Alisa
#8: Disappointed

"Hana, get up."

My mother's voice woke me up. My eyes feel tight, my nose is stuck next door and it looks like my eyes are puffy. I realized that I was asleep behind the door after I was tired of crying. I didn't even get to change my uniform. My room was also dark, the sunlight was no longer illuminating my room. The sky had turned black as my eyes glanced at the window.

Without my mother turning on my room lights. I snatched away because the rush of light came into the eyes. My eyes had to blink a few times because it felt very glare. Mom immediately closed my bedroom window with blue sea curtains. After a few seconds of adjustment, I can clearly see back.

Mom still wears her work uniform. Looks like he just got home from work. He approached me, then crouched down, grabbed both of my shoulders and his eyes scoured every inch of my body. It was like looking for something missing there. I just looked at him in astonishment.

"Why sleep here? Why not change uniforms? Hana gapapa?" mama asked without pause, her eyes kept on my body. I can see the worry from his eyes.

I immediately nodded. "Hana no papa, just drowsiness," I replied, pretending to rub my eyes moist, as if itchy due to drowsiness. I don't know why I didn't tell the truth.

"Related?"

I nodded confidently.

"Not fallen off the hook?"

I nodded again.

Mama let go of her grip, then folded her hands on her chest. His eyebrows are slightly wrinkled, somehow I feel bad. "Then why is your bike straying in that little park over there?"

Gluey!

Oh yeah, I forgot.

Cold sweat immediately poured out of my pores. Now I'm pulling my word that I don't care if mama's angry. Of course, it would be terrible if my mother scolded me. I'm sorry, why did I throw my bike?

"Ta-tadi, there was a typhoon and .. his bike to bring it to the park," I replied.

...

Of course my mom would not believe it. He still stared at me intensely. Realizing that, I became more and more excited. I'm trying to find another reason. Going to therapy, my mom wouldn't let go of that intimate look if I didn't give her a good, reasonable excuse, or tell her the truth. I finally had no other choice.

"Hana throws it," my great-grandson softly. Prepare yourself by the impact of anger that you will give a moment more.

"What?" mama asked, because my words were so slow that they were almost inaudible.

"A—ada interrupted me this afternoon. Hana was angry, so my bike a— I threw, deh, into the park because .. upset," I'm myself, half lying.

I still don't want to tell you what happened at the school. My voice is getting smaller, but I think my mom can still hear it. My body was slumping at the end of the door and the floor, afraid of my mother's angry reaction.

However, my mother just sighed. "Quick change, Hana's hungry, right? Mama brought a lot of food." Then he got up and left the room.

Uh, mama's not mad?

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Mama's right. He brought a lot of food. Cilok, fried foods, martabak, and fried chicken krispi still wrapped neatly on the carpet of the family room. Looks tempting and invites a roar of the stomach that has not been filled since noon. Saliva started filling my mouth. Moreover, the fragrant aroma of each food lured me to directly devour it. You tempted? Please comot if you can.

I immediately approached the food and sat on the carpet. Mom was picking up dishes and bowls in the kitchen. I immediately opened the martabak box, plucked one and devoured it in two mouthfuls. The brown lumeran was immediately smeared on my fingers and the tip of my mouth.

Mama smiled at me with her hands full of plates and bowls. He sat down and arranged the fried chicken into the dish, put the pegs into the bowl, and served the fried chicken to the last two dishes.

I just watched my mother's agitation while eating the martabak that I had put in my arms. Favorite food. If Grandma knew of my behavior, she would glare and say, "bring the container*, keep getting enough food!" But my mom doesn't seem to worry about it.

We ate together afterwards. Clutched here and there, several times out of chatter. Until the main dish of ludes, our conversation has been stuck. Finally, we were both silent as we looked at the television that was showing Spongebob. I was still busy snacking on the remaining martabak, while my mom was snacking on the lilok.

I remember the little garden in the yard. Especially in the scattered flower pots and I'm sure some are broken. Given that, I felt guilty about my guilt.

It's grandma's favorite park. Since his departure, the mother replaced the position of grandmother to take care of the park. No matter how busy he always took his time on the weekend to take care of the park. While I easily destroyed the little garden in one throw. Just because I was disappointed in him.

"Ma, I'm sorry Hana for .. her garden," I said as I looked at my mother beside me slowly. Still a little scared and sorry.

"Hmm," mama's response was brief, her chin rose and fell for a moment, then looked at me and smiled slightly. "Other times if you're angry, don't ruin anything, huh? Holiday later help mama settle down," he continued.

