Winter in Hokkaido
Chapter 26: Mistake

“Iya, Aunty,” my handkerchief while picking up a phone call from her.

“How are you doing now, Ken?”

“It's healthy, Bi. Ken can already move as usual.”

“Thank God then. But, have you forgotten Auntie?”

Aunt's question was very surprising. What did I do to make him sound so cynical? Ah, I don't know. Maybe because I forgot to call her back yesterday.

“Yesterday Ken completely forgot to call Bibi.”

“That you admit you forgot. But, that's not what Aunt wants to say.” Aunt's voice sounded louder.

“Then what, Bi? Ken doesn't know why Auntie suddenly called so cynically. Is Ken wrong? Ken apologizes then.”

“How Aunty explains that you keep talking. Listen to Auntie for a minute!”

Though from earlier I waited for Aunt directly to the subject. All right, I'm wrong and I'm giving up.

“Ken, you want to get married but why not tell Auntie? Is this Aunt you no longer consider?” lantang Aunt. Implied annoyance and disappointment in every word he uttered.

But.. Huh? Be married? Who wants to get married? My boyfriend doesn't have any. Where did Aunt get the rumors?

“Aunt knows from whom?”

“You want to give the news as a new year surprise for Auntie? But, Auntie doesn't like surprises. You should have told Aunt about your plan. Do you still feel like this Aunt is a stranger?”

What else, surprise? Or Aunt is acting so I can get married.

“Auntie, let Ken explain for a moment.”

“Already, Aunty is having a customer. Auntie's just upset to get her information from your uncle not from you straight away. Fortunately, this news is about your marriage. So, her happiness outweighed the resentment in Auntie's heart.”

“Aibi...” I haven't been able to explain, the phone has been disconnected.

Be married? News from Uncle? When did I tell Uncle? I'm not dreaming, am I? Or am I drunk? I haven't had alcohol since then. Where did this misunderstanding begin? I need to investigate right away.

Moments later, I remember kissing Mayumi and saying I was going to marry her. In fact, yesterday, I had given an explanation to him if I did that without feeling spiked.

That's what I did to get Add to leave and not bother my life anymore. After that incident, I was about to explain and apologize to Mayumi, but Add first attacked me.

Now the news has spread to Uncle and Aunt, also of course to the Mayumi family. I feel very lost. Did I forget to explain yesterday? I don't really remember what happened yesterday. At that time I was also focused on responding to prospective buyers of my apartment. I feel so stupid. Some of my memories are even hard to pin down.

I locked the house, then rode a bike. At least, I have to give an explanation to Uncle first. It can't be talked about over the phone, it has to be face-to-face.

Feeling tired at the hotel. Sweat floods all parts of the body. Breath is also stingy. Though usually, the trip from home to the hotel does not make my energy drained.

I knocked on Uncle's door. He also invited me to go straight in.

However, I was surprised not to see Uncle is not alone in his room. There's Mayumi, her father, and she looks just like her mother. It was like watching a family event.

“Ken, what are you doing here?” Uncle saw me astonished.

“Em...” I try to catch my breath.

Mayumi gave me some drinking water.

“Ken, are you here on foot? You are in recovery time. You can come here in your nightgown. What was? Why not call Uncle if you need something.” Uncle looked worried.

“No, Uncle. Ken ride the bike. Em...begini Uncle...” I can't explain my purpose in a situation like this. “Em...Ken deliberately here, all sports only.”

Uncle also introduced me to Mayumi's parents. Although he had met his father Mayumi several times before, but I felt like this was getting acquainted at an official event.

“Ken, you are more handsome than I expected and saw in the photo,” praise Mother Mayumi. He smiled kindly at me.

“Thank you, Auntie,” replied to me while observing the trail of the meeting that was taking place.

From the way her mother Mayumi looked at me, I felt like a big conversation had taken place before I came. He looks like a bigot. Mayumi sat down with me.

Then, Uncle whispered to me if both of Mayumi's parents had just come to see me. But suddenly I came.

I whispered back to Uncle asking what this meeting meant. Uncle just laughed. It is unclear what the meaning of the laughter is.

