Winter in Hokkaido
Chapter 8: The Taste

Last night I could barely sleep, because I kept thinking about Mayumi. I didn't expect him to express his feelings to me in just a few meetings. While I have not felt any feelings for him, other than the liking as an ordinary friend. I also had to be honest about it. Honesty makes a mistake sometimes, but it's better than planting a time bomb through a lie.

This afternoon I was planning to head downtown to fix my phone which suddenly died completely after coming home from Mount Moiwa. Maybe this phone has reached its service life or the effects of a fall at Soetta Airport used to spread now.

I've been using iPhone 6s for five years. Although many mobile phone output every year even every month is sophisticated and luxurious, I still prefer to use this phone. The size fits, very ergonomic in the grip. As long as it's usable, I won't buy a new phone. Although each phone has different specifications according to its price range, but for my use only all. I'm not a gamer, nor do I love photography. I use a smartphone according to its basic function, phone, sms, browsing, and entertainment.

I headed to Uncle's study to ask permission. “Uncle, Ken wants to go to the city center first yes.”

“For what?” Uncle looked astonished.

“Ken's phone broke from last night. Ken wants to try to fix it” explained me while showing my phone.

“Try Uncle see!”

I handed my phone to Uncle. Uncle was seen twirling the phone. He also slightly turned his lips.

“Young phone is outdated like this. Lose the same Uncle”, said Uncle while showing his iPhone which is the latest release.

“This phone saves a lot of stories, Uncle.”

Yes, in the phone is stored the history of messages and recorded phone conversations with Dave. Many pictures of him were also captured by the camera phone. I wanted to erase everything. But I am not fully ready. So, the solution only reduces the frequency of opening the files.

“Ya already, let Uncle accompany.” Uncle offered to.

“No Uncle, Ken can go alone.” I don't want to trouble Uncle.

“Yakin? What do you want with Mayumi? But he's coming home to Fukouka.”

Mayumi's coming home to Fukouka? Is it because of last night?

“Mayumi go home?” many ensure.

“You don't know?” Uncle looked astonished. Then, he stared at my phone in his grasp. “Oh yes, your phone is broken. Maybe he called but didn't connect.”

Mayumi doesn't have my number. Except for Uncle who gave it to me. But we also never interact through the digital world . He always comes straight to this hotel.

“Why is he coming home?” I'm trying to figure it out.

“Uncle also don't know. Uncle knows from his father. Em...maybe she misses her mother”

“Oh, so. Thank goodness!” I let out a breath.

“Why, Ken?” Uncle seemed suspicious when he saw me sigh.

“It's okay. Oh yeah, Ken's right it's okay to go alone, Uncle.” I try to focus back on the conversation.

“You again want to own?”

“It's not like that either. Ken just doesn't want to interrupt Uncle's work.”

“You see Uncle is relaxed. Come on, let's go now. We had lunch there.”

I also agreed with a nod. I really hope my phone can be fixed.

Arriving in the city center, Uncle immediately invited me to the mobile phone service center. He left my phone, and then we headed to the foodcourt.

The place is not too crowded. If in Jakarta like ITC Roxy Mas, but here more neat and orderly.

While going through the phone stand, Uncle kept offering me a new phone. I refused it subtly. If my phone can't be repaired, I'll buy a new one. Surprisingly, Uncle prayed that my phone could not be repaired. I laughed, reassuringly that bad prayers would not be answered.

After lunch we went back to where my phone was fixed. My uncle talked to the technician. Then, Uncle said my phone was completely beyond repair. Many components have died and are useless if repaired, because it will cost the new one.

Hearing Uncle's explanation, I suspected he was making things up. He didn't want my phone back to work. They also speak Japanese which I don't understand at all.

I asked the technician in English. Fortunately he understood and was able to answer my question, albeit a little stammered.

