Winter in Hokkaido
Chapter 3 part 2: Analogy

Sometimes I want to ask Fay for his opinion on Ken's attitude and words lately. However, that is impossible. If I offer the discussion, it means I light a fire that has been extinguished.

“Why, Mas? Said he was going to bed.” Suddenly Fay appeared from behind the door.

“Mas wait for you, Fay.”

Fay sat down beside me. A fragrant aroma rippled from his body. Sometimes he looks at me with a seductive pamper. Maybe today he wanted to play a little longer. But my mind is in such a mess that it's so reducing the mood for making love tonight.

Slowly Fay stroked my neck to the groin. I let him do it, penetration. I tried to enjoy the starting he made, but I couldn't enjoy it to the fullest.

Fay's getting aggressive. He kissed my left cheek by making a circle pattern. His right hand began to slip between my crotch. While his right leg is superimposed on both of my legs. I still can't reply to him in the slightest.

“You're thinking of something, Mas?” Fay laid down the action as I felt his lips approaching mine. He said while looking at my face. My position is still like the beginning, just resting on a pillow.

“No. There aren't. Let's do it again!” I answered while sticking my lips on her blushing lips.

When I reached her lips to dance, Fay suddenly let go. What's the matter? Didn't she seem to be asking for oral?! When I started playing the game, he put off.

“Mas, be honest with me! Are you thinking of someone?”

Kontan I was surprised. Fay can guess my thoughts exactly. “Fay, why ask like that?” I flanked both of her cheeks with my two hands.

“No. I don't want anyone else on your mind while you're enjoying my body. I don't want that thought to make you imagine I'm that person.” His tone rose instantly.

“Fay, I don't understand what you mean. In my mind it's just you.”

“Mas, I am your wife. I know you. I can also feel when your mind is enveloped in others.” Fay looked away and changed all the positions that had given him warmth.

Women are more sensitive than men to feelings. Difficulty manipulating movements to inhibit her instinctual sensitivity.

I promised myself to be more honest and open to my wife. “Sorry, Fay. I was thinking of someone.”

“That guy?” Fay turned his face away. I don't need to explain who that person is. He already knew that the one who was sneaking into my mind was Ken.

“Yes. Ken came to the office this afternoon. But just a minute kok.” I'm trying to control the storyline so Fay can't interrupt. “Mas already said we don't have to see each other again. But he looks sad. Mas don't know what he's feeling.”

“Then? What are you doing?” Fay looked curious.

“After saying that, Mas leave him. We meet for a moment. That's also at lunchtime. There's not much to talk about. The point is, Mas has conveyed to him not to need to see Mas again.”

“What's true like that?” Fay still seems to doubt my honesty.

“Mas...” His speech began to feel soft, but seemed to want to say something serious.

“Iya.”

“In this world no woman wants her love to be shared. When her husband falls in love with another woman, she will be devastated and feel like a failure. She was devastated, as if she could not give her husband what he wanted, even though everything had been handed over. She felt like a failure, because she could not maintain her husband so that there must be someone else who entered her household life.” Fay rested his head on my shoulder. “Especially if who entered as the third person in his household a man. Which woman does not break her feelings and thoughts for the failure.” Fay seemed to give an affirmation about Ken's position.

“Fay, Mas has explained many times if Mas and Ken are only friends,” concluded me subtly. I don't want this sharing to be a debate.

“Maybe it was originally so. But as Fay once told Mas, if Ken had or considered the taste more than a friend, how? No Fay don't trust Mas.”

“Then?” If he really believed me he shouldn't have asked me that question again, again, again.

“Mas know that a rock that is so hard if it is continuously dripped with water, it will form a basin. Also corals are eroded, because they are hit by waves every day. The stones are so strong. Same with the closeness of Mas and the man.” Fay seemed to be avoiding calling Ken by name. “Your friendship is so close like a brother. Maybe I feel it so. But if he had more desire than that, what would happen next? Because the closeness that you are intertwining is too intimate, he feels comfort and a utopia is formed.

Fay stroked my hair. “Will he be able to release Mas from his world just like that? Love is sometimes present from the comfort that is routinely intertwined. When Mas woke up more time spent with him, wouldn't Mas long be more comfortable there as well? Then, when you do not meet, there will be a sense of loss. That's where Mas is not aware of being dissolved in the feeling of love, because of the comfort that he gives every day. Although at first Mas only felt sorry, but like a bird that entered a trap.

I seriously listened to all of his words.

“Hunters ensnare him with the lure of the food he used to eat. He didn't know it was a trap until he was caught. In the forest, he lives on a vast expanse of space, deciding his fate freely without being tied to a master. But after being put in a cage, he was forced to admit it was his home. He did not need to be tired of looking for food again in the wild, but he had already lost his freedom. Eventually, he forgot the forest and his family. He no longer has a place to go home. I don't want you to forget how you should live this household,” he continued.

I understand the analogy. Again, my status with Ken is only a friend.

I consider it natural that Fay hasn't moved on from his prejudices to me and Ken.

After sighing for a moment, Fay continued to tell me “You have asked me from my parents. That day I am sure that you will make a companion for life. I am sure to live with you, not just because I love you so much from the looks and kindness I see. But with you, I sure die I can smile.” Her tears began to wash over my shoulders.

I was filled with his last words. Want to say something to reply to the initial discussion he said, but these lips have difficulty stringing words. Love does not always have to be expressed. I will always show you in the process.

“I also have a friend.” Apparently there is still a connection that he wants to express. Tonight, I became a loyal listener.  “Everyone in his life must have a friend. Friends he knew from childhood, at school age, and when he was in college. Friends known from the playground or workplace. Everyone has friends, right?” I answered with a nod. “But human life is always evolving, right? From birth to death, there are many phases. Phase in the mother's arms, the guidance phase of the education bench, then married to have offspring and complete life. I see, right?”

I am still waiting for the continuation of the story.

“Is not that friend someone God met with us as a complement to the plural of human interaction. He is a person outside the family who becomes friends in times of joy and sorrow. When his best friend is happy or finds happiness, he will be happy too. Isn't friendship a principle of sharing?! Share about the values of the spirit of life so that he can live his main life space with passion. Then what about what he says is a friend, but trying to destroy his best friend when his best friend is arranging his new life? Human life continues to move, he also forms bonds with other humans he meets such as wife or husband, friends, friends, colleagues, or just as late. All have a clear sense of time ownership and the right to togetherness, right? Me, the man you later chose to be a wife. I want to die next to you without any other wife terms, can I?”

His words are so long. I listened, understanding every emphasis he made. There are parts that I want to explore in detail, but seeing from the way he speaks is illustrated that he does not want to accept refutation.

The atmosphere was quiet for some time. Sometimes he closed his eyes like fatigue, Maybe he also felt a bit disappointed, because he failed to channel orgasm.

I kissed the hair on his head that was so fragrant. “Sleep yuk. We connect the one earlier.” He also nodded. It's just that his passion has drastically reduced. Even so, I believe the rest is still enough to make sleep more soundly.