Winter in Hokkaido
Chapter 11 part 2: Worrying

Add was satisfied with the photo which I modeled. I've never done this before. Selfies can be counted as fingers in a year.

I learned a lot from nature during the shoot. Nature never asks to be remembered, it just wants to be guarded. Keeping nature means safeguarding the future of human life. Behind the technological sophistication that every day develops, nature provides everything that humans need. Sources of livelihood, tranquility, and peace, are all available. I'm quite happy this outdoor shooting activity makes my mind not so left a big space for the past.

But behind the experience of merging with nature that makes me able to breathe tranquility, there are things that I feel a bit uncomfortable. Me and Add became familiar. However, the familiarity that makes me sometimes feel worried. A few days spent with her, I realized that she was trying to be intimate with me.

During the first photo shoot at the city park, I felt it was natural that he was embracing me all of a sudden. It may be a sign of a signal of familiarity. Continue the next day while shooting on the hill, he was without hesitation to hold my face up to my chest. I want to say if I'm not comfortable his hand touching the front area of my body. However, once again, I tried to think that he just wanted to make my post more photogenic. Fortunately, this is only temporary. If being a model had to let the body be touched without any hesitation, I would never choose the job. I just want my body to lean on people who are or have been in my fantasies.

Maybe I was too naive, but I was not easy to say comfortable with someone in just a few meetings. It is not easy to let foreign hands wander the sensitive areas of my body.

There are other things that make me uncomfortable with Add. He often hugged me. She tied her hands to my waist without asking for approval. Indeed this is not the case in public places, but it is not about being embarrassed by people's views. I feel like she's hugging me like she's hugging her boyfriend. Does this mean I'm normal? Or I just haven't been able to move on from all the comfort Dave has ever given me? Or can't I just accept someone else in place of the role Dave played with me? I don't know how to name it.

I also sometimes think why feel uncomfortable with Add. If I'm not normal, Add wasn't the wrong choice. Physically he's even a little bit more handsome than Dave. Ah, shithead!

I tried to contact Mayumi, because the receptionist staff said she could three times a day to the hotel looking for me. Why didn't he just call me? Thought.

When I called him, he didn't say much. It's not as usual. He just asked me where I was, and with whom. I also answered honestly. These few days Add asked me to be his shooting model. We can go all day and go home when the sun has moved to another hemisphere.

Is Mayumi angry, because I can't go with her anymore? Why don't I just ask him directly? Ah, as if there is still a doubt to ask a question that boils down to attention.

My mind's raging. Conscience invites small hearts to discuss.

Although I have firmly said I can not repay his feelings, but I think there is never any harm in the next we become friends only. I can't think too much about keeping the distance that would hurt her again.

If this shoot is done, I will follow Uncle's orders to visit Mayumi's house. Make sure he's not mad at me and knows his parents.

Said Uncle, Mayumi's father is a good businessman. I can ask for his knowledge while talking. Although I have not thought to start a business, but someday I could suddenly be interested in entrepreneurship. In addition, science and experience can be applied not only to one field.

Now, I'm not comfortable with Add. Just haven't found a surefire way to get away from him. Is it really difficult for me to be friends with someone, especially if that person likes me and I don't like him? However, Add has not or does not express his feelings to me.

Am I too confident that Add likes me? But if not, why is he always trying to hug me? Even while in the car after a photo shoot at the city park on the first day, she kissed me on the cheek saying thank you for helping her. I wanted to get angry, but I was focusing on driving. Or is it just a symbol of familiarity like me and Dave?

It took me years to get intimate with Dave. While Add shows its aggressiveness in just a matter of days. In fact, I already felt like he had an interest in me when he introduced himself to each other. Ah!!!

I'm glad to have friends here. That means my portion of time will be occupied with them. The rest of the time was used to help Uncle manage his hotel until I got a job in the country.

Honey, there's still denial imprinted on the soul. My escape is not to others, but how can I forget. Therefore, despite being thousands of miles apart and no contact, I still hope to be with Dave. Hope that hides when I'm with someone else. Then, it incarnated in my solitude. Strengthening my helplessness in burying the memory.

Ah, it turns out I've been daydreaming long enough. The computer screen is set to sleep within 15 minutes if not in use has fallen asleep.

“Excuse me! I want to book one room for one night, is there still empty?” The sound of the hotel guests surprised me.

I stood up and answered. “Sorry sir, the rooms at this hotel are full until the end of February.”

Did this guest come from Indonesia? Because usually guests who come to this hotel will say greetings in Japanese or English first. I raised my face and presented it to the hotel guest. Damn, apparently Add. He's possessed me.

“The receptionist staff is prohibited from daydreaming,” he said while continuing to laugh. He seemed satisfied to surprise me.

Add stopped his laughter. “Not funny, Ken. I've booked this room for two weeks, and will probably extend it to an unspecified deadline.”

“Why not rent a house or apartment in the city alone?” I responded to ketus.

“Ken, I was it on purpose..”.

I don't want to play a show between the receptionist and a guest like this anymore, so I cut him off immediately. “What's up, Add?”

He also immediately made his point. “I'm asking for your account number, Ken.”

“For?”

“Ya transfer your honor. These few days you want to be my model.”

“Oh that's serious for commercial shooting huh? I guess for personal use only.” Suddenly I thought of marking it a little.

“Kan from the beginning I told you this for the shoot. Where's your account number?”

“What a quick time I get an honor. Even though I have not seen the photos scattered massively on mass media platforms or print media?”

“Iya. Where's your account number. Why are you suddenly so chatty, Ken?” Add pinched both of my cheeks. Instantly I was disturbed. I also glanced around. Fortunately, everyone is focusing on their own business. If not, they may misunderstand. Especially the officers here.

“I'm sincere in helping you.”

“Ken, it's a job so I have to be professional.”

“Iya. But I'm really sincere in helping you.”

“Yes already, we have lunch outside yuk. Don't resist!”

I really can't refuse. There is no excuse I can use to refuse anymore.

Apparently, God sent me an excuse. From the entrance I saw Mayumi walking towards me. Yeah, I'm sure he came to see me. I tried to stall the answer until Mayumi approached.

Sure enough, Mayumi immediately greeted me. “Halo, Ken!”

“Sorry, Add! I have an appointment with Mayumi.” I said hello to Mayumi and answered Add's request.

Mayumi looked confused. However, I just took him away so Add doesn't suspect that I'm avoiding him. As if understanding, Mayumi followed my steps just like that.

“We go first, Add,”.

Add looked upset. However, I choose not to care about the strokes of his face.