Winter in Hokkaido
CHAPTER 1: Suspicious

The lights are out. I hugged him right away. Wishing tonight could replace the previous tired nights so as not to say hello to his lips. I guess he was ready, because the smell of his fragrant body was tempting. But unexpectedly she let go of my embrace. I hugged again tightly. Maybe he needs stronger penetration. Again, he let go of my embrace. Looks like something's wrong.

The room lights are back on. My hand felt the position of the glasses I had placed on the table. This is unusual. He who was already lying down why was suddenly half seated.

"What's wrong? Tired again?" my lot's smooth. But he answered, throwing his face away. Then I tried to get her hair so soft. Yet, for some reason he rebuked my hand. I asked again, a little flirting. "Why the hell? Tonight I'm ready until morning."

A few minutes until he wanted to make a sound. "You've been coming home all night not because of overtime, right?" ask without a fuss.

"Why suddenly ask that? You know in my office again the annual audit. All employees are required to be overtime. What exactly are you doing?"

"You lied." Nadanya. I don't understand what it means to accuse me of lying.

"If you don't believe me, tomorrow you come with me to the office. You can ask my friends or even my boss." I have to be very careful with my questions.

He was silent for a few minutes. I see his face is still unsightly. But yeah, that's it. She is still my most beautiful wife. Maybe tonight the mood is not good.

I removed the glasses again and kept them near the sleeping lights. Not unwilling to try to examine the purpose and purpose of his statement, but it is already midnight. Better to sleep. There is still morning to continue this conversation. Thought.

I turned the lights back on, pulled the blanket, and dropped my head on the pillow, but he pulled my shoulder instead.

"It's been lying, instead of explaining and apologizing, it's sleeping." I don't think there's anything else to talk about. As I waited, he was silent. Now, instead throw sarcasm.

I turned on the room lights again. From the back position, I am now sitting down. But his position was behind me. I held her shoulder slowly and asked her to focus my gaze on me.

"There's more to say? Face this way!" my door was gently preceded by a long breath. It turns out that it is not easy to resist emotions while holding back drowsiness.

"Yes, I know your work in the office is a lot. During the week you keep overtime. But during that week you also met Ken, right? Lunch, dinner, and take her home. Every dinner you answer have eaten with friends at the office. But what exactly?" His eyes began to water. Actually I don't have the heart, but maybe crying will make her relieved.

"You know where it came from?" ask me calmly to be able to brush off his suspicions.

"So right, right?" The answer is a question to be sure. He also hit my chest quite hard. Maybe because in the punch there is love, so it doesn't hurt.

I was quiet for a while. I sometimes look at his face. I can no longer act. I am not talented to be an actor. From the temples of the eyes to his cheeks, a stream of disappointment and annoyance was painted with satire. I don't know where he knows about this.

"Yes, I did meet Ken this week. But we're just eating, hanging out, or talking for a while." I'm trying to explain.

I didn't actually mean to lie about it. If I had told him from the beginning, he would have been angry. But people say, no lie is perfect. A lie in the name of good is like loving for the sake of lust. Just keep the fire in the husk.

"You can set aside your time off with him. Why not with me? I'm your wife. Your legitimate wife. Let alone having lunch together. Every night I wait so we can sit together at the dinner table, you prefer to sleep. Be content, tired. You don't eat with your friends at the office. You had a romantic meal together with your best friend, maybe in a fancy cafe or restaurant." His face was like embers of fire. His words seemed angry at me. He didn't even hesitate to ask questions about my closeness to Ken. Whatdoes thatmean? I don't know! I could only hold back my anger and try to calm down him who seemed to be thinking too far.

"You're thinking too far. Yes, I had lunch with Ken and we met for dinner tonight. After that, I also drove him home. If I told you that, wouldn't you be angry?" I'm trying to offer you a closed question.

"Then, do you think lying will reduce and mask my anger?" Fay's getting emotional.

Goddamnit! Who told you about my meeting with Ken?! I've never felt anyone spying lately. In fact, I was lost.

"Fay.... " Ah, too many words in my mind, but it's hard to get them out into a series of explanations.

When we were just getting married, I told Fay about Ken. He said envious, because I have a friend from High School who is still close. However, four months ago Ken returned to Jakarta - and I introduced him directly - my wife's attitude suddenly changed. He said he didn't like it when I came to visit our house. We also met more often outside.

Yes, every time Ken visits the house, Fay always shows his dislike. I don't understand what's really going on between them. Though I see Ken always trying to be nice, even though he knows Fay doesn't like him.

When I looked for an explanation, Ken said there was nothing. I know there is something to hide. But he only denied it on the grounds that my wife did not like it if she visited, without explaining the problem.

I was very curious and tried to investigate the matter that limited the space of interaction between the two of them. However, I was always busy with work until I finally forgot and was no longer interested in knowing it. After all, I've known enough of my wife and Ken's character. Allow time to repair their relationship. Hope I was then.

My wife once flatly admitted to being jealous if I was close to my sidekick. Many times I explained to Fay that Ken was my best friend from high school to university. We have been friends for a long time so our relationship is like a brother. I can also spend time with my wife and best friend. My priority, of course, is the wife.