Then they continued the conversation in Japanese. There are no words I can understand. I was just the audience laughing when they laughed, and nodding when they asked.

The eyes of Mayumi and her parents were very bright. I really hope they're not talking about marriage.

It's a good time to explain, but it's like there's no chance for me to speak. One side, I can't possibly mess up this cheerful atmosphere. Going back to my original purpose of coming, I will explain to Uncle first after this meeting is over.

But their conversation seemed to be getting more exciting, not knowing when it would end. Meanwhile, Mayumi kept throwing smiles at me. I really feel clumsy.

The sticky body due to sweat already gives off an unpleasant aroma. I took a shower and changed clothes. I don't want my body odor to ruin the mood.

As soon as you open the door of the room, hope and bitterness seize the mind. The sight felt bland in the eyes.

I still remember my hope when I arrived in this city, which was to open a new page of life. Let go of the past to get a better future. Hope that initially seemed to be fulfilled. But apparently, the story is not like the scenario. Trouble after trouble is taking turns in my life.

I don't want to marry someone I don't love. Not only will I hurt her feelings, but I will hurt her feelings as well. Love can come from habituation. Even so, he could not be forced.

Mayumi, how can I be honest without hurting your feelings, without hurting the two families I hear so happy? I realize it's my fault for not thinking long. I was just thinking about Add no longer interfering with my life, without realizing the impact would be this complicated. I was late in explaining.

However, being late does not mean there is no chance, right?!

“Ken!” I heard my uncle calling from outside the room.

I'm approaching soon. “What's up, Uncle?”

“You still haven't showered and changed clothes?” Uncle was surprised to see me still in my pajamas.

“Ken's head hurts a little. So, Ken fell first. What's the matter, Uncle?”

“Mayumi and her parents want to go home. But yes, you rest. Later Uncle will be here again.”

“Iya, Uncle.”

I'm back to breaking down. The pain in the head begins to spread again. I also vent my pain by hugging a tight pillow. Instantly, memory wanders into the past. Personify the pillow return the hug and invite him to talk. Dave, my lust for you can't be reduced in the least.

I've asked Aunt Selly and Om Syakir to say I'm working out of town if anyone's looking for me at the apartment. Now maybe Dave's angry, because I lied to him. That was part of my plan for his own good.

Dave tells me how he feels about me when he's already tied up in love with someone else. Why don't we confess this feeling to each other?!

I was afraid to label myself as gay, but the truth is I loved and had sex with my best friend. Can't I go back in time to tell you that in the future Dave and I share the same passion?

Why did his attitude always make me hesitate to tie up love? Love is not just a friend or a brother. A love that wants to live together.

My mind's claustrophobic. I went into the bathroom to neutralize it while cleaning the body from the results of burning calories that are not tasty. I don't know until when I'll be shackled in this mess.

Saar came out of the bathroom, Uncle standing in front of me.

“She said your head hurts again, why did you even take a shower?”

“Ken shower use warm water.”

I once read an article bathing with warm water can relieve headaches, especially headaches in the back.

“After lunch, we check again your condition to the hospital.”

“Iya, Uncle.”

I spurred my brain to find the right sentence, giving an explanation to Uncle about the mistake of my marriage with Mayumi. However, Uncle first expressed his happiness.

“Today Uncle is very happy. Apparently, Uncle is not in vain will find a soul mate for you. If only your Father and Mother were still there, they would also be very happy.”

“Means, Uncle?” I pretended I didn't understand Uncle's direction. I still need a few seconds to process the words.

“Just you don't have to worry about anything. All events let Uncle and Mayumi's parents prepare. They also said they were very happy to have a daughter-in-law like you. Finally, Uncle's ideals materialized. Uncle used to wish he could have a son and get him married. Unfortunately, fate did not allow Uncle to have children. Ah, but you also already consider Uncle's son, not just a nephew.”

Actually, I can't break Uncle's happiness. However, I also do not want this misunderstanding to continue. “Pa. Actually Ken wants to convey something.”

