The actor? Who's Afraid!
Dreaming of Dad

"Remember, did Mas Zain promise to answer all my questions?"

After returning to my starting place on the left side bed, I still lay facing Zain, while he who was staring at the ceiling of the room slightly jolted as I called it, mas Zain.

"I'll ask you one question every day for three months. After that, maybe I won't ask anything more, or the more questions you'll answer, depending on your decision."

"You mean?" Curiosity seemed to make Zain turn his face to me.

"After three months, I'll be out of here. With or without your consent. About mama, I'll arrange it myself, you don't have to worry about anything."

"How old are you now?" he asked after positioning his body against me and making his right arm a pillow.

"Mas Zain, don't know my age? Ish ...." I'm disappointed.

"Born on July one 23 years ago. But I'm not sure of your mindset that goes beyond your age? You monopolize the year of your birth?!"

I smiled proudly, my husband at least knows when I first came into this world.

"I was made by circumstances."

I remember the incident that forced me to grow up earlier on what happened ten years ago.

On a clear afternoon, a tinge of twilight looks so beautiful coloring the sky that looks golden orange. The wind blowing gently tore off the yellowing leaves from its branches, not sparing my face was also caressed by it.

"Rayya!" Shouted the middle-aged man across the street while waving his hand at me who was sitting at a stop. I returned his hand with a smile.

I went to meet the man who was my first love. With a little struggle after several stops, waiting for the road back empty from the vehicle, I arrived at the man who was now in front of me.

"Want to get some ice cream?" Like the days before, he always offered me ice cream, but today I turned him down.

"Just go home! Rayya cape." I immediately piggybacked on his beloved butut motorcycle and wrapped my hand tightly around the waist of the man who was propelling his bike at medium speed.

"Where's the lesson?" Father half yelled for his voice to come to my ear.

"It sucks!" I answered that made my father laugh.

Three times a week, I had to take tutoring outside of school hours because my dad was pushy. Dad wanted me to graduate with a satisfactory grade, even though forced to learn however, my brain was stuck.

I still do my father's will even though I don't like it. My form of service to my father, as the only daughter he has always been proud of.

My mother died giving birth to me, so my father always told me, I was always spoiled so that I did not lose the mother figure in my life.

"Rayya dear Father," I said while smelling the smell of sweat attached to the clothes he was wearing. It is my habit to whisper softly on his back even though he did not hear, because it was blocked by the noise of passing vehicles.

"Dad is also dear Rayya," he replied, which made me look up to see my father's face in the rear view of the motorcycle.

"But Rayya will also find someone who loves Rayya like a father," he added again accompanied by his trademark smile, making me furrow eyebrows not understanding the meaning of his speech.

Nothing felt strange on the way home that afternoon, everything seemed ordinary until Dad suddenly shouted loudly. The motorbike he was driving passed the path he should have.

My father and I fell, my little body dragged fifty meters away. I still remember clearly when my body slammed to the shoulder of the right side road away from the father who was lying in the middle of the road.

"Dad!" I screamed as a truck at high speed approached him and ...

My head became very heavy when I saw a red-colored liquid splashing around my father, my chest tightened with a misty and then dark look.

I opened my eyes, as my heart beat. Sometimes it comes in my dreams like it's real. 'That's just a dream' my mummy held onto a chest that felt tight.

A hand touched my shoulder gently, pulled my body and buried my head in his chest. I immediately tightened my arms to the man who was now stroking my back, crying in my husband's arms.

Because of the dream I could not go back to sleep, after performing the evening prayer Zain had received, I rushed to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. While Zain opened his laptop, there was work that he had to finish.

"Ask one thing, I'll keep my promise."

I turned to Zain who was opening the refrigerator to get drinking water in it.

"It's too early to drink cold water, can I make you some tea?" bargain to him who wants to drink the water that is in his grasp, then undo it by returning it to the refrigerator.

"Can."

After making one cup of camomille tea, I brought it to Zain, who was still struggling with his laptop. I didn't see him carry that thing before.

"Your job is done?" I asked when Zain closed the laptop.

Zain nodded then sipped the tea in a cup. He put the empty cup back on the table.

"I haven't asked you anything!" I stared at the faint smile on her lips before moving from her seat.

"It's over!" the answer.

"Your job is done? I replied with a nod. Question today, done!" Then step out of the kitchen.

"I waited for you thirty minutes not to ask that question, Zain?!" I shouted hoping that Zain would hear from the distance of the kitchen to the adjoining living room.

"Why yell, Rayya." Mama who came out of her room reprimanded, making me wrong.

"No papa, Mah!"

"Mom want breakfast? Rayya's been cooking tamarind vegetables, sambel terasi and fried chicken." I offered my mother a shot while opening the food lid, showing her the results of my cooking.

"Hour finished cooking?" Mama furrowed her brows at the side dish on the dining table.

"Night Rayya can't sleep."

"It's still too early for breakfast, mommy will make tea for papa, we'll have breakfast together after dawn prayers."

"Let's just Rayya, Mah."

I was about to take a glass to prepare tea, but my mother told me to go back to the room to help prepare Zain's needs.

Is that a code that I'm always close to zain? I paused for a moment while I was at the door of the room.

"Bissmillah," I said after a sudden heartbeat accompanied by limp legs, hopefully this is not a sign of hunger because it is not accompanied by twitching eyes and a rumbling stomach.

Zain is usually taking a morning shower. I was worried that Dejavu was going on like before, hollowing into Zain's room and looking at the six boxes in his stomach.

I resolved to push the door slowly, not forgetting the other five fingers to close my eyes even in a state of distance. However ...

Why am I disappointed yes, after my prayer was granted so as not to repeat the same incident.

Astaghfirullah ...