Winter in Hokkaido
Chapter 18: Passion

Tomorrow, I don't see Ken at the hotel. A few times I asked the receptionist, they just said maybe Ken's gonna be here any minute. Uncle who knows where Ken is, I haven't seen him either.

I'm pretty nervous waiting for Ken. The atmosphere had begun to melt overnight, though not yet as fully as it once was. Before I go home tomorrow, I should be able to clear up this matter. I don't want to bring guilt as a gift to myself.

While sitting in the lobby waiting for Ken's arrival, I heard a woman ask Ken too to the receptionist. Then, he sat in front of me. This woman in front of me makes me a little curious. I wanted to greet him, but he immediately played his phone. As our gazes collided, he threw a smile.

The woman in front of me is so beautiful. She has a pure white Japanese woman. Her lips were blushing, her hair was well-groomed. The way to sit is also very graceful. Is she Ken's girlfriend? The thought was stupefied considering Uncle's words if Ken already had a lover. Even when I asked him last night Ken answered not explicitly, but I'm sure he just didn't want to be honest with me.

If it's true this woman is Ken's lover, they're a matching couple. But why in other parts of my feelings, I feel pain knowing my best friend already has a lover. What exactly is the reason he left not because of me? I'm just a small part of the reason, because he actually wants to see his girlfriend. I need to seriously discuss this with Ken.

Shortly after, Ken is seen entering the hotel. I stood up and tried to get close.

“Ken...” I called him, and the woman who was sitting in front of me called at the same time. He glanced at me, smiling while bowing.

Two people were waiting for him. Hope Ken comes to me first.

“May, you are here. He said, show till the day after?” Ken actually first greeted the woman who looked right her lover. It was natural, but he should have tried to greet me as well. I was clearly in front of him. Two steps behind her boyfriend.

“I miss this place, and also you,” replied the woman who made Ken smile. “Oya, have you had lunch?”

“But.”

“We had lunch outside yuk!”

I saw Ken nod.

Then Ken's lover explained, “Oya Ken, it seems like that person has been waiting for you. Is he your friend?”

Unfortunately, Ken remained indifferent.

Indonesian pronunciation of Ken's lover is perfect. I thought he was a native of Japan. He's also very friendly.

“Oh, that's Mr. Dave, from Indonesia. Coincidentally staying and vacationing here,” said Ken without looking at me. His feet were heavy to step up to me.

The thing that then made me want to pull Ken's shirt collar is that he still calls me with a greeting sir. Where did his attitude that was last night melt? Is it because in front of her boyfriend she pretends to know me again?

“Ken, try you come to him. Looks like he's been waiting for you for a long time. Just have lunch together,” advice his lover.

I could only stand still, stand up, solemnly hear their conversation. All the petrified words in my mouth.

“Hello Sir Dave, I'm Mayumi. Sorry, I didn't know you were also waiting for Ken.” It was her lover who approached me while pulling Ken along.

“I Dave. Original Japan?” This is the first time I've ever been nervous about meeting someone.

“Iya. Wonder if I speak fluent Indonesian?”

I'm nodding.

“I used to study S1 in Jakarta,”.

I looked at Ken, but he refused to look at me.

“Pak Dave want to come with us for lunch?” Ken started the interaction. However, her gesture and the look in her eyes did not indicate a serious invitation. I get it, it's just a small talk in front of his girlfriend.

“No. I've had lunch,” reject me smooth. I cannot continue to be treated like a stranger by Ken in front of his loved ones.

“Pak Dave just come with us. He said we're on vacation, we're all going around town. Want ya?” Mayumi who actually forced me by continuing to spread a smile.

“No, thank you. I don't want to be a bully. I want a break in the room.”

I saw Mayumi saying something, but Ken pulled her. “Alright, we go first, Mr.”

“Shortly, Ken!” My reflex is pulling his right hand. “Later tonight we can have a chat. I'm waiting for you in my room. Or the place is up to where you think it's comfortable. I'll be waiting. Please Ken, don't treat me like we never knew each other. It was very painful for me,” my aura withstood the pain that slipped in the chest. I also said it slowly. I don't want Mayumi to listen and be misunderstood.

