Winter in Hokkaido
Chapter 12 part 3: Lying

I don't have proof Add's gay yet. It's just a guess. But when I told Yuriko the way Add saw Ken, and then when he chatted with Ken, Yuriko guessed the same thing as me about Add. What does Minako think? Yuriko suggested I call Minako for an opinion on the matter. At least, Minako has read a lot and saw the beginning of the story of male romance with men. He knows and has many references. All right, maybe I'll call her later.

For me, the way Add looks at Ken isn't like a friend. Add continued to look at Ken's face with a smile.

Add's gaze could not be separated from Ken's face. He also always tries to come into contact with Ken's hands or other body parts. Yeah, it's because I did that to Ken.

I don't have much experience with boys love, but I'm sensitive enough to tell the difference between a man who loves his best friend or is just a friend. Although the way to show love between women and men is different, the way to look at a loved one is the same. When we love or have an interest in someone, then we will hear his words by looking at his face.

If it wasn't for Yuriko's husband coming home from work, maybe we would have kept talking until we forgot about time. After the phone closed, I decided to take a shower. At least I need some freshness to call Minako.

While taking a shower, I thought about giving up the intention of calling Minako. I'm sure he'll laugh at me even make fun of me first. However, I also need his point of view to strengthen my guess. I became very worried.

After taking a shower and getting dressed, I immediately picked up the phone to call Minako. But when the phone is turned on, it turns out there are 3 unanswered voice calls. I postponed my intention to call my best friend.

3 Missed calls from Ken? Is this really a call from him? What did he call me a few times? Does he still feel guilty about me?

Yuriko said, Men like Ken can be overwhelmed with guilt. Ah, sucks! Why didn't I hear my phone ringing when a call came from him? I hope he calls again to think I'm still angry and deliberately won't answer his call.

My wish was granted, Ken called back. I tried to let it sit for a while thinking about the words that would be said to him.

“Halo, May!” His voice sounded anxious.

“Halo. What's up, Ken?” I'm trying to get cold. Though the brain tries to hold the legs so as not to jump for joy.

“May, you are still angry until you just picked up my phone?”

“No,” I replied in short. This is the first or general style of women to provoke men's business.

“May, I don't mean to disrespect your cooking. But..”

I cut it straight away. This is the second step so that men feel guilty, then seduce. “I'm fine. Like I said, you can eat it for dinner. That too if it is still worth it or you still want to eat it.”

“Iya, May. But, I really have no plans to eat out.”

“Heem...” Third straight, reply by muttering. This is to maintain the position that the man is really wrong. Saying as if it didn't matter, but the tone was made to curl a little to echo a sense of disappointment. Emmm, it's kind of hard to explain the rules. This may be the natural style that all women have.

“May... Em...” Ken like trouble stringing words. The third sign of the skill was powerful. I'm sorry, Ken. I deliberately sought attention with these three styles.

“Ken, I'm sleepy. I'm going to sleep first yes.” It was only 7pm. But, this is the ultimate move for Ken to pursue me.

The moves Yuriko told me earlier on the phone were perfectly used. Though, I actually still want to chat with Ken.

“Oh yes already, good night. Again I'm sorry, May.”

Ken, I still want to hear your voice. But it's okay to miss for a while, if it'll make Ken turn around to miss me. It starts with guilt.

Somehow after hanging up the phone from Ken, I felt hypnotized by my own excuses. I became very sleepy. Before that was not so. I was also lying on the bed.

Because I slept too early, I woke up at 4 a.m. I feel a pretty strong hunger. Naturally, from yesterday afternoon I did not eat.

I saw my father asleep in the living room in front of the television. Looks like he's been up all night watching a football game.

I went to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. Then, it occurred to bring Ken my breakfast as well. Right. If yesterday's lunch failed, there's still breakfast in hope of a substitute.

Time passed quickly to 7am. I woke up many times, but he pulled the blanket over his head. Though, I just want to say breakfast is ready and ready to go to Ken's place.

When I was in the car, I sent Ken a message that I would bring him breakfast. Also make sure he is at home or at the hotel. Ken quickly replied that he was at the hotel. I also quickly drove.

Upon arriving at the hotel, Ken is seen serving visitors. I sat in the waiting chair hoping he saw me coming. She soon realized, and then took me straight to the restaurant.

When he arrived at the door of the restaurant, one of the officers approached. He helped prepare the food I brought into the food pring. In front of Ken, I'm still trying to cool down.

Ken started the conversation by thanking me when the food I brought was ready to eat. Then, I explained the food I brought was cooked from the hour of 4 am. That does sound excessive, because to make Miso Soup, Tamagoyaki, and fruit salad does not require a long time. But I did not lie, which was long open time to make it, but the process until it occurred to bring the food for our breakfast together.

My tiredness paid off. I saw Ken enjoying the treat I made. However, an unexpected person suddenly approached our seat.

“I can sit here?” tanyakanya.

Ken directly lowered his soup bowl and replied, “Please, Add!”

I responded with a smile while trying to be patient. There was a disturbance. But, I should be able to restrain myself from showing a disturbed expression.

