Waiting for First Love to Return
Speaking From the Heart of Kehati

This evening Reyhan prayed magrib at home with me. After a week of marriage, this time praying together. Shaken together, continue to guarantee the prayer he said.

"So to my house, right? " Tanyaku was-was while removing the face. Afraid of heartache if my request was rejected. I have been holding back for a week to invite him to play at my house which is not too far away. Because he appreciates the busyness of him who teaches during the day, continue to teach tahsin for the fathers of the complex here. After the magrib there are still teenage children who sometimes come home to study. I still have no schedule for the day. Because every day.

"Yes." Yeah." Fold up the prayer mat and the holster, then grab the jacket. Not changing his clothes. Still wear long training pants and short shirts. "Want to eat first or eat there?" Ready to go.

"Find me a meal first. I said if you want to go there. I'm afraid there'll be no food either."

Abah aja eat dimasakin sister-in-law. Usually delivered only for a portion of it. But delivered three times a day, always change the menu.

"okkey. Come on." Come on." Holding my hand that has been wearing a hijab and a long robe. Do not forget to polish your face with makeup so that it looks fresher.

My eyes see hands that go together. Stop stepping because my focus moved on that rare sight.

"Why again?" Just ask when I stop, and follow my gaze in our hands.

"Is something wrong with this?" Lifting our arms and sighing in frustration. The new bride who is still stiff is that yak?

"Neither go with it." Ketusku and pull the hand he held.

"alright. Yok road. Not so go later if you fuss about such trivial things." Pushing me to the road with the hand that's now changing my shoulder.

Cooperate with aja lazy, let alone embraced this? I moved my shoulders to shoo her hands away, but still remained in place. And pull it down, but still go up again.

"Udah. He said he wanted to go to Abah's house. Later abah sad you if you see the newlyweds but not friendly." To force me to obey.

"From later on, do you ask questions about the state of the household? Meningan explained with attitude before the question was spoken." Further explained.

Just reason anyway. But there's a point as to what Reyhan said. I must have wondered if I was still keeping my distance from my husband.

"Yes, that's what it is. There's no brother here." My protest.

"Exercise."

"I'm permission for Mother first." He went and went into his mother's room. I didn't come in, chose to wait in the guest room.

Tonight we went back to eating out. And again had to ride his big motorbike. But tonight I'm getting comfortable hugging her from behind. Even dare to lean his head on his wide back, so as not to be too cold hit by the night wind. Silence, no story, no conversation. Let me enjoy this togetherness for a moment. Trying to recognize the taste I have.

Reyhan tonight no longer invites me to eat on the side of the road. Choose a restaurant that is more comfortable to enjoy the night this week. Create a romantic impression in a very exclusive place.

Only the two of us sat facing each other in this room. Waiting for the order to arrive. Still quiet. I am more interested in paying attention to the spatial order and design of the room that is very comfortable to look at. Not bored at all.

"Next in front of Abah don't say yes." His ink broke the silence.

"Truuss?" From yesterday the feeling always discussed the call.

"Yes what is it. What matters is not the name. Poor abah." Clearly slowly.

Huh huh? Why feel sorry for you, anyway? Why would I call him a name.

"Pity why?"

"Yes just pity. I must be sad because I feel like I failed to educate my children. He is a good educator. Cook her own son call husband by name? It doesn't reflect a person who understands grammar."

"Too show that you are married to me because you have to. Still not sincere?" Leaning towards me. Ask in a low, yet stressed voice.

Why so serious like this? And a face that usually looks adorable at home, why is it so cold? His eyes shone with a sense of complete disillusionment and disappointment.

"Heh. Who told? Who would dare force me?" Answer with another question. Sit back up straight. Staring straight at me with a stern look. I'm now so scared to see those normally pleasant eyes, now it's scary.

"The word people. Didn't you marry me so you wouldn't be lonely? Marry me so that Mommy will take care when left for work?" My words express the thing that had previously stuck in the heart.

Brakes. "What the hell do you mean? Who said that?" Crashing table. Not accept my accusation. His eyes glittered, even now he was standing looking at me.

I swear I was surprised by his reaction. Beyond prediction. But what's wrong with my words? I want to ask the truth of the news.

Not accusing me. Just wanted to confirm that truth. More like to ask the truth. I have chosen the most polite word compared to Beti's words this afternoon.

"I'm just asking. If not, then don't be angry. If you're angry, the sign is yes." Brave reply. Who did he dare to scold me? Abah who took care of me for so many years could count my snapping fingers. La this? Just got the responsibility of taking care of me a week already use snapping.

Food arrived. Which made Reyhan sit back and try to take a deep breath to neutralize the emotions.

"I accepted this marriage because of my advice. There is no love in my heart for you. I don't even know much about you and your life. But I learned to be a good wife. There is no hidden purpose in accepting this marriage. Even I was willing to give up my job that I had dreamed of for the sake of being a good wife. Feel enough about what you give."

"But don't force me to do something I can't yet fulfill. Let me slowly fulfill my duties and obligations. Don't force me. I just don't want my efforts to be wasted and unappreciated. So I decided to stop trying. Don't let me choose to turn."

"I know I'm not a perfect woman. Many defects and shortcomings. But I want to be chosen as a wife because I deserve to be a wife. Not for any other reason. I never beg to marry you." Obviously I'm long at width.

Reyhan just silently looked at me, letting the food go. Seemed his emotions had gone down, marked his breathing was normal again. Staring at me who looked down to stir the food.

"I want to marry you without any coercion from anyone. Although initially it was a recommendation from Mother. But I accept without coercion. " Refinitely Reyhan with a long sigh. Start feeding before it gets cold.

"But Beti said..." My voice's cut.

"You trust him more than I do?" He asked with a head. But with a soft voice back.

"I don't know the truth. That's why I want to know from the directly concerned."

"She doesn't want to take care of Mother at all. That's why I hired a nurse for Mommy." Clearly, it was paused because of the food feed.

"Where is he going?" I don't believe it. The feeling from the beginning I entered the house that there was no nurse for Mother.

"A month ago permission for leave due to young pregnant teler. Want to find a replacement for while Mother does not want. He wants to be treated with children, he said. But Beti would not help. Preparing to eat often buy fast food. Delevery or online food. Mother would not eat her cooking. It's not good she said." Put the spoon, but the food is not finished.

"But I'm happy. Mother seems to enjoy her time and can smile again when there is you. And thank you for helping me take care of my mother. I never regretted choosing you. I'm thrilled. I'm proud to have a wife like you."

"Yes. Masamas. I'm also happy to take care of Mommy. It feels like having a mother again. Even Mother is softer and more loving.well, even though she has to sit in a wheelchair." Sincerely said. I am proud to have a husband like him.

"Qodarullah's. And sorry yes. Because you married me, you had to quit your job. But I don't forbid you from working anymore just as close as here. Even though I wish you were a housewife anyway."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you. I can't take it to say that. I'm still quite capable of paying people to take care of Mommy. Although it doesn't refuse if anything is free." It ends with a sinless grin.

"That means what I said, too." My words are self-defense.

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