I'm still holding Ken's hand, waiting for his response. He also noticed her hand that was in contact with me. Then, I let go of Ken's hand as Mayumi turned around and called out to Ken. No smiles, no certainty.

Ken and Mayumi were nowhere to be seen in my eyes. Therefore, I decided to take a break to the room while waiting for nightfall.

Once in the room, I immediately broke down. Then Fay called to ask him the news. Long enough we reaped longs on the phone until I was helpless to respond to the story, because drowsiness made my eyes closed.

I wake up when it's dark. I saw the clock on the phone already showing at 21:00. Then, hunger led me out of the room.

After eating enough at the restaurant, I headed to the lobby. My goal was to ask the receptionist about Ken's whereabouts. Maybe he went to my room when I was asleep.

Unfortunately, the receptionist said she had not seen Ken enter the hotel since the afternoon. I asked him to make sure to his other friend, because the receptionist I asked was different from the one during the day. He asked his friend at the reception desk and the guard, but he said from noon he did not see Ken coming here again. If I knew where Ken was, I'd go straight to him.

I tried asking for Ken's phone number. Damn, no hotel staff knows. Fortunately, one of the employees gave me Uncle Yamada's home phone number.

I immediately dialed the phone number given. Unfortunately, no one raised. I called again about 5 times, still no response. I went back to my room and waited for tomorrow.

***

From morning until noon, then afternoon, Ken wasn't seen at the hotel. All day waiting, even from yesterday, there was no sign of him meeting me.

Tomorrow I will return to Indonesia. I have to mend my relationship with Ken before I go home. Must be!

Then, it came to my mind to meet Ken straight to his residence. So, I won't be in vain if I wait for him there.

I asked Ken's address to the receptionist. After explaining my purpose for the friendship before returning home, he also gave the address of Uncle Yamada's house which was Ken's residence. But I am not a resident of this city, I was quite confused when explained the benchmark and description of the location of the house that I want to go to.

You idiot! I feel stupid. I can take a taxi and ask him to deliver to the address I want. If the taxi driver is also a bit confused, I can use Google Maps to guide. So focused on Ken, my brain became hard to work.

When I walked out of the hotel to take a taxi, the receptionist called me. I think he's gonna tell Ken he's at the hotel. Apparently, there was an employee who wanted to go home and happened to be his house in the direction of his Uncle Ken's house. The officer immediately took me to his car. I feel like I've been overwhelmed with good luck in Hokkaido.

I was dropped off in front of a house that looked simple, just like the personality of the owner. No cars or other vehicles are parked next to this house. Although simple, but the house is very well maintained and beautiful.

Not wasting time. I marked my visit.

I tried to press the bell again. I pressed it three times. Desperation can be overcome. Plus the air outside was very cold and slowly snowed quite heavily.

Is it possible that Ken is dating his girlfriend? However, I wish there was an Uncle or someone else in this house who would let me in and wait for Ken. I've been so cold. Didn't think it would snow, because the weather when leaving was quite sunny. So, I just wear jeans and a long t-shirt.

Thank goodness! I heard footsteps approaching from inside the house. Once it opens, it's Ken. Apparently, he's home. His face showed he had just woken up who might have woken up due to the sound of the bell I was pressing.

“Sore, Ken,” my handkerchief with shivering start condition.

“Iya. What's up?” His attitude was colder than the falling snow.

“I waited for you from yesterday.”

“What I said ‘iya’?”

“But you also did not say ‘not’.”

The cold is attacking my body. Ken seemed to be arguing with his conscience, telling me to come in or driving me home in the cold.

“Come in! Don't become a snow puppet outside.”

I wanted to laugh, but his tone didn't indicate a joke. I know this isn't Ken. He's trying to be someone else so I don't recognize him. Although people say he is quiet, cold, difficult to talk to, but to me, he is chatty, jovial, and very aggressive. He is Ken, my best friend.

“Please sit!”

