Waiting for First Love to Return
Preparation

I'm back to work as usual. All matters of preparation for the wedding party at the handle by the groom and abah.

Nothing changes in my every day. Though soon I'll be Reyhan's wife. But still a photo of Arfan who has always been my lullaby. His face and smile are still running around in my brain. Waiting for the miracle to arrive. Hope he comes before Ijab kabul is promised.

Days changed by week. Two weeks have passed, Still no special interaction between me and the future husband. Other than because I was in town, Reyhan never said hello even though only by phone and chat. There was never a good morning or good night like Arfan used to be. No phone calls, let alone vidio calls.

Only once did Reyhan send a message. It also concerns the printing of invitations, and the names that will be invited from the bride's side. That'sallthatis. And me? I don't intend to say hello first. Even the wedding dress business I didn't interfere at all.

I didn't go home this weekend either. Choosing to spend time traveling in the city. Lazy preoccupied by the preparation of the party if you go home. I only have a week left to be free. Enjoy freedom before becoming a wife. The show is actually two weeks away. But a week before H day I should have taken a leave of absence and sat sweetly at home.

I don't want to want to. Sincerely sincere, I have to study sincerely. Do you believe in a soul mate? A soul mate is sure to have love, right? But love is not necessarily a soul mate. Does my love for Arfan not make destiny unite us in a soul mate?

"Ar, where are you?" I looked at the waves that hit the reef. Sitting alone enjoying the twilight on the beach. In the past when there was Arfan, I often saw the sunset with him on the beach.

"Is there really no more love for me? But why can't I forget you? You're evil, Ar. I hate you."Exciting on the beach. If he were here, I would want to shout and curse him who left after having taken all my heart. It makes me this dilemma.

Grasping the pebbles and throwing them in the middle of the sea. Emotions and hurt. Sob softly, and sit on a large, composed rock blocking the abrasion. Hugging my own feet to unravel the tightness.

"Would you like to stay here tonight?" The unlicensed baritone voice sat beside me.

I'm turning. It turns out there's Reyhan here. Why did he stray here?

"Is there a problem?" He caught my wet eyes. I looked straight back. It's not that I don't appreciate the person who is right next to me. But I still want to be alone. Ignoring question. He's not forcing either.

"Why are you here?" Ketusku without seeing it. Actually, he's not wrong. I don't know why I hate this guy. She's the one who made me have to force me to learn to forget the person I've been waiting for so long.

"There was a training event."

I still stared at the slowly disappearing sun. Leave a tinge of orange strung.

"Where are you far from here?"

"Nwgk"

"Find the mosque first yok. That's adzan."

Without protest I comply. It is time for Magrib.

After the prayer, we are now looking for food together. After a long time of being alone and keeping my distance from men, I now eat with another man. Usually the friend eats the most abah and Marta, or Rena my office friend. I don't know why I remember Arfan again, and again.

In the past, when Reyhan's application show seemed very nervous to face me. But now he's more relaxed. Even though I noticed earlier he didn't see me. Always disconnecting eye contact even though we are now sitting face to face. Even a lot of silence.

"Rey." Call me. Anxious to see it that was difficult just to see me. Am I far from beautiful? Until he was so reluctant to see?

"Hemmzmzmzm. " Lifting my head to look at me, put down the phone that turned out to be seen from earlier.

Ow, did he play hp? Is it more interesting than me?

Uh, why should I not accept being questioned? Didn't I expect more from this relationship? Still hoping a lot of Arfan will come before the wedding?

"Why?" He asked confused, seeing me who was still silent. I am happy with my own heart and mind.

"What's wrong? Why are you so nervous?" Ah, but he only saw me for a moment, then turned to see cars passing from transparent glass.

"Ehkk." Dehemku slowly, regain consciousness." Can I ask you something?"

"Can."

"Why did you choose me?" My toot. I don't know why I asked that? I wonder why he chose me older than him. We also rarely met. So don't tell me about love. See me that's it? He's pretty handsome and well-established. Surely many younger women are willing to be his companion.

Quiescent. Reyhan was silent without answering. Some of our food orders came, which distracted attention.

"Good meal ."

Try to say good-bye to the other person, not just the food you see. Not just because he's my husband. But whoever it is. I hate it both but ignored, he chooses to pay attention to the others.

I had no intention of continuing the discussion. Don't want to hear the reason. Choose to go home immediately after the stomach is full.

Reyhan drove me to my apartment building. Lack of work indeed. Because we kept riding each other's vehicles.

____

Now is the time for me to apply for leave, as well as give an invitation to a work colleague.

After work I went straight home. Even from morning you have repeatedly called to ask when to go home. Marta has gone home, the time of her bride has not? So said the protest when I stepped back home. Marta righteousness during the holidays, so go home first.

Four days I'll change by one hundred.

I drove the car slowly, without any heat. The more days of hope to live with Arfan eroded away. Until now he has not been seen. I take a rough breath when I remember everything that happened.

Till the night house. My humble home has been conjured up with a lot of decorations. A large tent has been installed in the home. In the house there are many items, far from the word clean and neat. Not to mention in the kitchen full of food and snacks. In fact, this late Marta and sister Ina were making cookies helped by the neighbors. And Abah? maybe it's resting.

A wedding in that village? All done by yourself. If in the city all handed over to the on-duty, food order so. As long as there's money all settled.

"Cushions?" Sapaku to the cool kitchen dwellers cook while gossiping, plus nyemil cake that has been cooked.

"Yes that. I defend softly for my brother. I have to change tomorrow, if I get married." Martha answered.

"Weddings break there. Can't be tired." Said the neighbor who helped. Forbidden me to help.

"Yes. His energy was saved for day H." Connect the other. Brother Ina just smiled and gently rubbed my back. He knows I'm ashamed of being bullied.

"I'm resting first." My body is tired of using so much after work directly tancap gas back home.

During the day more people came to help cook the preparation of the event. Cooking for guests. Also make a cake dish. And I can't help. Being a bride is spoiled for once, right?

Now comes the last night I'm going to be a bride. My room has changed shape. It has been decorated to become beautiful and attractive. But still not making my eyes interested.

I couldn't sleep all night. Look at the screen of the phone that shows the past photos. I hope there will be a miracle coming. But the miracle never existed.

"Ikhlas is heavy, Ar. It's heavy for me to let you go. Heavy to accept this marriage with sincerity and airy chest. Because the heart is still unwilling. " My eyes are accompanied by flowing tears.