After graduating from college, Ken returned to Bali. The reason for taking care of his parents resort business there. For almost four years we did not meet. So, I guess it's only natural that we get close back to letting go of the miss. Ken also returned to Jakarta to calm down after the death of his mother and father for good. As a friend, I should have been there when he needed a backrest to ease the suffering he faced.

However, Fay instead sees the other side of Ken. He said my best friend most likely liked me. He said Ken's gaze on me was like harboring other feelings. Ah, I think my wife is over-seeing our friendship.

Ken and I have been friends for years. We were friends during our education. It is only natural that our bond is strong enough, even if it has been separated for many years.

"Fay, how many times have we talked about this?" ask after remembering the past. Frankly, I'm so tired.

"Yes, it's been a lot. But you seem to forget so easily that you have to be reminded." His words sounded so cynical.

I took a deeper breath than before. Fay asks Ken not to come to this house again, it's been obeyed. But when he asked me to stay away from Ken too, I couldn't promise that. The reason is very clear many times I have told you. Ken and I were just friends. Is it wrong for me to spend a little time entertaining him?

I tried to calm down and explain to Fay again. "Fay, Ken and I have been best friends since High School. We are like brothers. In Jakarta, I'm his closest friend. After all, Ken and I were just chatting for a while. Understand, Fay! Two years ago his mother died, I wasn't next to him. A year ago his father died, we were just getting married, and I just found out a few weeks ago. Now his family business has collapsed, so he moved to Jakarta to calm down and find work here. He needs me to be able to rise from all the problems that continue to befall him."

"Then, is he the only one who needs you?" Fay tried to reverse my words. "The time of day you spend working, the rest are with him. I'm your wife who waits for you here every day. Waiting to eat together while telling a story. Do I not need you either? Is it because he's your best friend from High School, so he's more important than me?"

"Fay...." I tried to hold back her hand that was about to hit me with a pillow.

"Why did you marry me if it was just a decoration? This house is just where you sleep and wait for the morning." I don't understand the direction of the conversation.

"Fay, don't over think!" I raised my tone a little.

"Your friendship is like a brother, is it? Or it's just you think. I believe you are loyal and can keep the taste. But my concern is Ken. He always tries to grab your attention with the lure of friendship. Though Ken likes it the same as you?”

"Fay!!!" I spontaneously snapped at him, because he had difficulty understanding the conditions I had clearly explained. Fortunately, my mind was still strong to dispel all the emotional lava.

"Great! Now you dare to yell at me to defend your best friend." Fay's tears are getting louder as the question goes. We promised we would never talk about this again.

The conversation began in an uncertain direction. I'm dizzy. It felt like just going out of the room, leaving it for a moment until the wind dampened the heat between the two of us. "whatever! I gave up on explaining."

"Okay, then. Now you better make a choice. Me or him?"

I didn't expect Fay to make that choice again, again, again. How am I supposed to choose between him and Ken? All this time I tried to live my life like everyone else. I have a wife that I love so much and a friend as a friend playing outside the house. Isn't this commonplace?

"Already, Fay. Don't make me dizzy!"

"Makes you dizzy? Am I making you dizzy? Between me and your best friend, so you love him more. It's my suspicion." His words were increasingly screeching the night.

"Fay!" I snapped at him again, though not as hard as before. Hold it! The atmosphere is getting hot. "Yes, I love him so much. Also love you very much. How can I choose, while my love for you and him is different?! I love you as my wife, and love her as my best friend."

"But he loves you not like that?"

"Where do you know?" I'm surprised Fay can think that way.

"He loves you like someone who wants to make you his partner."

That Fay statement makes my emotions *******. "Fay, stop thinking that way about Ken."

"Keep defending him. Don't-don't you actually...."

I know what he meant. Therefore, I did not give him a chance to complete the sentence. "I can't stand this conversation. If that's what you think of me. Now imagine from the beginning we met until we got married. Everything you asked me to do. Don't hang out with friends, spend weekends with you and your friends, exercise at home. All I do, because I love you, Fay." In the end, I could no longer hold back tears.

Can't I live a life without leaving one? I can't just leave Ken. He means a lot to me. L loved her. I consider him a part of my family.

"Then, why is it so hard for you to leave Ken? I don't care if you're friends with anyone, but please don't be with him."

I think Fay understands. In fact, my explanation did not hold in the least bit of his mind.

If continued, this conversation will not be finished like a coachman debate. I got out of bed to cool my head. However, Fay pulled my hand. I tried to let go, but he got stronger gripping her. Then I just hugged him.

Fay's surprised. He remained silent for some time until he finally decided to return my embrace. Maybe he was satisfied to convey his uneg-unegnya.

"Fay, I can't prevent someone from loving me. Especially forbidding him to approach me. But I already have you. You are always there in every step. Trust can take care of us, Fay."

I slowly wiped the tears on her cheek. He seemed calmer. Although tonight's lust failed to channel, I hope there will be no more disturbances like this in the following nights.