Then Ken brought me some warm tea. The atmosphere in the house is quite warm, because it is equipped with heating devices as well.

“Where did you know I was here?” Ken started the conversation after we sat facing each other, but there was still a wide distance.

“What is more important than asking me?” Actually I just want to the point.

“Until when do you behave like this? Still don't want to recognize me? I've been looking for you all along. I'm worried something's happened to you. You just left me.” I can't bear to bombard him with questions from yesterday.

“Searching? All this time? Or for two days now?” Ken even replied cynically to my question.

“Ken, what made you turn like this?”

This time, he looked at me with a sharp glare.

“I've changed, the problem is where? Last time you said I never changed. Now I'm trying to change. What's again? Is not your life happy. What is the importance of me in your life?”

Ken's words made my emotions go up.

“Ken, why didn't you tell me you were going to Japan? Why don't you tell me if there's still family in Japan?”

I don't want to answer the question. If he's not important in my life, then I can't look for him like this.

“Haha...” Ken instead laughed, but like mocking. “Dave, don't make jokes! I have to tell you where I'm going, while you want me out of your life.” He sighed. “So all this time you mind, because I already consider you like my own family?”

“Ken, don't think beyond the limits of my mind!” Spontaneously I snapped at him.

The mood was silent for a moment.

“I know I was wrong. I shouldn't have entered your life again. But did you ever think of my pain when you asked me to forget you? I realized, I understand, in this world nothing is eternal except blood relations. Our friendships will sooner or later become memories, and we are busy with each other's lives. But I never wanted words to forget each other. I want us to no longer be as close as we used to be, because of the busyness that regulates the distance between us.”

“Ken, I'm really sorry if I can't be a good friend to you.” I interrupted the story. Honestly, there is indeed a guilt that is thick enough to cover my mind.

“That's a satire for me? Doesn't matter. I know I should be happy to see your present, happier life. But you should also know that I never expected you, when the distance between Jakarta and Bali separated us. We had no problems at the time. It all ends like a happy ending movie, though the audience doesn't know what the next life is. Just know all the actors have undergone their roles according to the storyline that has been screenplayed. But you called me when I didn't expect that to happen. Conscious or not, it makes me desperate to at least repeat the stories we've been through.” His tone began to flow like two months ago.

“Ken, after you return to Bali I always wait for you to call me. But, it never existed. I wanted to call you first, only I was afraid to bother you. I also think your life is happier.”

“Why wait? While with other friends you continue to keep in touch.”

“Where did you know?”

“Haha…. When you told me about your wedding plans, I already knew from the other friends. I thought I'd be the first one you told me about. In fact, I should be heartened when your story is just a pleasantries.”

“Ken, from where should I explain so that you can understand.”

“Already! Back to the core of this conversation. I haven't asked you what made you come here?”

Now it's my turn to catch my breath.

“Ken, I want our relationship to be like it used to be.”

“Connect? What kind of relationship? Stop, Dave! I don't want to argue with your wife anymore. Then you came to see me to ask me to forget you again. I don't want to be in that round any longer. I'm quite self-aware, Dave.”

“What because now you already have a lover? Since when? Why didn't you ever tell me?”

“May I laugh? Haha…. You mean Mayumi's my girlfriend? I don't even have any feelings for him.”

I should have supported Ken with Mayumi. However, hearing Ken's answer there was a feeling of relief that perched on the breast.

“Alright, I repeat again. But, this is the last one. Ilove you. Clear, right?” continued. His parasites give a serious affirmation if his confession is true from the heart.

Worryingly. I can only respond with a look. Highlighting his two round eyes glazed over.

“I thought, I wouldn't go this far harboring feelings for you. Until I had to leave Indonesia to forget this feeling. I'm happy to see you happy, but I can't lie to myself if I want some of your happiness to be with me. I realized I could no longer have you, because now you have a family. Sorry, but I always want to be with you. In the past, I did not think about it, because I think our time together is still long.”

“What do you mean love me?” I feel bad.

