Sharing Love: Is My Husband Yours?
Big Sins

I thought hard and resolved. I will not waste tonight, our last night in Bali. 'He's my husband, I need to know everything about him, ' my inner self.

'I have to prove it myself. All my doubts all along have to be answered.'

I sprayed perfume on my body, put pink peach lipstick on my lips, and tied up the long kimono-shaped nightgown I bought earlier.

'Before Darwin comes home soon, ' I thought as I glanced at the clock that showed at 8 p.m.

I'm tired of him keeping away from me. I just want to know the truth. Although, I can't deny I'm so nervous. What should I do if my suspicions are correct? Maybe he really doesn't like women.

I was so nervous that I forgot to put some of my clothes on the bed. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. I took a deep breath, then walked towards the door.

"Relsek!" I opened the door. Darwin was right in front of the door, still busy staring at the screen of his phone. He entered without looking at me in the slightest. Then, as the scent of perfume pierced his nose, he spontaneously said, "It smells so good."

He looked at me who was behind him. I was busy locking the door. Then, he walked and his gaze was fixed on the clothes on my bed.

"You're shopping for a swimsuit" he said.

"Yes," I replied briefly because of the embarrassment.

"You wear a hijab everyday. Why not buy a Muslim swimsuit?" ask Darwin. "Why buy a bikini like this?" He looked at the bikini that I forgot to clean.

"To swim with you." My answer made his eyes gawk at me.

I walked closer to him. Then, pull my kimonie strap open. I wore a micro bikini inside my kimono so that my body jewelry was so clearly visible.

Darwin was silent to my actions. He looked shocked and surprised. Meanwhile, I kept walking towards him even though my heartbeat was unceasingly jumping.

I stopped right in front of him, one step away from him. I said with a slight whisper, "Stop away from me!"

For a long time he was silent, looking at me, but I felt his breath hunting. I'm waiting for his reaction. I just want to know if he's a normal guy or not?

*****

I woke up from my sleep. Darwin was sleeping in his bed. I looked at him, the handsome man who became my husband.

'He's perfect, ' I thought. My guess is wrong, she's perfectly normal. He's a tough guy, he's destroyed my virginity with his power.

Last night I realized what I thought was wrong. He didn't stay away from me because he didn't like women. There must be something else hidden. But, what? Could it be that his heart has been filled to the brim by another woman, not mine.

Whoever that woman is, I will try to have my husband fully. I'm determined to keep my husband no matter what. I love him even though he doesn't love me. I don't know when that love grew. It all just happened without me knowing.

"I want to age with you" I murmured.

"What's wrong with you, Mom?" my many.

He just shook his head. Then, he stood up, walking towards the window. He opened the window curtain and stared at the vast beach before him. He opened one of the windows so that a cold wind from outside filled our room.

'What happened to Mas Darwin?' my thinking. He looks unhappy.

'Did he regret touching me last night?' my thinking. 'But, why?'

"Am I wrong, Mom?" tanyaku later. She just kept quiet and I continued saying, "Isn't it really the duty of the wife to serve the husband." However, he remained silent. I don't know what he's thinking. I don't get it.

But, what I caught from his manner and expression was regret. She regrets having committed a great sin, even though I am her eternal wife. 'What makes him feel that way?' I didn't think it through.

In fact, a husband should feel happy when his passion is satisfied, but not with Mas Darwin. In my heart I was disappointed. Darwin seemed to disrespect the sanctity I had given him. But to me, it is very valuable. My husband doesn't like me.

On the way home, Darwin did not open his voice. He avoided conversation with me. He was silent, not one bit willing to share what he experienced.

Now I'm pulling my own suitcase. We each packed our suitcases. He doesn't care about me anymore. The warm impression that I got when I was going to Bali I do not get anymore now. I could only remain silent along the way because I never got a response from him.

Arriving at Palembang we continued our journey home by riding a travel car. Then, the thing that surprised me happened. He chose to go down in Indralaya, not continue the journey back to Kayuagung.

"I have an urgent business. I'm sorry I couldn't accompany you back to Kayuagung. I'm going down here. You just continue your journey. The travel driver will take you home. No need to pay again. I paid for it" said Mas Darwin, and he left me.

I don't know why I feel like I'm being dumped. 'Why is my husband so long for me?' Feelings of fear, sadness, disappointment, anger mixed in my heart.

When I got home my mom asked me, "Well, where's Darwin? You're going home by yourself?"

I can't answer anything. My crying is unstoppable no more. I ran to the room, locked myself in it.

Mas Darwin's confused mother immediately called Mas Darwin. "Darwin, where are you? Why haven't you come home yet? Your wife's home."

"I'm going straight to work again tomorrow ma'am. There is a very important job that must be taken care of immediately. So, I was down in Indralaya, unable to go back to Kayuagung with Rania," replied Mas Darwin trying to hide the truth.

I'm sure what really happened was that Mas Darwin wanted to avoid me. Why does he want to stay away from me so much? This question hurts my heart. Am I not worthy to be his wife? Is there another woman out there who he hopes to be his wife? But why did he marry me?

I cried until my eyes were swollen in the room. Darwin really broke my heart. He doesn't love me at all. But I expect a lot from him. I was too naive and silly.

He even wants to assume I don't exist. "You really have the heart, Mas," I muttered.

I never thought it would hurt this much after I found out her true normalcy. Now I know he doesn't dislike women, he can't love women. It turns out that he's been acting like that all along because he just doesn't want to love me. He married me, but he didn't want to love me.

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