Amen We Are Different
What is Polygamy?
Do you know what polygamy is? Yess Polygamy is a marriage system in which one party owns or marries several of the opposite sex at the same time. In social anthropology, polygamy is the practice of marrying more than one husband or wife.
In the perspective of Islamic law, polygamy is limited to a maximum of four wives. There are two main verses that can be used as a reference for polygamy, namely QS. al-Nisa’ (4): 3 and QS. al-Nisa’ (4): 129.
Polygamy has gone hand in hand with the history of mankind, so polygamy is not a new trend that appears suddenly. The scholars differ on the provisions and laws of polygamy.
Among them there are those who approve polygamy with rather loose terms and some require it strictly.
Among them there are also those who forbid polygamy, except by force (as rukhshah) under certain conditions.
To be sure, Islamic law does not prohibit polygamy absolutely (haram) and also does not advocate absolutely (obligatory). Islamic law governs the issue of polygamy for people who are indeed qualified to do so.
The implementation of polygamy, according to Islamic law, must be based on the fulfillment of justice and benefit among the parties involved.
However, in reality many polygamy practices do not heed the provisions of Islamic law, so it is still far from expected.
Many people argue that the law of polygamy in Islam is sunah. However, when viewed from the side of the law, generally the scholars argue that the law of polygamy is actually not sunah, but mubah or may.
However, polygamy is certainly not something that can be done by anyone. When it comes to polygamy, a man should reflect first on whether he is qualified to do so or not.
When the conditions have been met, it does not mean the road to polygamy will be as smooth as the toll road.
Despite feeling qualified, not a few people fail in polygamy.
The biggest challenge and one that is often one of the factors of polygamous failure is the rejection of the first wife.
Poligami Terms and Laws :
Not many realize that the permission of the first wife is one of the requirements of polygamous success. Without the permission of the first wife or if done clandestinely, polygamy is actually a trigger for divorce. Reporting from Komnas Perempuan, in 2015 polygamy was included in the list of the top three causes of divorce.
The need for permission from the first wife to do polygamy is also described in the Marriage Law in force in Indonesia.
In Law Number 1 Year 1974 on Marriage Article 3 Paragraph 2, it is stated that the court can give permission to a husband to marry more than one if desired by the parties concerned.
Of course the first wife is an example of the party concerned.
Impact of Polygamy in the Household
Although some data show that polygamy can trigger divorce, not a few polygamy that runs successfully. For example, the late Arifin Ilham with three wives and Puspo Wardoyo, a restaurant businessman, who had four wives.
In Islam, polygamy is a way that men do not fall into deviant acts, such as adultery and also a way to preserve the honor of women and men. Polygamy can also be a way to multiply offspring or a solution for couples who previously had difficulty having children.
Beyond that, however, polygamy poses one big question for the perpetrators.
Should wives live in the same house or live in different houses? This is what should be considered for men who decide to polygamy.
Each choice of residence will be accompanied by advantages and disadvantages.
Living in the same house with several wives may make it easier for husbands to divide their time and attention.
The spending money that must be spent can also be saved compared to deciding the wives live in different homes.
However, the husband also needs to consider the feelings of the wives and children. While this may not always be the case, there may be some discomfort if everyone lives on the same roof. For example, the second wife feels not free to do the task as a wife and housewife at home because they feel they do not have power.
In short, polygamy laws in Indonesia are allowed as long as the husband can be fair to his wives. In addition, polygamy can also be said to be legal in the eyes of state law if the husband has fulfilled the conditions for polygamy.
Polygamy requirements in Indonesia are stipulated in Article 4 paragraph (2) of the Marriage Law, and, that said, the Court will only give permission to the husband to marry more than one if the wife can not carry out her obligations, the wife has a disability or disease that can not be cured, and the wife has a disability or disease that can not be cured, and if his wife can't bear offspring.
Husbands who apply to marry more than one person must meet the conditions set out in Article 5 paragraph (1) of the Marriage Law, namely:
The certainty that the husband is able to secure the necessities of life for his wives and children
There is a guarantee that the husband will be fair to their wives and children.
From the decisions examined by the compiler, there are several reasons the husband applied for polygamy permission, namely the wife can not give birth to offspring (pupular), the wife can not give birth to offspring again, the wife is no longer able to give birth to children, the wife cannot perform her duties as a wife due to psychological or psychiatric illness.
These health risks can not only attack from the medical side, but also the psychological side.
Medical side
Sexologist, dr. H. Boyke Dian Nugraha, Sp.OG, MARS, explained from the medical side, a man who changes partners can cause uterine cancer in his partner's woman.
The risk of transmission is even 4-5 times compared to men who only have one wife.
The phenomenon of polygamy in Indonesia is based on interviews in the process of filming and after shooting the film Various Husbands by Kalyana Shira Films in 2006, Dr. Boyke, revealing polygamous women are also at risk of contracting venereal disease.
For example, if the first wife is affected by vaginal discharge, the second wife can contract it as well. And vice versa.
Psychlogical side
According to him, polygamous women may feel competing, jealous, and treated unfairly so that it will be difficult to have an orgasm during sex.
Even worse, if the woman is stressed, they may be able to experience menopause sooner.
Health check
Doctor Boyke also reminded that before remarriage, couples who want to polygamy are advised to first conduct health checks, both medically and psychologically.
Meanwhile, after remarriage, both husband and wife are advised to routinely check with a doctor.
According to him, polygamous men should also not escape examination. They may want to have strong stamina, so there are times when taking powerful drugs to serve their wives.
If so, the examination of the husband can be focused on the heart because of the side effects of strong drugs.
Polygamous men also sometimes experience malevolent disorders. For example, they only have erections in younger wives.
He suggested that polygamous couples should see a doctor regularly, including a two-year pap net and a six-month pap smear.
Islamic polygamy is like “eating simalakama” fruit for Muslim women. If the objection is polygamous, she will be called a woman who does not submit to the husband. Conversely, if he is willing to be polygamous, then he must be willing to share with other women.
“The reality of the life of polygamous women tends to experience more violence than happiness.”
Impact of Polygamy on Children
Polygamy not only negatively affects the wife, but also the child. All children want to have an ideal family. One father and one mother. The presence of other families in his life, can spur jealousy, anger, sadness, and disappointment.
Divided attention of the father to his other family, causing the child to lack affection. As for girls, it does not rule out the possibility of polygamy that occurs against their parents leaving a sense of trauma to marriage with men.
Islamic Polygamy Is Not the Best Way Out
Some Muslim men consider polygamy good, as long as they can be fair. The Quran teaches us,
“. . . then marry the women (other) you like: two, three or four” (Qs 4:3).
Marriage does not just demand material justice. But also time, attention, love and affection. So unbelievable, a man who has two, three, even four families, can lead his family fairly.
Seeing the negative effects arising from polygamy, good for the wife, especially for children. Polygamy is not the best way out of family problems. The negative impact will arise, regardless of how fair the husband is to his families.