The technician explained the same thing that Uncle had told me earlier. I keep asking him to fix it no matter what service fees will be charged. However, he said his spare parts were empty. They must pre-order to its center in Tokyo or import from China. It can take days or even weeks.

Uncle mocked me a little. I'm sorry to him. There is no meaning to prejudice is not good. I just thought Uncle was cheating on me.

Then I went to some other cell phone counters. The answer is the same as the first place I went. Finally, I felt desperate and stopped going around.

“Ken, Uncle tired. Buy a new one, huh?” Uncle held his knee.

“Ken said Uncle just wait.”

“Not everyone here can speak English, Ken. Uncle doesn't want you to be emotional, because they don't understand what you mean.” I feel guilty for my uncle. He followed me to become a translator. He was so worried about me.

I had a lot of emotions, because some technician said I was stubborn. It seemed like he noticed me moving from one counter to another and reaching him. He said, if at the previous counter only the bigger one did not exist, at the small counter where he might exist. I considered insulting him. Obviously I don't accept. Not a single thought about it came to pass.

“We bought a phone to the counter that was there only yes!” point Uncle to the counter that looks crowded.

“Lain times yes, Uncle.” I am no longer interested in buying a new phone. “Ken also does not need it too much.”

“Ken, what if your Aunt or Mayumi wants to contact you?”

Uncle kept forcing. If I keep resisting, he might be disappointed.

When he arrived at the counter shown earlier, Uncle immediately asked for the latest mobile phone output. He was the one who was so enthusiastic. But, again, I don't understand Uncle's chat with the counter sales.

“You like what color, Ken?”

“Black.” I'm trying to see another cell phone.

When I had dropped the choice of the phone that I thought was right for me, Uncle suddenly patted me on the shoulder.

“Come, we're home!”

I saw Uncle already carrying a goodie bag containing a smartphone. He gave it to me right away.

“Uncle, Ken doesn't need a phone this expensive.” I was a little complaining. Yes, because I know the phone that Uncle bought for a motor matic in Indonesia. In fact, I had chosen a phone with a price of one-fifth of what Uncle bought.

“Say the items that have been purchased cannot be refunded. Can only exchange new if it turns out in one week found defect.” My uncle laughed at my complaint.

We returned to the hotel and arrived at 05:00. It turned out that we were in the city center too. The trip back and forth took 2 hours, meaning the rest I took Uncle to visit many counters about 3 hours. Naturally Uncle complained tired. To fix my phone, I forgot about time. Life is like this, right?! We will never want to see the time when fighting for something valuable in our lives.

“Uncle, tonight Ken sleeps at the hotel. Can, right?” I asked when I entered the hotel.

“Sure. Uncle will deliberately prepare a room if at any time you want to stay here.”

“Thank you very much, Uncle.”

I rushed to the room. Shedding a tired body, because the journey and the reality of my phone can't be fixed. I closed my eyes a little, then the drowsiness spread until unconscious sleep.

I woke up when the phone rang. It turned out that one of the receptionist staff offered to deliver dinner. I also agreed, because I felt lazy to leave the room. Before long, an officer knocked on the door.

After eating, I started to open the phone that Uncle bought earlier. I tried to grab my broken phone hanging in a jeans pocket. However, I was shocked when I saw my simcard was not in the slot. I never opened it. I tried to find it in every pocket of pants. It can't seem to just disappear.

I became upset. Did it fall when my phone opened at the repair shop? But it's impossible to go back there. I can't be sure at the counter where my simcard is missing.

After so many times sighing and calming down, I tried sincerely. Maybe I should replace with this country's operator's simcard.

Then, I was forced to leave the room to ask the hotel staff where the simcard sales are still open. Because of his place to be far away, he was willing to deliver.

Should I change my citizenship as well and my Japanese course? It seems that the desire to stay forever in this country is increasingly realized little by little, although accompanied by some unintentional elements.

All the files on my old phone are connected to iCloud. So, even if my phone is broken, I don't lose any important data.

