to hold back as much as I can so that I don't drop my heart on him. Imagining our divorce in the future is quite claustrophobic. I can't even imagine if I'm going to lose Zian one day. Although he is sometimes a little emotional, but the other side of him is able to make me lulled.

Actually, long before I knew Zian I had liked someone, he I knew at a school race in my town, I was so small. I don't know why I like a boy named Alvin. I was amazed at his good looks and intelligence. Alvin and I competed in the math Olympics. At the beginning of the introduction he was actually very friendly to me, even he said he was willing to give up so that I could become champion one. Our relationship was so close that there was no word of love between us. But somehow, at the last moment he said something that confused me because he looked so hateful to me.

"Don't be too confident to beat me, if I put out all my abilities, I'm sure I'll be number one" the boy told me before the Olympics.

I patted him on the shoulder, "we're competing sportively, yes, I won't be sad if I lose, I'll also congratulate you if you win" I said with a smile.

But I saw his face was still cynical to me, he looked at me with a kingly and hateful look, "i had a deal before the Olympics started" he said.

"Say!"

He looked at me, "never call me and approach me when I'm able to win this Olympics! Let's just say we never knew each other!" he said it firmly to make me dumbfounded. 

"What's this?" my many.

"I hate you, Dila!" he said it made me cramped.

"What's my fault with you?" 

"Here you go, watch my words!" he said as he walked and left me.

The Olympics were over, when the Olympics were going on, my eyes were stealing eyes at him many times, sometimes our eyes met, but he immediately looked the other way.

The announcement of the Olympic winner was underway, when it turned out that I was the first champion, the value was just below me. I smiled, I thought this meant that her hateful words would be useless because mine was superior.

"Hows it? Isn't my value above yours, can we still be friends?" ask her when we read the notice board together.

He looked at me, "I hate you more, Dila! You're too eager to beat it, it makes me hate you!" said annoyed.

I was more confused about his attitude, I felt innocent but somehow he hated me all of a sudden. Later yesterday, I thought he also put his heart on me, but now he immediately hated me.

He walked away from me, I chased him, "Vin, what's wrong? Why do you suddenly hate me?" I grabbed her shoulder from behind for her to look at me but Alvin brusquely brushed my hand away.

"Dila, don't be in front of me, I'm sick of you!" alvin snapped and left.

Since then, I have not seen him. I heard from a schoolmate that Alvin moved out of town. 

There's no more Alvin in my life, he's gone without a trace. And slowly I forgot about it. But what I felt for Alvin and Zian was of course different, for Alvin it seemed that I admired his good looks and intelligence so much. And to Zian, it felt different, I don't know what the difference was. It's too complicated to explain.