Winter in Hokkaido
Chapter 23: Backward

I just stayed overnight in Bali. After being content to tell stories at the graves of my parents, I returned to Jakarta. It's not that I want to see Dave back, but there are things that keep getting stuck in my brain.

Dave and I can't get back together. I can't be selfish, even though the desire to have it completely boomed after the incident in the car that night. Asking Dave to have two relationships is certainly not a solution. It would be very difficult for him to live a life with two minds. I've known him for a long time, so I should be able to understand him better.

Inevitably I should be able to completely erase Dave in my memory. I have to be serious about that. But the more you try to forget, the stronger it is in your memory. It's painful. It's like putting ink on the snow.

With a less fit body, I tried to get up to go down for breakfast. A moment to get rid of all thoughts about Dave. Anyway, I can't be sick. To deal with all these problems, my body must stay healthy.

As she was about to enter the elevator, Aunt Selly appeared from inside.

“Ken, where are you going?” tanyakanya.

“To bottom find breakfast, Aunt.”

“Breakfast with yuk!”

“Em...” I want to refuse, but my mind is not able to process the right sentence.

“Come!” Aunt Selly pulled my hand to go with her.

Yeah, it looks like this is my breakfast recipe with Aunt Selly's cooking.

“August, Om!” Looks like Om Syakir just took a shower when I came in.

“Again, Ken. Loh, he said to Bali.”

“Iya, Om. But just last night.”

“Breakfast here only. Wear clothes first yes.”

I nodded, then Aunt Selly chimed in. “Eatya, Mama brought Ken here let us have breakfast together.”

Before long Om Syakir came out of the room in neat clothes. Me and Aunt Selly are ready at the dinner table.

“When to return to Japan? Or just stay here with Om and Aunt?”

Om Syakir immediately opened the conversation when we started to take one by one breakfast.

“The plan is the day after.”

“Pah, Ken wants to sell his apartment loh,” said Aunt Selly.

While in the hallway we had a chat, and I told him I was planning to sell my apartment.

“Really, Ken?”

Just want to answer, Aunt Selly first represented me. “Iya, Pah.”

“Mah, Papa will ask Ken.”

“But Ken was already a story like that.”

“Mama mending get Papa's phone in room.”

“Iya.”

I sometimes envy the harmony of Om Syakir and Aunt Selly. For decades they lived together and perfectly filled each other's lives.

“Why should it be sold, Ken? You need money? Om can lend. Just say no hesitation!”

“Thank you very much, Om. However, Ken's intention was to sell it. After all, after this Ken will settle abroad. Free also if not occupied.”

“Why don't you rent it? So, the ownership is still yours.”

“The plan is money for the sale of the apartment for later costs Ken continues college, housing needs, and more.”

“Ken, to Om and Aunt you are like our own son. So any difficulties you face, just tell us!”

“Ken want to live more independently only, Om.”

“Have you talked about this with your Uncle or Aunt in Japan?” Ask Aunt Selly who previously only noticed.

“But.”

“Why?”

“Ken will tell you if it's sold, Aunt.”

“Dad and your mother should be proud of you. They told me you were a very obedient boy. There are not many requests, and it has been independent since childhood. If only we had a daughter, Auntie would be so happy to have a daughter-in-law like you. Handsome, friendly, intelligent, kind. Unfortunately, fate says something else. Whereas we and your parents agreed that if our children were boys and girls, we'd be besanan. It turns out that our son is all boys,” Aunt Selly recalled with a smile.

“The question is, now which woman is lucky to be your lover, Ken?”

Om Syakir's question got me drunk. I don't know what to answer.

“E…. Not yet, Om.”

“Really? Mau Aunty introduce to the daughter of friends Aunty. Yesterday Aunt posted a photo of the two of us on WhatsApp status. There are so many comments asking who it is, single or not. Aunty until tired of replying to their chat all. But can we take another photo together, Ken?”

“Mah...” Looks like Om Syakir gave the code so that his wife does not ‘sell’ my photo on WhatsApp.