But I'm having trouble logging into my iCloud. Yeah, I forgot the password. I repeat many times with the same password, but always appear information if the password I enter is invalid. How did this happen?! All my accounts have the same password. It was because I realized that I was forgetful. Right, I'm forgetful.

I never changed my iCloud password. I tried using the password forgot help, but no notification came into my email. I kept on repeating until I was exhausted.

My mood is not good today. Something just pisses me off. But, he said, bad days are getting worse, because we do not try to calm down for a moment to improve the atmosphere. So I dropped to the bed to calm my mind.

After a few minutes, my mind calmed down, I tried again. I remember! The account I used for iCloud was a special account I created by inserting Dave's name. Even with his password which is the nickname Dave during college, intelligence.

He got the nickname, so because his appearance using glasses more make him look as a member of the FBI. Another reason, even though he is wearing glasses, but his appearance is always trendy and fashionable.

After iCloud opened, the first thing I did was browse the Gallery. I saw pictures of Dave from the latest to the beginning of college. The physical changes from thin to proportional like now make me miss watching it. Time feels so fast.

I don't stop smiling at these virtual memories. Hah, when looking at the past, we must always want to be able to go back to that time. Repeating or repairing it.

My smile slowly turned to sadness, accepting the fact that what I was staring at on my phone was a memory that was impossible to repeat. Even for the same bit it feels impossible. Dave asked me to forget. I can't even call him. If his wife asks like that, I still have hope,

Then, I moved on to WhatsApp messaging history. I barely scrolled up to reread the first message.

But when I half read, I decided not to continue. I should be able to move on. This will only make it harder for me to move on from the reason I left Indonesia

***

While I was preparing breakfast in the kitchen, my phone kept ringing. Who called so early. All I know is my Uncle and Aunt. But Uncle was sleeping. Coulda Aunty?

I don't see Aunt's number. I'm becoming more curious.

“Halo..” my sap.

“Halo, Ken. How are you?” His voice looks cheerful.

“Mayumi?” many ensure.

“Ah, I'm glad you recognized my voice.”

“Ken, I just got home from Fukouka. I miss you. Later in the day we walk yes, I pick you up to hotel.” I imagined her face. He spoke like nothing had happened before with me.

“Ii.iya.” At first I was a little doubtful. However, I did not want to destroy his mood like at the restaurant at that time.

“OK. See you!” Mayumi hung up.

I haven't been able to ask where he got my number. Ah, the culprit is definitely Uncle.

On-time. Uncle woke up when I wanted to interrogate him. Breakfast is also available.

“August, Uncle!” I said before I started asking.

“Every day you serve a delicious breakfast. Which woman will not feel lucky to be your wife.” His life I saw was not yet fully gathered, but already dared to tease me.

“It's Uncle, better Uncle wash face first. It's still too early to mock. After all that Ken cooks every day is just instant ramen and Tamagoyaki. What exactly is Uncle being insinuating?”

Uncle laughed as he approached. I didn't take the time to ask.

“Uncle gives Ken number to Mayumi?” Uncle looked surprised and did not take the Tamagoyaki piece.

Tamagoyaki if in Indonesia can be equated with omelet. The difference is that it is rolled thicker, and when cut into small parts it is seen to form a layer. Characteristic Tamagoyaki itself is still soft texture, not dry like an omelet.

“Iya,” answered innocently.

“Why not talk to Ken?”

“What's really why? You and Mayumi already know each other.”’

“But Uncle..” I did not continue my words. Considering we are eating breakfast as an energy supply starting the morning.

“Im sorry, Uncle!” Uncle scowled a little. Maybe he was a little offended I asked that.

I also tried to neutralize the situation by taking a piece of Tamagoyaki into his ramen bowl. Hah, so I feel guilty instead.

***

Mayumi took me out to lunch. When I asked Uncle for permission, he looked very happy. It became clear that Uncle was planning to match me with Mayumi implicitly. There was just this uncle.