“Wah, Tamagoyaki. May I try. I didn't see him in the breakfast menu line,” Add said, crossing his hands between Ken's hands. He grabbed the egg with chopsticks. The way to take the food looks contrived so that it can come into contact with Ken.

“This is Mayumi who is cooking at her house,” explained Ken responding to the flirtatious Add.

“Iya. Please!” I try to chim in with a little frown. It wasn't easy to hold back my dislike of seeing Add next to Ken.

Then, I noticed Add staring at Ken so deeply. This time, very clear. Last night I fell asleep to call Minako. Apparently, I didn't have to call him. This sight has strengthened my conjecture of Add.

To blur Add's gaze at Ken, I pretended to drop the spoon. Then, Add took the spoon. The distance of the fall was indeed closer to him.

“Wah, it turns out Mayumi is good at cooking yes. Do you have a restaurant?” ask Add.

“No. Why?”

“I think if you open a restaurant will definitely quickly get a lot of customers. One of them is me who will visit every day. The Wagyu beef dish you made yesterday, it is very delicious.” His expression was praising, but it annoyed me.

I looked at Ken as Add threw me a compliment. Ken was wrong. He knew I made the food special for him.

“What do you think, Ken? Is my cooking good?” I hope Ken gives me a compliment too. Even the compliments from Add should have come out of Ken's mouth.

“Em... Delicious coke... Delicious.” Ken's response was somewhat dubious.

“Enak how?” Add patted Ken's shoulder. “Ken didn't taste the food. He said he didn't like meat very much. So, he asked me to spend it all. Because it is so delicious, I am happy to spend it,” said Add made my mind jerked.

Add's explanation made my body suddenly stiff. Though I served the food, because previously saw Ken really enjoy processed beef. Why did he say such a contrasting thing to Add? I'd rather not know the truth than have to swallow a bitter pill. Sometimes I don't know more soothing.

“Oh. Sorry, Ken! I thought you'd love it,” I said satirically.

Ken seemed to want to say something. Maybe he wants to give an explanation. But as soon as Ken opened his mouth, Add put a piece of Tamagoyaki in Ken's mouth so he wouldn't talk. In front of me, Add tried to show affection. I haven't been Ken's choice, but that doesn't mean I deserve to be hurt that way. I went to the toilet to shed tears.

When some time ago I began to resign and wanted to give up, Ken gave a glimmer of hope. Now, why is this scene that I have to witness?

When I returned from the toilet. Ken's staring. I tried to smile hard. While Add keeps raving to Ken. Like I was just an ad passing by.

Until I finished breakfast, I was just a listener between Add and Ken. Maybe I'm more like a flower vase placed on the dining table. Just as a decoration. I wasn't focused on hearing their talk. I just want to get out of this place quickly. However I remembered Yuriko's words, if I go it means Ken and Add are just the two of you. They will be closer. I need to be able to hold on, hold back even longer.

Time is passing. It didn't feel like it was nearly two hours I was staring between Ken and Add. Not one bit they noticed I was here. Or this is because Add keeps talking to attract Ken's attention. How do I stop Add from speaking this incoherently? Yes, to me it's unclear. I heard him talking about the shoot. Ken responded with a word or two. Isn't the photo shoot with Ken over? I wanted to be in the chat, but Add gave me no room. I looked at Ken a few times. Wishing he would take me out of this place, but he acted cold.

Eventually, my patience reached its limit. I got dizzy hearing Add's chattering nonstop for these tens of minutes.

“I'm home, Ken.”

Ken just nodded. That was his reaction until I stood up. Yes, I can't torture myself. Let me give up this time.

After I left the hotel, I stopped for a moment. There was hope when he looked back at Ken running after me. Unfortunately, events like yesterday happened again. Ken didn't come after me. In fact, I had already delayed the move for a few minutes. Hope makes me sicker.

Along the way I kept thinking about what happened to me these two days. Ken gave me hope, then crushed, then apologized, and the process repeated itself.  But, I'm sure he's not like that. This must be because there's an Add. That person who made Ken's attention divided, even I was only left a little.

I knew Ken first, so I should be able to get his attention before I turn to someone else. All efforts I have made. Harushkah the last way as Yuriko said? Isn't that evil? But Yuriko said the way was only to tie Ken up, not to injure or enjoy his body dirty. If indeed Ken will, I will gladly give my body. My insanity was heightened by seeing this.

The positive change Ken showed me, I guess a sign he was starting to like me. In fact, even now he's not trying to reach me.

To whom is this frustration I fully address?! Ken, Add, or both? But if Add doesn't interfere with my closeness to Ken, something like this might not happen. If Add's a girl, I'll compete with him as hard as I can to get Ken. Even if he was the one Ken chose, I'm sincere.

My guess about Add grew stronger after my mind looked at the incident at the restaurant. If he doesn't have any taste for Ken, he shouldn't have bothered me being alone with Ken. Or at the very least, he sat among us without stealing Ken's attention.

It was obvious Add was worried and jealous when he saw me and Ken sitting together. He was at our romantic breakfast. He changed the scenario I was making, so I didn't have a chance to improve my imagination with Ken.