“Iya, just say.”

The smile on Uncle's face might soon be erased by my words.

“Before, did Mayumi say Ken would marry her?”

“Iya,” replied Uncle steadily.

“Actually there is a misunderstanding between us.”

“Means?” Uncle's expression had started to turn grim.

“Until now Ken has no feelings whatsoever for Mayumi, what else is planning to marry him.” I carefully delivered my clarification.

“Ken, don't joke!”

“Uncle, this is just a misunderstanding.”

Uncle cut my explanation, “Mistake understand how? Mayumi told me you said you were going to marry her before the attack by the stranger. So, you mean Mayumi lied?”

“It's not so, Uncle. Let Ken explain for a minute.”

The situation is getting more complicated. Uncle didn't give me a chance to explain it completely.

“Now this, Uncle asked, did you tell Mayumi you were going to marry her?”

I silently thought of a way to temper Uncle who was starting to get emotional.

“Iya or not?”

“Iya.” I replied firmly that I had indeed said that phrase. “But...”.

“But what? That was just a joke? Huh huh? Now explain to Uncle your motivation joking with that sentence what?”

It's getting harder for me to speak. I made a terrible mistake in my own life. Now the impact began to spread to those closest to me, such as the Atomic Bombs dropped by the Allies on Hiroshima and Nagasaki on August 6 and 9, 1945.

“Ken, all this time Uncle knows you as a person who does not like to joke excessively. Especially this is related to something very important. Uncle really doesn't understand.” Uncle's voice began to low, yet his face was still burning with anger.

I've prepared myself to accept Uncle's anger. That's the consequence I deserve.

“Ken has no intention to make it a joke or joke, that time Ken just...”.

On one hand, I can't tell you the truth. Add's assault case against me is already considered a case of mistreatment. If I explain it has something to do with romance, and make Mayumi a shield at that time, the story will be more complicated.

“Mayumi already told this to her parents. You see for yourself, don't you see the expressions of his father and mother looking at you so much? They say they can no longer say happy with words. Mayumi loves you so much. He's not even slept for days waiting for you to wake up from a coma yesterday. What is less than him?” Uncle looked like he was crying.

“The problem is that Ken doesn't love Mayumi. Ken tried to explain to Mayumi, but this news had already spread, even to Bibi.”

“Uncle never heard your aunt happy yesterday when Uncle told me you were getting married to Mayumi. We love you very much. We think this is your path to happiness too. We even sometimes feel like a failure, because we can't always be there for you.” Sometimes Uncle wipes away tears. “If you don't love Mayumi, is there anyone else you love?”

There are. It's just, obviously there's no way I'm going to tell Uncle.

“Uncle, all this time Ken tried to open his heart to Mayumi, but Ken couldn't. Ken doesn't want to marry someone Ken doesn't love. It not only hurt Ken and himself as well. So, Ken beg Uncle to slightly understand this condition. Ken will later try to explain this slowly to Mayumi.”

“We've talked more about your wedding.”

I'm like I'm in a cyclone. My mind rolled the wind to and fro. The vocabulary in my brain is scattered.

“Try to think about your Aunt Mayumi and her family and her extended family who already know the news that you whispered into Mayumi's ear. Uncle can accept your explanation, but Uncle is not sure he can explain it to them.” More and more tears flowed from both corners of Uncle's eyes.

I'm dead-end. I am confused about facing all this. “Im sorry Ken, Uncle!” An apology is not that easy to replace happiness, but that's all I can say.

“Love it takes its name adaptation. It can come through habit. Even the love that comes through habit will be stronger, because he knows it from the heart rather than from the eyes. To what extent are you looking for love, to that extent you will be shackled by it.”

Uncle Paragraph remembers me to Add who almost killed me on the basis of love, he said. Could love hurt? I love Dave, and it hurts Fay. Ah, this is so weird.

“Try thinking of Uncle once again!” continued.

Uncle walked out of the room. His eyes are so red. I made her cry. His heart must have been so disappointed at the honesty I just described.

My uncle closed the door to my room by slamming it hard enough.