THE BALLERINA SECRET LOVE
Part 15's. Can't Wait
I reluctantly entered the training room, disappointment made me feel like everything I was trying to do was in vain, I just wanted to stop. Why am I fighting for something as obvious as impossible to achieve.
Idealisms? The passion? It would make me regret not doing my best for my mother.
"What's wrong?" Nicholai saw me with my pale face entering the room. My slow steps reflected my broken heart.
"Nothing." I avoided it and started with my warm-up. For now however I have not been able to back down, there is still a staging debt.
"What's wrong?" He came in front of me with a face of disbelief.
"Nothing." I replied with a flat smile. I turned around and didn't want to talk about it.
"What you are is a lie. You all right? What exactly is going on. Talk me? Is there anything I can help you with." He grabbed my arm, twisted it and confronted me again, I don't really care about Nicholai's question. What he can do, he's done good to me, it's my problem that's not lucky enough, not good enough, not pretty enough.
Right now I am really discouraged, I am clearly questioning the path I am choosing now, whether I should stay here or choose another path, but I cannot think. There was still a performance I had to go through anyway, so I let myself go numb like this.
"There may be a next chance." He tried to cheer me up like Nicole. "Fragile now doesn't mean they don't consider you, the proof is that when I chose you as a partner, Philippe said you were one of the best first soloists they had. Don't despair yet."
"Yes, there may be another opportunity ahead. I'm fine." I just agree.
In the next two weeks he will be back at Bolshoi, I have to thank him for the opportunity he gave to perform with him, maybe this is the first and last time I can feel the appearance with so many pairs of eyes staring at me.
"Don't be too disappointed, there's another opportunity ahead." He's still trying to boost my spirits. I didn't answer it just smile. "It's okay not to wait two or three years though." I laughed when I heard what was said, while I felt what Ashley said was true that there was no point in me staying here.
"Well, let's just practice. You want to practice the variation you said, we need to talk to the music stylist?" I didn't respond to him, he's just an outsider who doesn't know what my condition is.
"Why wait? You've been struggling since the age of 5 what 1x disappointment makes you so pessimistic." He chased me knowing that I was ignoring his words.
"Nicholai, if I had two, three, or four years I would wait. But maybe I don't have time. My mom's sick, every month I probably don't have any money left on my hands. If I don't have this condition maybe I can wait like you said. But three years, umoat years, I don't know what would happen if I had an emergency but I don't have any money, now you understand why I can't wait."