I can only smile at them. “Of course you can, but after Ken takes a shower let him look a little more handsome. Hehe..”.

Then Om Syakir took the wheel of the chat. “Om also has a coworker who happens to be looking for a mate for his daughter. Her son is beautiful and kind. Om think you guys fit.”

“Thank you very much Om, Auntie, but Ken still can't for..”.

“What young pregnant woman is your ex-lover?”

“Which woman, Mah?” Om Syakir looked curious.

“That was the other day Mama's story, who was looking for Ken here.”

“Oh, no. We are just friends kok.” Quickly I denied it. It is not she that I love, but her husband. Huh!

“But when you went to Japan, why did it look like you were heartbroken, Ken?”

“Oh, the. At that time Ken was just getting carried away, remember Father and Mother.”

“Oh. Sorry yes, Aunt mistook.”

“Nothing, Aunt.”

Aunt Selly's guess is true, but I can't possibly tell you.

“Other times Mama do not pretentious, so will give wrong information,” advice Om Syakir to his wife. “Sorry yes, Ken!”

“Nothing, Om. Nothing to forgive.”

This is about the atmosphere every morning if my Mom and Dad were still there. We have breakfast together, and they'll ask about my future at the dinner table.

After breakfast, I went back to my room and went to bed. Then, the chatty chatted my phone until it woke me up. Apparently someone was interested in my apartment, but I just advertised before going to bed earlier. At first he wanted to see the condition of my apartment, but I asked to meet first. At least, a little make sure if he really has an interest in my apartment. Then, he asked me to come over for lunch at a cafe. I also agree.

When typing the destination to order a taxi online, I just ngeh location cafe later coffee land close to Dave's office.

Damnit damnit! The prospective buyer also sent me a message that was waiting so I could not replace it with another place. Let it! I was too confident I would meet Dave. Quickly I leave.

As soon as I arrived, I immediately greeted him with an apology, “Sorry, I am late.”

“Nothing, just relax. I Ferdi.”

He introduced himself by shaking hands. “Ken.”

Then, our chat continued regarding my apartment that was about to be sold. I showed him more pictures. Tell the condition of the apartment, the amount of monthly fee to be paid, furniture that is available, and show the completeness of ownership papers.

Ferdi admitted he was very interested in my apartment, but he only intended to rent it for one year. I tried to consider, but my decision was unanimous to sell it.

I explained the reasons for wanting to sell the apartment for the cost of continuing my studies and provisions to settle in Japan. We also chatted like friends.

Ferdi told me about the difficulty of finding housing in Jakarta. He also commented on the selling price of my apartment which was fairly cheap. Even so, the funds he had were not enough to buy it. I did not deliberately give a high price so that my apartment sold quickly, because I had to return to Japan immediately.

I went home without feeling disappointed. In buying and selling ‘not so’ very reasonable thing.  There are still Om Syakir and Aunt Selly who want to help sell my apartment. They said if it was time for me to go to Japan, my apartment was not sold, I could leave it to them for sale.

When I got to the apartment, my head hurt even more. I decided to buy paracetamol at the pharmacy opposite the apartment. I need pain relief to be able to rest optimally to recover my condition,

From the lobby to the room is like a long trip. My body was bathed in sweat.

I can't wait to touch the bed. But just as he was about to close the door, someone suddenly held him firmly. I don't think anyone is following. By force, I ascertained who the person behind the door was.

Dave!!! I was surprised to see him in front of me.

“Aaa..what are you doing here, Dave?”

His face was angry. He pushed me in, then came in, and shut the door. I still don't know what he meant, and the reason that brought him here. Just like before? Suddenly came, and then cursed me. Ah, I hate his vague attitude like this.

“What's up, Dave? What other mistakes have I made,” my question while enduring a headache.

“Today shouldn't you still be in Bali?”

“I just got home last night.”

“Why not tell?”

“Dave, how do I tell you not to be known by Fay?”

“Then, who did you meet?”

“Where?”

“At the cafe near my office.”

