Crush On You's
Closing His Nervousness

Lunch at Taman Mangli Indah restaurant, Jalan Hayam Wuruk Kaliwates Jember. I walked while looking for where their table was. I mean Bayu and Amir. Coming here reminds me of the owner of the honey pinastika smile. No, this time I can't remember.

A waiter told me the place and the table were still empty. Because some of the tables here have been ordered by customers. From a distance Amir raised his hand. I nodded and walked there. Bayu quickly turned off his cigarette. When I take a seat.

“Starting tomorrow, Amir will join Pillar University, but he only teaches a few regular classes.” Bayu opened the conversation.

“Akhireh bisah gaggle poleh, jeh. Cans sak terossah.” Amir said happily.

Welcome to join, Mir.” I quickly and immediately drank a glass of orange juice.  

Friends are carriers of luck. That's absolutely true. Yeah, like it's happening right now. Friends like brothers. Sometimes they are like strangers. That's natural, isn't it? I guess so.

“Stiff teaching ways and nature ‘cold fish’ in students today is less suitable,” said Bayu facing towards me. “It looks like you need some references. At any time, come in the class Laras.”

I'd really like to interrupt. But not for now. Why did Bayu suddenly talk like that? Someone must have influenced him. Well, look at it, sooner or later. I must know who's behind all this. For years my character has been like this. I nodded my head and smiled thinly.

The waiter came to prepare the food. The table in front of us was full. From appetizers to desserts. I found something suspicious again. The manner of Bayu is still unread. Amir remained relaxed.

Fresh rose scent. Passing through my sense of smell that was lately sharper than usual. Immediately I changed my sitting position with a little firmness. The heart beat starts working faster and the nerve muscles tighten slightly.

“Lagi lunch with apparently.” A familiar voice. Approaching our table.

Barrels. The woman was always elegant and sweet. He nodded at Amir. The words of congratulations joined also spewed from his lips. Then he nodded slowly at me. While his agile and delicate finger was in Bayu's grasp.

‘Drama sucks’ lirihku in heart. I was so hungry, and that pretty face would not be able to fill me. My hands started to grab a bowl of soup. Then I started chewing the food very slowly, suddenly like something was stuck in my throat. I'll grab a glass of water soon. I gave a quick glance, Bayu so resigned to the woman. Very dangerous. But that's how beautiful women are, sometimes keep their own anesthetic. So be careful.

Ten minutes passed. Drama over. Finally the woman went and headed to another table. Somewhere far away, he was with his friends.

“She is an attractive.” Amir.

“Indeed.” Bayu started to raise his shoulders and glanced at me. “What do you think, Pur?”

“Yeah, it looks like so. In addition he is also smart.” I answered as if I was fascinated by that woman. Really, for whatever it is. I don't actually want to comment, see or meet things that make me uncomfortable like this.

After the lunch is over. Amir came home with me. He just happened to not have a motorbike. During the journey, he was unceasingly talking about Laras.

“Jok neneng meloloh. Be,en not good luck?”

“Mumet me Mir!”

“Mumet opo loro? Omongane Bayu ora need to think, Jeh.”

“I thought the talk was an insult.”

“Bayu kui just ngelingake. Ngopi sik come on, ben ora tense.”

Scroll clock on wrist. Ten minutes to teach. No coffee show together. The motor stops in front of the campus. And Amir was coffee in the canteen alone. After teaching, I will take him home.

***

The buzzing like the sound of a flute continued to disturb. Echoing in the left ear. For three days in a row, I've tried to cover with cotton but it didn't pay off. I finally let it go. And that buzz happens every night, about nine o'clock past.

From the window there was smoke. I wear glasses to make sure of something. There's no smoke in there. I put the glasses back on. And smoke is so much. Both feet feel stiff to step. Many times I sighed, at that moment I felt a deep sadness of loss and death.

My hand grabbed the prayer book and started chanting it slowly. Slowly the feeling goes away on its own. These two eyes had not yet fallen asleep, shadows of things that should not reappear. Devi who always interfered with the invasion of unimportant sms is now gone. My phone lyrics on the table, “maybe I miss it a little bit” I said slowly when I finished japa and returned to the room.

Half six in the morning. Dew tangled, wet and cold. White misty streets. Stuffiness and making the view through the glasses are disturbed. I put the motor down and turned towards the photocopy. The streets are still running. Only the self-employed vegetable seller. Only one photocopier is open. At the shop down the street near the highway. So much is queued up. I sighed softly and sat next to the store.

“Mister?” the sound of a child pulling my arm.

“Zahra? Same who?”

The boy pointed at someone who was putting a bicycle under a tree. The girl was wearing a purple batik shirt and black trousers.

“Morning...” my handkerchief.

“Morning sir. Been a while?”

“But.”

We just looked at each other and smiled for a moment. He was standing right next to me.

Stunned for a moment. My heart ripples. This time his face was bright and fresh. His skin is yellow. Her hair is neatly braided. It would be nice if tucked flowers in each hair. Less than ten minutes. I looked at that face, Bening's face this morning.

The shop employee's voice jolted me. Photocopying is done. Photocopies in the yellow map. Without reading it again, I put it in my bag. I'm the lyric of Bening staring at his phone. His hand also grabbed the yellow map.

Chillies briefly. I couldn't stand it if I stared at his face for a long time. “Now, the first day I teach at Harapan University.”

“Ohya? Good luck!” said spirit.

End politely nodding. The girl went first and went with Zahra. Diligent working and independent.