“Hah? Okay. Loving you as a friend, brother, yes it was. But growing up, I don't know why my mind went wild. I'm trying to accept we can't be together forever. But after you opened up the distance between us again, I wanted to embrace her more and more. Then feel the warmth of your lips.”

Hearing his last statement, I reflexively got up from the sofa and pulled his shirt.

“You're angry? Go ahead. But the one who should be angry is me. Wh why? I have forgotten that desire, but you have resurrected it. You advised me to move to Jakarta and promised to accompany. That happen? I must be heartbroken. Then, I tried to move on, even though until now I couldn't. At least, staying as far away from you as possible, it will make my feelings improve. Now, you said you were worried about me. I want us to be like before. Because pity sees me always looking alone? No need, I'm used to being lonely from childhood.”

I strengthened my grip. My breathing became irregular.

“Tno need to worry. You don't need to worry, I'll disturb your household, because I didn't have the intention in the first place. Oh yeah, you're home tomorrow, right? I have to fight again as if yesterday and today, we met in a dream.”

If I can, I'd like to go home with you, Ken. That was the sound of my heart when I looked at Ken's sad face.

“Release! Don't make me misinterpret this attitude of yours! Don't keep playing me!” Ken's trying to get my grip off.

“No.” I kept clutching Ken's shirt until it was almost torn. Then, slightly slammed his body until he was lying on the sofa. My position is right above his body.

Our bodies are clashing. Our faces were only a few centimeters away. Ken looked at me while trying to lift my body. I was in an attacking position, and he defended. Obviously, I can more “win”.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, I closed my eyes. Then, stick my lips on Ken's lips. He tried to resist, but it made my attack even more aggressive. After that, the feeling of warmth spread throughout the body. Ken started to heat up his lust.

Then, we were struck by someone's coming voice. “It looks like my Uncle is home!” said Ken who looked so shocked.

We also immediately tidied up the clothes and where we made out so that Uncle did not suspect. Almost doing me makes Ken will face problems.

“Uncle home!” said Uncle say hello. “ There's Mr. Dave turned out. How are you, Mr Dave?”

“Good, Uncle.” I also stood up to greet Uncle. I hope Uncle didn't see our action. “Two days I did not see Uncle in the hotel, it looks like Uncle is busy?”

“Iya, Uncle is trying to develop Uncle's business. So these few days are busy meeting with potential investors.” He sat down next to Ken. While Ken looked awkwardly approached his Uncle. “Pak Dave tomorrow flight what time?”

“Sore, Uncle.”

“Then let Ken deliver only!”

Ken looked at me.

“No need Uncle. I feel VIP guest if continue to trouble.”

“Do not hesitate! Morning or afternoon Ken can take Mr. Dave around for a while looking for souvenirs for his beloved wife at home. Would you, Ken? Who knows you are motivated to get married soon after getting closer to talking with Mr. Dave,” said Uncle while patting Ken on the shoulder.

I don't understand Uncle's words. I hope he didn't see me and Ken at all. There are still concerns if my nafshakan is witnessed by Uncle.

“Iya, Uncle,” Ken response.

“Then, Uncle to the room first change clothes. You guys just continue chatting.”

“Iya Uncle, please.”

“Oya, Mr. Dave, have dinner here only. My uncle had ordered some food, might be here soon. He will be brought home by Ken. Or if you want to try staying here can also. Consider it your own home.”

“Good, Uncle. Thank you very much!”

Ken was silent. Sometimes he looks at me. After that, he tried to shift his eyes.

I tried to get close to him. Slowly embrace. Ken's leaning his head on my shoulder. He seemed to want to convey something. His lips trembled slightly to hold back the overflow of stories he wanted to tell.

Ken raised his head back. He looked down and put both his hands on his head. What exactly does he feel? I know it wasn't finished? But why is he so scared? Scared that I'll leave him tomorrow? If I could, I wouldn't want to leave him alone either.

“Ken, I'm sorry. I hope we can...”.

I wasn't done talking, Ken interrupted.

“I failed. I should be able to hold onto my feelings. However, you do not worry,” shrieked by still lowering your head.

I don't understand what Ken meant. I just held him tight.