On the way to the restaurant I asked where Mayumi was these few days. He also told me that he went back to Fukouka to see his mother. The reason is simple, miss. But I'm not entirely sure of the reason, I feel there's another reason.

He, then, told me if his mother was a lecturer. He and his father had to travel every week from Hokkaido to Fokuoka to get together. Sometimes, his mother visits here if he is not busy. Work made him unable to get together with his father and mother every day. The hotel his father runs here is a decades-old family legacy, which was previously just an inn. It has now grown into a magnificent hotel. Therefore, his father could not just let his hotel managed by others.

Then, I asked him about his reasons for studying in Indonesia. He also explained that everything happened unintentionally. At first, he was curious about Bali. He found out about Indonesia. Then, ask his parents to send him to school in Indonesia only. His father and mother disagreed, but there was a cousin who had lived and worked in Jakarta as a professional cook. Mayumi asked her cousin for help. Thanks to his cousin, his parents allowed him to study in Jakarta.

For Mayumi, living far away with both parents is common. He has been doing it since Junior High. She attended a girls' school and lived in a dormitory. So, when he was able to get out of that circle by studying in Indonesia, he felt very happy. According to him, his mother was disappointed because she hoped her son would enter the University of Tokyo or the University of Hokkaido. Both are the best universities in Japan. But his father tried to be open-minded, he did not want to put too much pressure on his young adult puppets. Plus the advice from his cousin that everyone should be given the opportunity to choose in order to feel freedom in life.

During his stay in Indonesia, he also said it was very comfortable. Indonesians are very friendly, he said. Although the road is jammed and the governance of garbage that is still not optimal becomes a scene that somewhat disturbs his eyes. But overall, he is happy to be in Indonesia.

Mayumi kept telling me, and I really liked listening. I am not a person who easily tells a friend or a new person. It took me a long time to be flexible with someone.

After lunch, Mayumi drove me back to the hotel. He also told me that the day after tomorrow he would go to Tokyo to meet his best friend during High School. He said his best friend was preparing for the wedding, and he was asked to help.

Mayumi asked me to drive her to the airport if I didn't mind. I also expressed my willingness. There was a feeling of guilt running through my mind, for rejecting her declaration of love. He looks as usual, or tries as usual. Whatever it is, I don't want to disappoint her anymore. He introduced me to this city very well.

As she was about to get off the car, Mayumi said an apology. “Ken, I'm sorry for what happened that night. I can't control my feelings.”

I was confused as to what to respond to. I saw his face suddenly painting novelty.

“I'm the one who should be apologizing. Thank you for acting as usual.”

“But, what I said back then was honest from my heart, Ken,” he said while holding my hand. I wanted to avoid it, but I was worried that he would be offended.

“I also said the truth. I can't yet.”

“Means there is still a possibility?”

“Sorry May, I can't be sure.”

“Do you have a lover?” His eyes looked teary.

“But.”

“Is there someone you like?”

I can't answer that question. We were quiet for quite a while. Mayumi shifted my face to look at her. I turned my eyes away, not wanting to dissolve in the nuances he created.

“It looks like Uncle is waiting for me. You want to come by?” I was quite pounding as I shifted the subject and tried to take my hand out of his grasp.

“I went straight to Papa.”

“OK, then be careful!”

When my feet hit the ground, I saw him tear. “Thank you, May!” pamitku while smiling. He replied with a wordless smile.

I already suspected that her return to Fokuoka yesterday had something to do with me. I can't be dishonest about how I feel about him. Should I keep my distance from him? I don't want him to keep hoping, while I'm still plagued by my abnormal feelings.

“Ken, where's Mayumi?” Again and again Uncle surprised me, and now he's doing it in the lobby.

“Uncle, Ken please do not be too often startled like this,” said lethargic. “Jantung Ken is only one, can Uncle reconnect if it breaks?”

“Uncle also please this handsome Uncle's nephew don't daydream too often.” My uncle laughed at me.