It was too early to get to campus. I had breakfast first at a roadside shop in Java. A plate of rice pecel and warm tea is ready to eat. Don't ask what it feels like? For its nut seasoning, sweet and not too spicy. I sighed softly after breakfast while grabbing the phone. A little bit of Bening, how's the world? How do you teach children? What did he do at school? Looks like this will be an interesting topic to talk to her about. If he needs advice or opinions about learning and teaching, I am ready to help and provide references. Just waiting for the right time. But when? Never mind, I don't want to bother him too much.   

My motorbike entered the campus. Go straight to the office for a while and get to economy class. Many times the phone vibrates. There was no intention of reaching for the phone. Position in class. As usual at the first meeting, there were no pleasantries or friendly introductions. I simply mentioned the names and watched them one by one. Both my eyes widened in wonder as he remained calm and in control.

They are all fashionable and quite charming. For a student, she looks like a socialite. No messy hair or veil. No shabby bags or worn shoes. Everything is beautiful and harmonious. Likewise for students, most of them dress casual but fashionable, there is a stylish child-style band, Korean artist or cover-cover boy/girl magazine. ‘This is a class, or a model’ selection event, I whispered in my heart. I teach English, just the basics. Because only one semester, 2 credits. After explaining on board. My hand grabbed the yellow map that contained the matter. As soon as I opened the map, it turned out to be a picture of the scenery and the name TK Tulip. ‘Jeez, where about the one I copied earlier? Why be a child coloring sheet Tk?’ whispered in my heart.

“Yes, mercy from earlier wrote only,” said one of the front students. “Capek.”

I turned to. “to shorten the time, I just dektekan.”

“What!” shouted the other student. “Write on board only I have not finished already want dekte”

“Well, please photocopy yourself if do not want to write.” I pulled out a thick blue English grammar book.

They nodded and continued writing. Nowadays a lot of students or students are spoiled and good at complaining. Don't know them. That writing includes training the brain to keep working and concentrating. After class ends. I went out and reached for the phone in my pocket. Three missed calls in the name of Bening. And one message in the inbox. Like this it's in.

Good morning sir,

I brought a yellow map with me about English. It must be yours. And do you bring a yellow map containing coloring sheets for Kindergarten children?

Sincerely,

Pellucid.

My smile expands. So my English was on him. I quickly answered the message.

The morning….

Yeah, it looks like it was changed this morning.

See you on campus this afternoon.

I put the phone back in my pocket. I can't wait for noon. Time off, I use to say hello and be friendly in the lecturer room with new colleagues. The warm atmosphere is starting to feel. So far, only Ms. Sakinah and Arif have talked to me often.

The new atmosphere always makes me stiff. As much as possible be friendly. Discuss each other's teachings. They also tell, some of the habits of teachers here.

“Every once a month. More precisely the 29th there is always anjangsan to the home of teachers and staff,” said the woman of stock. He's the coordinator of the monthly agenda. Bu Sri wahyuni. “The goal, let's be more familiar. How does Mr Pur agree or object to our agenda?”

“Ya, agreed. Good idea.”

The thick woman smiled and wrote my name and put it in a bottle. Because every month will be in the vote, the name that comes out means his home that will be addressed as anjangsan place.

***

“Prepare yourself and take care of health from now.” I told Iskan. So far I have seen him as talented. No need for complicated preparation.

Iskan told me about his plan to volunteer for Europe. Intentionally discussing because you want to get motivation. Small advice and advice, I give. Really, his wish was very joyful to me. There was rarely a young man as passionate as him.

He nodded and thanked me.

“Iskan, like your class has entered from earlier.” a girl patted him on the shoulder.

“Lecture English for young learners? Second floor?” Iskan.

“Iya, class Madam Laras”

“Oh God, thank you Ning.” answer ran.

After Iskan left. Now I and Bening live under a tree not far from the library.

“Take, a sit please.” my door.

Bening nodded and sat down. His hand took out a yellow map and placed it on the table. “Sorry, the map was switched.”

“It's okay. I can handle it.”

“Thank God. I was going to drive the map. But not so, because Mister has responded to sms.”

“No need. How about yourself? I hope you don't give that English to the kids of TK.”

“Of course not.” The answer is a embarrassed smile.

My hand grabbed a piece of matter from the yellow map. “Now, try working on this.”

The girl nodded and started working.

Calm and unconcerned by the sound - the passing voice looked towards us. Around I noticed them, the students. Some were whispering, glancing cynically, and throwing questionable gazes. In less than five minutes, ten questions were done.

“No special training is required to do this kind of problem, easy is not it?” my eyes glanced at a glance. “Good Job, Miss Bening.”

His face was shining, just like it was raining yesterday. This time without a smile. Sometimes I look at me and quickly look down.

“Why? Are my words too cold, huh?”

She shook her head. Then move on and nod politely. Without a word, just leave.  

I leaned against the tree. I should have made him feel at home. I had trouble talking to him again. Kulirik watches. Time to get to class. Time to refocus.

Forty-five minutes passed. The afternoon sun was not yet dim. It was still orange behind the pale white clouds. My steps stopped seeing Bu Laras and Bening enter the lecturer's room. I'd better wait for one of them to come out. I rogoh the cell phone in the pocket of the pants. Some messages came in from Amir. There was a meeting at the course today. ‘’Well, I'd better go in and pack '’lirihku slowly.

As soon as you enter the room. Clear no longer exists. And Laras was busy packing. The atmosphere began to quiet, I packed and cleaned the table. Almost every time I meet I avoid and reduce to be friendly. Busying yourself is better than being busy taking care of others who do not necessarily care with all their heart.