I just pulled next to my cheek, wanted to protest because by the end of the week I and some of my friends would run in the morning, but could not argue because the damage to the park was my fault. I finally just nodded small.

We were silent for a while longer, until my mother asked, "how is the school?"

I stared at the question my mother always wanted me to avoid. Don't know what to answer, then just trigger, "Well, rame."

Although I was confused what the 'rame' of the school was. In addition to the ravings of Alisa who is always faithful to stop by the ear. However, I was also confused as to how to tell it.

"Good," answered the mother later, somewhat stiff for what. Even though I'm like that sometimes.

Next we returned. It was always like that, after three years of grandmother's death, we still had a bit of trouble chatting. Running out of chat materials, or just staying alone while watching tv has become our activity after the return of mama. Until I decide to do PR in the room or go to bed fast. We are also rarely involved in small fights.

Even when I was younger, my memories were spent more with my grandmother. It turns out that from the first interaction between me and my mother is fairly rare, especially with papah. They are too busy to work, so they are rarely home. But I still love them, always wishing we could get together every day. If you can, with grandma too.

"Next month, Hana kangen?"

"Yes, papah will bring a lot of food, won't he?"

Mama laughed a little. "Sure, crab, shrimp, lobster, fish, Hana what do you want?"

"Wants chocolate, chocolate martabak, chocolate cake, "my babble counting my fingers, passing one by one my favorite food.

"When there's a garem, not chocolate, Hana," mama's laughter heard my apology.

"Hana wants chocolate anyway," I don't take it. Can't you buy it at the port when you get home?

"Yes, mama will tell papah."

I smiled widely, then nodded quickly. Imagining Papah going home with a sack of chocolate, must be fun. I will share it with Alisa and eat with her until she is full. Then laugh at him if his teeth are hollow because of chocolate. Although I doubt the teeth of creatures seem to be perforated.

Remembering Alisa, I just realized she hasn't shown up since that paper incident. Recalling that paper incident anyway, my mood that flew into the sky started to collapse again. My chest seemed claustrophobic considering the laughter of my classmate this afternoon before going home from school. I feel so ashamed that I have to see them again tomorrow.

I looked at mama. I hesitated to say the very thing I wanted to say since then. Given her answer a few months ago, I doubt that my mother would have responded as I expected.

But I can't stand going to school there anymore. With friends who are easily instigated by a figure named Rani. The figure who always antagonizes me for whatever reason.

"Ma, Hana wants to change schools," I said later, with a pounding heart. I squeezed my pants so nervously. I was a little scared of my next response.

I've guessed. This time my mom looked at me seriously. His body instantly changed position, shifting in order to face me properly. "Hana, haven't we discussed this before?"

Seeing my mother's reaction, pessimism immediately enveloped me. "T—but, Hana really wants to change schools."

mama looked at me for a moment. "Your friends again?"

I'm nodding. It was a bit sad to hear the tone of the question.

"Mama told you, right? Hana has to be brave, Hana can also tell the teacher if there is anything," said Mama.

"But ...," is not that easy.

How am I supposed to fight a bunch of people like that? I had dared to yell, but they laughed with satisfaction. Tell the teacher also the problem remains back to me. I'm the only one who has to solve it myself, but how? No friend has ever defended me at school.

I'm down. I don't know why my tears are pooling again in my eyes. Seeing my mother who won't listen to my wishes anymore. Once again a sense of disappointment immediately enveloped my mind. Disappointed that, never once was my mother on my side.

"Hana's fifth grade, responsibility, and sixth grade, and Hana graduated. After that Hana can move," persuaded mother, who even more pierced my heart. How could I possibly have survived that long?

"But Hana wants it now!" my raku did not accept, then my breath as he pleased. Finally I cried again, while my mother just looked at me with a gaze I could not understand.

"One more year and a half, please, hold on, okay?" My mother extended her hand to the top of my head.

I immediately brushed it off rudely. Too disappointed with my mother's never-changing response. I have said it many times. I thought it was free, expressing all my wishes was futile. Finally I'm the only one who has to understand and face it alone.

"Mama will never understand Hana!"

After saying so. I turned towards the room, and slammed the door hard. I know it's wrong, it's rude to slam the door of the house so hard. But I was too disappointed to care about it. For both of them in that day, I cried again in the room, this time without holding back any sobbing. Too disappointed.

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container*\= where to store food (oil plate, bowl, or whatever it is)

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Sorry, I just got up. I was still at your house three days ago and was busy helping mutongin qurban meat. So, well, the story doesn't keep me up :')

Hope you guys didn't follow up disappointed by the title, yes :')

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