It's not fair if I brand Add 100% gay. We had only met a few times, and only a few sentences came out as our interactions. But then again, Add's attitude toward Ken is not that of a friend, but that of someone who has a sense of.

In love, there is a term love does not have to have. For me, it happens if all efforts to get the heart do not give the expected results. At first, when we love someone, definitely (it may not be), coupled with the effort to have that person. Loving without having to have does sound wise, but the process is very painful.

I need a friend to tell me this time. Yeah, I'll just call Yuriko.

But when I was ready to press the dial button, I remembered Minako. I feel, for now, it's more appropriate to call Minako. He might make fun of me, but he's my best friend. He should have supported me. Also, he must have had a lot of advice on the conditions I was in at the moment.

Without hesitation, I immediately told Minako the problem I was facing. I love someone, but there are others who try to get in the way. This man is not a woman, but a man.

Minako did not take my story seriously. I expected it. But what's more unexpected, he asked me not to easily label someone. He said, it could be the closeness of Ken and Add an ordinary friendship closeness. The reason is, I don't have any solid evidence that Add is gay, and he likes Ken.

It is true what Minako said. I can't accuse someone of feeling alone without any real evidence. However, I'm sure Minako would agree with me if it was in my position. The problem is, he doesn't see Add's direct interaction with Ken.

Then, I stopped the phone conversation for a moment. I sent you a video of Ken and Add chatting at the hotel restaurant this morning. I asked Minako to watch the video, then give her opinion.

I was able to capture Add and Ken's interaction for a few minutes. I pretend to play the phone while recording them. That is a violation of privacy and not worth doing. However, my goal is not to spread to social media or other. The video was planned to show Ken that I was so hurt watching him ignore me.

Shortly after the video was sent, Minako called back. I made sure he watched it through to the end. He also said he did that.

He pisses me off, saying Ken and Add are compatible. Honestly, he really admired Ken's good looks. Goddamnit! Luckily, Minako is not here. I won't let him here to be my rival either. The same thing Yuriko said. Had she known Ken earlier than her husband, she would have pursued Ken's love as well. They are friends who sometimes drain emotions. But it is only with them that I always share my story.

Furthermore, Minako made me even more upset. He said Ken and Add were the couple he had been imagining. In a furious tone, I snapped at him. I said if you need opinions and solutions from him, not want to hear his fantasies.

After I heated up, Minako apologized and said her statement was just a joke. I know he likes to joke, but this time I want to talk seriously. I'm sorry I snapped at him, too. My mind won't take it if anyone says Ken and Add are a compatible couple.

According to Minako, Add's tendency to be gay and Ken's liking is 80%. This is seen from the position of Add sitting very close, even almost want to continue to stick with Ken. Then his hand that tried to touch the back, shoulder, until the hand of my idol. From the way he smiled to the way he looked at Ken, it was obvious that there was a feeling of love.

Besides, from appearance. Add using a thin and tight white oblong t-shirt. Indeed, clothes do not necessarily indicate he is a same-sex lover. But from the way he spoke to Ken, Add seemed to want to show also his athletic body or spread charm. He also asked Ken's favorite. Things that men do not usually do to their male friends in detail.

It turns out Minako was that thorough. It was not in vain that I called him. The video I sent was less than 120 seconds long. I'm the one in front of them just didn't realize the clothes Add was wearing. I wasn't focused on watching them. Attention was more focused on the way I suppressed my emotions.

Furthermore, Minako asserted, he is not an expert who can know a person's sexuality from his external appearance. The thing he revealed was only based on his experience reading and watching the story of boys love, also from some of his friends who like the same sex.

I agree with Minako's statement. For example, men who like to shop and look feminine are not necessarily gay. Likewise with men who like soccer and appear athletic are not necessarily also a straight. There is no special pattern to know the orientation of a person from the outside without knowing him deeply.

But the style of speaking, such as the way a man looks at his male friend, and the topic being discussed can be an indication that someone is gay. In general, straight men do not really like to tell their admiration of other men. Unlike women who often praise beautiful and sexy to her fellow women. In the video I sent, Add said Ken is handsome, white, clean, neat, and his appearance is perfect.

Minako also said there was a tendency for Ken to be gay or bisexual. Potentiality 50:50. I was very surprised and obviously not accepted. All this time I've seen Ken so masculine. His good attitude to Add was not a response of attention. He once explained that. He's just a guy who's trying to be nice to anyone. I'm 100% sure Ken is a straight guy.

When I asked for an explanation for Minako's allegations against Ken, he just said it was only his dugan. He said Ken didn't seem to like Add. However, there is a tendency for Ken to like men.

I still don't accept Minako's statement. He apologized and tried to calm me down. He didn't mean to disappoint me and break my heart. He also advised me to just prove it rather than dissolve into speculation.

According to Minako, her allegations about Ken being gay are somewhat difficult to explain. It can only be felt by people who are accustomed to things that smell like romance.

If it had to be Minako to know, obviously I wouldn't. I don't really care about a person's sexual orientation. Everyone lives their own way and their own way. As long as it doesn't harm each other, why bother each other?! Unfortunately, Add has made me so nervous.