Waiting for First Love to Return
Been Hitched

"Yes. Maybe it's a sign of fate that must happen." He said it by breathing out rough breaths. Ducking in , turning sits facing the flushed lake refracting the twilight sunlight. I pulled the hand that had been in his hand since. He also did not force.

"When did you move to this area?" The question made me look at it for a moment. Think on.

"About three months ago." Answer me for what it is.

"Change home?"

"Home."

"Can I stop by? I want to see you."

"You want to see me come to Abah's house." Miris answered.

What the hell does this mean? Does he think I'm still at home waiting for his uncertain arrival? Refuse every man who comes to ask? Is love the only condition for marriage? In fact, I can still live a household life with the man I just met, when this love still has it.

"meaning?" He asked confused, guessing what my answer meant. Sit back staring at me intensely. He felt the worst possible thing he didn't want.

Tired and sick body that I felt was yawning. Defeated pain in a very stifling heart. Wanting to be angry and cursing, want to also hug tightly to let go of the restrained longing. But I am not strong enough to realize. Silence and silence are options. Don't know what to explain to Arfan. Can't afford to throw away her obvious happiness when she meets me again. It was so noticeable that he missed me and felt guilty for disappearing without any news. Although it seems that he did not intend to explain the reason for leaving without news.

drrt drrt

Draining the cell phone stored in my bag. I saw Amel just sitting back to us, and occasionally glancing in fear and worry. I can guess what he's worried about.

"sorry. I'll pick up the phone first." I'm willing to take a call that turns out to be from Reyhan. But I didn't move, I sat there.

Arfan greeted me with a smile.

"Assalamualaik." My regards when the call is connected.

"Waalaikum salam. Honey, where are you now?" Reyhan's voice sounded worried, I lyrics Arfan just saw me without a sound.

I swallowed a rough spit. How explain?

"I'm still in the water." I answered trying as normal as possible. Even though my heart beats above normal. I must have been scared until Reyhan found out I met the ex. Although I don't know for sure if Reyhan knows that Arfan is my ex.

"Not home yet? Is it not yet the problem? Do I need to follow you there?" Reyhan's voice still sounded worried. Surely he already knows where I go and what to do, because Mother must be the story. Maybe he's worried about my poor health.

"Nggk. It's done already. It's also the way home." My answer was trying to calm down, I saw Arfan seemed to frown at my words.

"Related to papa? Or am I picking up the car? You usually have a dizzy head in the afternoon. "

"Nggk. I'm safe with Amel, don't worry. Just wait for me to come home." My answer.

"Yes that's it. Spots home. I want this magrib."

"Yes. Assalamualaikum." Greetings, without waiting for my immediate answer to close.

I saw Amel standing up after seeing his cell phone. "Udah was told to go home." He gave me a code to go home. Maybe he also got an order from Reyhan to take me home immediately.

"Yes." Yeah." I answered, I saw Amel walking first towards the parked motorbike not far from where we were sitting.

"Sorry, Ar. I have to go home." My pamit.

"You don't want to explain to me first? There are many things I don't know yet. " She objected to letting me go.

"About what?" My daughter who gathers energy to walk alone, for Amel has gone first.

"About a lot of things. My question you haven't answered. Which you have not answered yet. Is there something you're hiding from me?" Her words held me.

"Sorry, I never meant to hide anything from you. The problem is, your long departure. Who missed so many stories in my life. And I don't know what part you want to know, and what you don't need to know." Reply lazily. More precisely lazy to remember all the painful things after the departure of Arfan. Everything in my life was painful after her disappearance. Now I'm starting to learn to live a new life, to accept the new people in my life. But why did he come? Which makes me waver to hold on or come back. Even though my brain has a definite answer. But my heart still doubts.

"Who called? And what does that mean, house? Do you have your own home?" Ask him what he wants to know.

" Oh, the one who called was my husband. And why am I here? Because of my husband. And you're still in our old house. I think that's enough to explain everything, right?" My answer is right at the point.

Sooner or later shouldn't Arfan know? Rela or not willing I have tied the wedding vows and Arfan must find a substitute woman to fill his heart. Even though I am married, I still have her name in my heart. How could I possibly force him to move on? When I failed to do it myself.

I saw Arfan shocked by my answer, seemingly in disbelief.

"You lied? I listened wrong?" Convincing question. Afraid of hearing wrong.

"I'm not lying. I got married three months ago." I answered, but I tried hard.

his eyes stared blankly with muttering the word married over and over. And sit back with your face turned cloudy. Lost was a cheerful and regretful look earlier.

With a heavy heart and suppressed all pity and heartlessness I stepped away leaving him still speechless. He didn't hold me back at all, didn't even see me go. He looked down at the black ground below.

"One more." I turned to face him. "Don't bother me anymore, and don't meet me. Find a better woman as my replacement. Looking at you now, I'm sure it's not hard for you to find my replacement." I warned. More precisely looking for safety.

It's hard to actually have a man we love choose another woman as a companion. But this is a necessity, not a choice. I can't leave Reyhan and move on to Arfan. I couldn't have chosen that. I don't want to disappoint Abah and Mommy, even though my own heart has to be disappointed in return. Disappointment can not be compared with the man of dreams and dreams. But I can what? Should I be selfish?

"For me, you are the best woman. Nothing's better." Answer with a slow murmur. Not seeing me at all. It was so sad to see him who was so disappointed. Want to hug and strengthen, but it's impossible isn't it?

"You just haven't tried." I answered, then left the place.

Without being ordered Amel immediately forwarded his motorbike when I was riding. Without asking much questions, letting me lean my head against her shoulder.

"Cry if you want to cry." His words that felt the tightness of my embrace, and heard the sobbing held back from me.

"Don't tell my husband about all that. If I were healthy and strong, I wouldn't be hugged so much. He just helped me not fall." I gave a warning, and gave a reason for the incident. But it doesn't need to be explained. I'm sure Amel can already guess what happened from our conversation. The reason I'm just explaining that I want to cover up.

"Yes, mbk. I'm sure you didn't intend to meet him earlier, right? Mbk certainly did not know at first who wanted to meet. "The answer was obedient, not blaming me at all. I'm not wrong, am I?

"Thank you. Until someone knows about it. You're the biaser."

"I can keep secrets. Mbk if I want to vent I am also ready to cry. Must hurt, don't you have a problem keeping it to yourself?" Slow down the motor.

"I don't want stories anymore, I just want to cry. " My answer is with isak.

"Crying is mbk, if it can make mbk more calm."