As I was about to respond, my phone rang.

“Who, Ken?” ask Uncle.

“Aibi,” my answer is flat.

When the phone was placed in the ear, I immediately greeted.

“Halo, Aunty, How are you?”

“Bibi good news. How are you doing there? Aunty heard you were close to a woman huh? Auntie was very happy to hear the news.” Aunt's voice was indeed imagined sumringah.

I glanced at Uncle. Who else if not Uncle who tried to match me, then spread this news. As I was about to ask, he immediately waved his hand and left.

“Ken is fine too. When did Uncle Yamamoto and Keigo get home, Auntie?”

“Keigo should be home next week. But he instead asked permission to vacation with his friends first, even though he knew his mother was alone here. If it's his father, maybe next month can just go home. Currently sailing in New Zealand.”

I tried to divert the conversation and it seemed to work.

“What Auntie didn't tell them Ken was here?”

“Already. But Keigo asked you to pick him up to Nara, while his father tried to negotiate in order to be given an early holiday to celebrate the new year here.”

“Talk to Keigo later Ken to there, Bi.”

“Tno need to respond. He's a little naughty. While on vacation instead of accompanying her mother, she chose to be with her friends. Auntie knows, she asked you to pick you up so you could take a longer vacation. You always follow his will. Let Auntie come over there and drag her home.” Auntie was nagging.

“Alright then.”

“Oh yes, when are you going to Tokyo?”

“How about Auntie bring Keigo here? Aunt also needs a vacation.” I made another offer.

“Oh, because you are close to a group of women there, so do not want to leave it? How far along are you?”

It turned out that my offer had borne Aunt's memory of the previous topic. Ah, I don't want to talk about this.

“Abibi, later Ken phone back yes. Uncle called!” I had to find a reason to end the conversation.

“Ya if you don't want to tell.” Aunt hung up the phone.

***

Two nights ago I asked Uncle for permission to sleep in a hotel. I feel like I need some time alone. My mind is back on fire.

I drove Mayumi to the airport this morning. He's not what he used to be. His mouth was tightly closed. Not a lot of conversation. I consider it an acceptance process for us to be just ordinary friends.

Mayumi is perfect enough to be a couple. I believe many men are trying to steal his heart. But when he conveyed his feelings to me, I refused him. I didn't even think of starting to like her as my future escort candidate. Eyes can admire. Unfortunately, the heart cannot be forced.

I remember when Fay accused me of being gay. I was lured to prove to him that it wasn't true. Ah, I don't need to remember that incident anymore. What's wrong with me?

I never thought I'd be able to live with Dave forever. It wasn't that she was married, but rather that I realized she had to have a normal life. Yeah, a normal life. The living phase of birth allows children to enjoy playtime. Then, the time to study for the future. Continued period of work as a necessity of life and married to complete life. Then, have offspring to strengthen the family tree.

The definition of normal life of the majority of humans in this world keeps me confined. Am I really gay? While I sometimes think that I just have nowhere to lean. Backrest to let go of loneliness. Dave was also present as the embodiment of my hope.

I haven't been able to feel as comfortable with other people as I was with Dave. When I was no longer with him, I was more comfortable in solitude.

When others come into my romance, while I have no taste, should I force a sense that is not really there? Maybe Mayumi was presented as a place to share half my race, but wouldn't I hurt her so much if I pretended? Or am I being too naive about meeting for a while? Though the taste can grow because it is used to it. I don't know!

The comfort I felt with Mayumi was much different when I was with Dave. Again, I always couldn't help but compare when I was with my best friend.

My memory is strengthening back about him. I realized I couldn't be with him anymore. Am I really ‘sakit’?

I tried to open the window. Snow slowly graced the earth. I've tried to go as far as possible to cool the mind, but it's frozen. When it melted, it instantly flooded the entirety of my life. Ah, all the memories in Indonesia followed me here tonight.