“Oh it, friend.”

“Eat together with friends?”

“Lantas, where is the problem?”

“The problem is that you lied. He said from Jakarta to Bali, then from Bali directly to Japan.”

This sounds weird. First, Dave saw Ferdi and me. Second, is he jealous? No, I must not be too confident in responding to his later vague attitude.

“I...iya, I'm still delaying my departure.”

“Until when?”

The more I answered her question, the more she kept asking.

“Not yet know.”

“Because of that man? Since when do you know him?”

“Dave, I just knew him. We met by accident.”

“Inadvertently met, sure? But I see you guys like you've made a deal.”

“Agreement? I was selling stuff online, she happened to be interested. So, we found. That'sallthatis. Whether you want to believe it or not.”

The pain in my head became unbearable. I rushed to get some water, then took the medicine I had bought. After that, fall down on the mattress while continuing to massage the head with both hands. The debate made my head seem to break.

Dave sat next to me. He touched my neck and head. “You sick? Your body temperature is very hot, Ken”

“Just a little headache.”

“I'll take you to doctor.”

“Not necessary. A short rest will also improve.”

Dave massaged my head, then moved to the shoulder. The touch made me comfortable until I was unconscious asleep.

When I woke up, I heard a voice coming from the kitchen like someone cooking. I thought Dave was home.

“Awoke up, Ken?! I'll be done cooking soon.” His face was more friendly, in contrast to that of yesterday afternoon when it came.

“Why haven't you come home?”

“It's not yet time to get home from work.”

“You truant?”

“Not really, just a quick pass.”

“Thank you, but my condition is fine.”

“Let's eat the soup first while it's still warm.”

Dave's putting food on the table. He made chicken soup and porridge.

“You want me a bribe?”

“Not necessary. I wait a little cooler.”

I don't know why all of a sudden I'm worried about seeing Dave's mood change so swing. He was angry, now he is so attentive.

“Dave, lately I feel you are strange. I don't know what made you suddenly get angry, then get so warm. I feel like you're not what you used to be. Sorry, I don't mean to compare you now with what you used to be. To be honest, I was worried you were saving something.” Rather than being curious, I asked Dave directly for my anxiety.

“Save something what?”

“I don't know either. I feel like you are sharing your thoughts so that your emotions are easily touched. Dave, you don't have to do this anymore. You can focus only on your family.”

“A very good prolog. Unfortunately, you are also my family?”

“Dave, I mean, I don't want to be a burden to you and be a wedge to your household.”

“Do not worry, I can live both?”

“But...”.

“Don't play with my feelings! Because to me, you are my happiness too.”

I can't speak anymore. Ever since my obsession with Dave was fulfilled, there were two sides to me. Want to always be with him, and already sincere if you have to live the day without him. Could it be that I was just curious about the enjoyment of his body? No. gabe.

After eating, Dave also cleaned the dirty dishes. I asked him to come home soon, but he thought I was going to throw him out.

“Tomorrow morning I'm here again!”

“Do not, Dave! I didn't want Fay to suspect anything, and then he came in here and caused more complicated problems. Later, I also do not want to hear your insults to me as before.”

Dave ambushed my body, “That's because I was so worried about you. But you left me. Now promise to stay here, okay?”

“Living those two lives must be hard. One side you have to think about Fay's feelings. I don't want you guys to fight. Can we meet once a week?” The thought came from various events that I have been through with Dave until now.

“So you don't want to see me every day?”

“It's not so, Dave. If you can, even I always want 24 hours with you. The thing is, you've built a commitment with Fay. I don't want you to hurt him.”

Dave held my body tightly for a long time.

“I'm sick Dave, you'll catch.”

“I'm absorbing your pain.”

“Already. It's office.” home hours

“Ready, Boss!”

I didn't mean to lie to Dave. However, I've written a screenplay that the day after I returned to Japan.

Next week, when he sees me, he might get upset, angry, and, hate me for leaving him. At least, it could save his life. If only he were alone, there might not be a narrative to choose and hurt himself like this.